Really sorry

Rose113

Im trying, I really am but I dont know how to do this anymore, its getting too hard and I'm finding it so hard to cope. I want to be okay or even a tiny. I dont want to be like this anymore its too painful, im so drained and I've hit rock bottom completely. How am I ment to get through everything when I'm loosing everyone. So many people have decided there sick of me. Everyone's done dealing with me and my mental health, dont blame them but it hurts. Why cant I have one person at least stick by me. No one even bothers to stay in my life for more than a year and it hurts. All I'm doing is tryna survive each day as it comes yet no one can even see that. Im just a pathetic disappointment. Trying to just cancel my feelings since there stupud anyway and atleast if I don't have any feelings then people don't have to deal with me. So many people make me feel like having feelings is a crime. I cant vent to anyone or nothing without fear of being abandoned. I just wish someone would stick by me or if no one will then cant people say that and warn me in advance. My mental health is slowly killing me but whatever I'm done trying to get help, im done being a burden and an issue to others. No one would even realise if I just went mute, I'd be forgotten in an instance. Everyday scares me because of the thoughts of not being able to get through each day and night without harming. I'm trying so so hard to cope in silence but nothing feels good enough, I won't ever be good enough which makes me wonder why am even carrying on...no one makes my life easier, I find that I just want to run away from everyone. I'm tired of talking to people, im tired of people getting annoyed at me. Im trying so bloody hard. My mental state is scaring me. Sorry

Former Member

Hello @River

I am sorry you are feeling like this. You have done nothing wrong, do not blame yourself. Has anything happened recently which has caused you to feel this way?

The first thing I would say is if you are experiencing friends not caring about your mental health then these people are not worth being friends with. You sound like you blame yourself for the way you are feeling but to me it more sounds like other people are the ones who are letting you down and not being the friends you deserve to have. I can relate to this so well as I have had people in the past treat me in a similar way. Initially, I also thought like how you do thinking it was my fault but in reality I had just not found the right people for me yet.

It can be really difficult when you constantly feel like nothing is improving but from past experience when I started to cut off people who were not making me happy or were causing me poor mental health, it actually increased my everyday life in a positive way. Do you attend a school, college, or university at all? If so, I highly recommend you get in touch with a member of staff from the student wellbeing team and/or a guidance teacher? These individuals are trained in helping people with their mental health issues and will be happy to help you with any issues you have.

Also, I highly recommend trying to build a daily routine including time for you to take part in hobbies you enjoy. For example, a lot of peoples mental health improves when they start increasing the amount of physical movement they have in a day, or taking a walk in nature, listening to music, reading books, arts and crafts etc. Additionally, looking into volunteering can be an excellent way to meet new people who you have shared interests with and has been shown to improve mental health.

Let me know if any of this was helpful or if you require anymore advice