Giving up

Rose113

Sometimes I feel like cutting everyone off, people make out to be a shitty person and im tired of this. Yeah I get people have there views but it's constant and it makes no where feel safe or welcoming. I always try to please people and make people happy but then I still get grief. People hate me, I hate me...the feelings mutual. I should just leave everything and everyone alone, I can bottle everything up, its not hard for me to do. Least then people can forget I exist and forget that they have to pretend that I matter. People deny that im a shitty person. People don't say it to my face but they think it..I'd rather have no one at this point, face it I spent years with no one. Being alone and shit is nothing new to me and it never will☹️ I hurt people opening up and I hurt people when I don't talk, I cant do shit rightEverything I do is always wrong, I get screamed at for every tiny fucking stupid thing I do or fucking say. My life is just a fucking messed up shitty cycle that I'm trapped in...
1. getting hurt ➡️ 2. Hurting people ➡️ 3. people leaving ➡️ 4. Constant trust issues...

It's a repeated painful cycle that messes with my head that no one gets. I dont expect people to get it but no one tries to get it. I wake up daily and think fucking hell not this shittyness again. When do I get a break from all this. Why am I even alive, I give up with everything. Is there even a point in anything anymore.....sorry

LydsRose9

I’m really sorry to hear how you’re feeling @River - it sounds like you’ve been having a really difficult time. Thank you for opening up on here, it takes a lot of courage and you should be proud of yourself for doing that.
Of course I can’t speak to your exact situation, but from what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like you’re a ‘shitty person’ at all. It sounds like you’re a very caring person that is putting other peoples feelings before their own, which is actually a very kind and noble thing to do. However, sometimes it is okay to put yourself first, and focus on your wellbeing ahead of the feelings of those around you. I know this can be difficult and take some time, especially if the environment around you isn’t a supportive one, but once you’ve got that inner support system, sometimes it is easier to deal with the things going on around you and break those unhealthy cycles.
One thing I can say is that I am glad you’re alive, and I know so many people on these boards feel the same way. By opening up you are helping countless people, so please don’t think there is no point anymore, because that is an important one. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I hope things start improving soon, and please remember to be kind to yourself, no matter what