Why...

JJLemon18

I feel like crying... I'm not a pathetic person; then why do I always act like one? Why can't I just be normal, why can't I just have fun, why can't I live my life to the fullest like I always imagine it? Every time I get a chance, every time I get an opportunity, I just mess it all up. I shut myself and remain silent, anxiety rises to the point I can't think, I can't do, I just can't. I don't feel real. I become the most boring, most awkward person imaginable, and it kills me inside... this inability to talk, this paralysis, this silence... it hurts.

I'm not asking for answers. What I need is time, time I don't have. I want to be able to get out of my own damn head and into the real world. I just want to live. Is that too much to ask?

marcellus_beauregard

It is okay to let it out as it is proven to be mentally health for you. I myself hate crying and I keep seeing it as a sign of weakness but I know that I should let it out to cleanse myself. Yes, you are not pathetic. I mean you created a thread here meaning you want to improve yourself subconsciously therefore, you are at the beginning of self-improvement so, you are not pathetic in my standards at all rather you are brave. Do not ask why to yourself, that will put you on a loop and it will make you insane. I do relate a lot to what you think about yourself because I think that those things too. Think about how instead. Even if there seems to be no way, there is always one way we have not seen. It does not have to be physical either. It is something we never considered in the first place. There is hope, there is hope, there is hope, there is hope and do not let anything else kill your being. You can live and you can control that in the little control you have. You need to think about through it and I know that you will finally be able to see the light. I can offer some guidance and help too but since I do not know everything that is going on in your life, it might be difficult. However, I am here cheering for you and wishing you the best of luck. My dms are always available and I am willing to lend an ear and give some advice. Let us not give up. I will be your ally in this darkness even if this sounds cringy. If you ever fall down, I will be at your side until you pick yourself up again.

CaniceQ

Like what you've said, you are not a pathetic person and I'm so glad that you've posted this, as I definitely want to reassure you that you're not that kind of person. Your behaviour shouldn't be belittled and in my opinion, you are a person who is experiencing a mental decline rather than a pathetic person.

I can sense that you feel trapped by the state you're in and how it feels uncontrollable - like there's some sort of powerful entity stopping you from living a better life. It must be so overwhelmingly suffocating. I agree with @marcellus_beauregard as thinking of 'why' might not serve you well at this moment. I can understand why we ask ourselves 'why' at these times because humans tend to look for reasons behind things in order to make sense of them and therefore, to feel some sort of relief/ease from them. In this case, there might not really be a reason behind it and to search for it will increase your current anxieties which may become destructive. Though I know how difficult it is to avoid asking 'why' since it is our instinctive response to undesirable events.

You said that you want to live and that is such an outstanding thing to hear; it means that there's a small light within you that seeks to break free from your current state and that is an incredibly difficult desire to possess. To have this wish means that you have already taken the first, greatly difficult step to live. So, I believe you can do this! I believe that you will be able to live even though this journey will be a foggy one with other unpleasant weather. I really do want you to see that there is hope - it exists and I wish you can find it. If I was the giver of hope, you deserve to have it.

I encourage you to continue to express your feelings even if it's repetitive and may lack an answer. I will be here for you; even if I don't have the words, you can lean on me until you are able to feel at ease again.

emiip98

Hi @JJLemon18 you are not a pathetic person, you have been through struggles with your mental health and it can take a toll on how you handle situations. BUT do not blame yourself for not healing quick enough, I know its hard but be patient with yourself, take small steps and be proud of what you do achieve, its a marathon not a sprint Keep pushing through and remember you have us for support

JJLemon18

@marcellus_beauregard @CaniceQ @eparker98 I'm so sorry for not responding sooner. Thank you so so much for the lovely replies!! I seriously appreciate the support I'm here for you all too!
Sorry I don't have much else to add right now, I can't think too well lately. Biggest hugs

Terry8936

@JJLemon18 I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It's important to remember that you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed and struggling with these emotions. It can be incredibly challenging to navigate through difficult feelings and experiences, but it's essential to give yourself the time and space you need to heal and grow.

It's okay to have ups and downs, and it's okay to struggle sometimes. You can reach out for help and support when you need it. Consider talking to someone you trust about what you're going through, such as a friend, family member, or a mental health professional. Sometimes, sharing our thoughts and feelings with others can be a step toward healing.

There are resources available to help you on your journey. Take care and remember that there is hope for a brighter future. We are here to listen!