If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Regret not making connections at uni, don't know how to make friends now i'm finished
ninetales7
Posts: 8 Confirmed not a robot
I recently graduated uni and i really didn't like it while i was there, so at first i was glad to finish. but now i regret how i spent my time there. it was during the covid years, and i had very bad social anxiety, so i didnt make a single friend! as soon as i started, everyone had found friend groups, and i was an outsider so no one was interested to talk to me. it was like this the whole time. i did find some friendly people, but that was only in my last 2 weeks there, so they're gone now. i just made a mistake of looking at peoples graduation pictures online, with university staff saying how proud they are of them and how they will miss them. i truly dont think anyone will notice or care that im gone. it is my own fault though. having no friends is really doing my head in now and i want to make a change. and i really want to build my confidence up so i dont fail at finding a job. but i dont know how to go about this. i live in a rural area, and all the local towns are mostly made of older people so i cant really make friends. i like outdoorsy things and i like art but i dont know how to find people who like those things too. i do volunteer work and again the people there are mostly older, and they are lovely but i dont really want my only friends to be retired people lmao. most of the time i feel content to just spend time with my dog but when i have to go into 'the outside world' i feel like having no friends has been very detrimental, and i live at home with my parents which can do my head in sometimes and i need other people in my life to talk to. any advice?
Post edited by Laura_tigger82 on
5
Comments
Sounds like you're already making steps forward through volunteering, even if the people there don't become your friends I'm sure it'll help you build confidence for future interactions.
One thing you could try is meeting people with similar interests online? I've always found that easier than in person interaction. Something like Bumble BFF might be good for finding people who live close to you. Maybe once you get to know someone you could meet up IRL and go on a nice dog walk or something.
Hope that helps, good luck! Sending you hugs ❤️
I haven't graduated yet (and hopefully) but I can say that I share pretty much the same sentiments. I know for myself that, even though I prefer being alone and living in my head, I do wish for some connection with others around my age but my freaking social anxiety...😑. I can see how it is quite difficult due to your living area and having graduated, especially if you wish to befriend people irl. I think it is important to know what type of friendship you would like to have and how would you like to befriend others (so like virtually or just virtually initially, etc.). It may help you and us give more of an idea of how to reach your wishes.
I’m currently in my last year at uni and although there are people there that I talk to, I know that they won’t be lifelong friends or anything as we only talk at uni.
Like you I have social anxiety and this has really impacted me when trying to make friends. One of my main reasons for joining The Mix was trying to improve my people skills from the comfort of being behind a screen before I do it in the ‘real world’! I also decided to spend less time on social media, as even though I would tell myself people’s lives weren’t actually as perfect as they made out, it helped not constantly having the reminder that people on there were out seeing their friends and I wasn’t.
I also wanted to improve many of my skills before trying to find a job and through this found some courses that are conducted over zoom or Skype etc. Perhaps you could see if there are any of these in the sort of sector you would like to find employment, as although it may not result in friendships, it could help with employment skills that may result in getting a job where you find friends - I know that a lot of the friends my family members have are people they went to work with.
I tend to beat myself up a lot about my lack of friends, but then I look at people like my mum whose friends are all from later in her life. Sometimes it feels like we are running out of time, but we have to remember that friends will come, even if we have to wait a little bit longer for them - that’s what I tell myself anyway!
I’m sorry if this doesn’t answer your question but I hope it helps to know that you’re not alone in how you feel🩷
Im always here too if you need someone to talk anytime
All the best,
Amy22
Hope you start to feel better and were always here if you need us
I think what i really would want from friendships is people to go on hikes with. Im applying for a job atm and when i looked on their website they had a 'meet the team' section, and a lot of people said that they spend thier free time hiking and stuff. So if i got the job i might be able to make friends with them, but its a competitive field so i might not. Also something that worries me is people treating me as just the new guy when i do get a job, and people getting mad at me when i make mistakes which i inevitably will in my first few weeks at any job. I know its mean to assume that of people but i know i will beat myself up over mistakes so i guess i just expect the same from others.
I think in the meantime i will just try and do more things. Even if the people i meet are only temporary it will buikd my confidence, and its better to socialise with strangers than not talk to anyone
It also sounds like you have a lot in common with some of the team too which is always handy as then it can be a conversation starter. Hmm I know there is a website where you can meet up with groups who talk about different things. I know on the website I think there is one where they even do walking and hikes too with other people. It may be a great way of making friends. I think the website or app is called Meet Up. I've looked into it once I can't remember now but a friend reccomended it to me and it does sound like a starting point for making friends.
It sounds great that you want to build your confidence and I think by doing this it will be a great way of boosting your confidence and social skills too. You never you may meet some really amazing people all the way too.
Also, I'm always here too if you need a friend or even a buddy to talk to I will always lend a listening ear
All the best,
Amy22
If you need a friend, I can be one. My dms are always available and we can chat about random things together. I am not saying this just because. I am saying this because I genuinely mean it.
Wishing you the best,
Marcel.