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Regret not making connections at uni, don't know how to make friends now i'm finished

ninetales7ninetales7 Posts: 8 Confirmed not a robot
edited July 16 in Sex & Relationships
I recently graduated uni and i really didn't like it while i was there, so at first i was glad to finish. but now i regret how i spent my time there. it was during the covid years, and i had very bad social anxiety, so i didnt make a single friend! as soon as i started, everyone had found friend groups, and i was an outsider so no one was interested to talk to me. it was like this the whole time. i did find some friendly people, but that was only in my last 2 weeks there, so they're gone now. i just made a mistake of looking at peoples graduation pictures online, with university staff saying how proud they are of them and how they will miss them. i truly dont think anyone will notice or care that im gone. it is my own fault though. having no friends is really doing my head in now and i want to make a change. and i really want to build my confidence up so i dont fail at finding a job. but i dont know how to go about this. i live in a rural area, and all the local towns are mostly made of older people so i cant really make friends. i like outdoorsy things and i like art but i dont know how to find people who like those things too. i do volunteer work and again the people there are mostly older, and they are lovely but i dont really want my only friends to be retired people lmao. most of the time i feel content to just spend time with my dog but when i have to go into 'the outside world' i feel like having no friends has been very detrimental, and i live at home with my parents which can do my head in sometimes and i need other people in my life to talk to. any advice?
Post edited by Laura_tigger82 on


  • indievioletindieviolet Posts: 21 Boards Initiate
    Hi @ninetales7 I just wanted to say you're not alone in how you're feeling. I just finished my first year of uni and haven't made friends due to my social anxiety. I feel the pain of seeing everyone with their friends and feeling like an outsider.

    Sounds like you're already making steps forward through volunteering, even if the people there don't become your friends I'm sure it'll help you build confidence for future interactions.

    One thing you could try is meeting people with similar interests online? I've always found that easier than in person interaction. Something like Bumble BFF might be good for finding people who live close to you. Maybe once you get to know someone you could meet up IRL and go on a nice dog walk or something.

    Hope that helps, good luck! Sending you hugs ❤️
  • CaniceQCaniceQ Posts: 122 The Mix Convert
    I haven't graduated yet (and hopefully) but I can say that I share pretty much the same sentiments. I know for myself that, even though I prefer being alone and living in my head, I do wish for some connection with others around my age but my freaking social anxiety...😑. I can see how it is quite difficult due to your living area and having graduated, especially if you wish to befriend people irl. I think it is important to know what type of friendship you would like to have and how would you like to befriend others (so like virtually or just virtually initially, etc.). It may help you and us give more of an idea of how to reach your wishes.
  • LydsRose9LydsRose9 Posts: 98 Budding Regular
    Hi @ninetales7 - I have to say I sympathise with your situation a lot.

    I’m currently in my last year at uni and although there are people there that I talk to, I know that they won’t be lifelong friends or anything as we only talk at uni.

    Like you I have social anxiety and this has really impacted me when trying to make friends. One of my main reasons for joining The Mix was trying to improve my people skills from the comfort of being behind a screen before I do it in the ‘real world’! I also decided to spend less time on social media, as even though I would tell myself people’s lives weren’t actually as perfect as they made out, it helped not constantly having the reminder that people on there were out seeing their friends and I wasn’t.

    I also wanted to improve many of my skills before trying to find a job and through this found some courses that are conducted over zoom or Skype etc. Perhaps you could see if there are any of these in the sort of sector you would like to find employment, as although it may not result in friendships, it could help with employment skills that may result in getting a job where you find friends - I know that a lot of the friends my family members have are people they went to work with.

    I tend to beat myself up a lot about my lack of friends, but then I look at people like my mum whose friends are all from later in her life. Sometimes it feels like we are running out of time, but we have to remember that friends will come, even if we have to wait a little bit longer for them - that’s what I tell myself anyway!

    I’m sorry if this doesn’t answer your question but I hope it helps to know that you’re not alone in how you feel🩷
    Keep fighting the good fight!
  • Terry8936Terry8936 Posts: 271 The Mix Regular
    Hi @ninetales7 thanks for sharing. I have experienced the similar things in my uni, but it's my last two years, so I've already made some friends in the first two years. Feeling isolated can be tough, and it's completely normal to want to make a change and build your confidence. Remember, building new friendships takes time and effort. Be patient and open to new experiences, and don't hesitate to take the initiative in reaching out to others. Keep an optimistic mindset and believe in your ability to make meaningful connections. You can try attending different clubs, groups, or online societies!
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  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 3,258 Boards Guru
    As a recent college graduate I know how you feel and you are definitely not alone in feeling like you haven't made any connections with anyone. Isolation and lonliness can be a very tricky thing to go through especially when you want to make friends but struggle with the aspect of socialising or making the first move. There is plenty of time out there to make friends and I'd say to take it easy and slow. I love that you want to change and get out of your comfort zone and that is a great way of moving forward. As someone who struggles with socialising it can be tricky trying to invest time in relationships even when you don't know what to say or talk about. Hmm I notice you enjoy walking your dog and that sounds like a great hobby. I wonder if there are any dog walking clubs that you could attend possibly where you could meet others and make friends. Joining clubs can be the start of making a friendship. I found that when I started attending a local hub in my area I began to make more friends than I thought I actually would. I also know just like @Terry8936 mentioned there are online societies and even clubs you can attend where you can make online friends. I know Discord groups can be a way of making friends even if it is a discord for your favourite hobby as then you all have something in common whether that be a film or tv show.

    Im always here too if you need someone to talk anytime :)

    All the best,

    Amy22 <3
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • emiip98emiip98 Moderator Posts: 128 The Mix Convert
    Hi @ninetales7 university isn't always for everyone especially the social side, it is a lot and its nothing you should feel bad about, speaking from personal experience in my last year I became more unsociable due to personal circumstances and lost a lot of people through that and I do not really speak to people from university now. Even going into my first job I wasn't that confident however once I started to settle into my first job I made some amazing friends for life and my confidence in general grew, university will not full prepare you for everything and some things take time so be patient with yourself <3 A great way to meet new people could be joining a club and meeting people with similar interests :)

    Hope you start to feel better and were always here if you need us :)
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email [email protected] with questions or concerns.
  • ninetales7ninetales7 Posts: 8 Confirmed not a robot
    Wow, im so amazed at the kind responses you've all left. It really means a lot :) im glad to know that im not the only one whos gone through this. Uni really just wasnt the right environment for me, so i should feel a bit more optimistic about what comes next. I feel like i will have a bteer shot at making friends when i find a full time job. I just wish i had some at the moment for emotional support while i go through feelings of being lost and uncertain while job hunting, but people have always helped me on this forum so im not totally alone there.

    I think what i really would want from friendships is people to go on hikes with. Im applying for a job atm and when i looked on their website they had a 'meet the team' section, and a lot of people said that they spend thier free time hiking and stuff. So if i got the job i might be able to make friends with them, but its a competitive field so i might not. Also something that worries me is people treating me as just the new guy when i do get a job, and people getting mad at me when i make mistakes which i inevitably will in my first few weeks at any job. I know its mean to assume that of people but i know i will beat myself up over mistakes so i guess i just expect the same from others.

    I think in the meantime i will just try and do more things. Even if the people i meet are only temporary it will buikd my confidence, and its better to socialise with strangers than not talk to anyone

  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 3,258 Boards Guru
    @ninetales7 I get what you mean by feeling like the new person at work especially with mistakes. Even though I don't work I can relate to the making mistakes part especially when I was in college. However, making mistakes on your first day is normally part of the learning process too. After all you are human so don't feel like you need to be perfect or make the impression on your first day. I get that too as I also tend to beat myself up about making mistakes. However, mistakes show that you are learning and pushing yourself too. So please don't feel bad about making mistakes on your first day.

    It also sounds like you have a lot in common with some of the team too which is always handy as then it can be a conversation starter. Hmm I know there is a website where you can meet up with groups who talk about different things. I know on the website I think there is one where they even do walking and hikes too with other people. It may be a great way of making friends. I think the website or app is called Meet Up. I've looked into it once I can't remember now but a friend reccomended it to me and it does sound like a starting point for making friends.

    It sounds great that you want to build your confidence and I think by doing this it will be a great way of boosting your confidence and social skills too. You never you may meet some really amazing people all the way too.

    Also, I'm always here too if you need a friend or even a buddy to talk to I will always lend a listening ear :)

    All the best,

    Amy22 <3
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • marcellus_beauregardmarcellus_beauregard Posts: 77 Budding Regular
    I just would like to say I can relate to everyone here ( @eparker98 @Terry8936 @Amy22 @LydsRose9 @CaniceQ @indieviolet ) and I really do appreciate seeing all of you advising @ninetales7 with this.

    If you need a friend, I can be one. My dms are always available and we can chat about random things together. I am not saying this just because. I am saying this because I genuinely mean it.

    Wishing you the best,
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