Idek

Past User

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Former Member

who said that? just because you maybe share some of the same characteristics doesn't mean you are him

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Former Member

@Past User
I completely agree with what @Xee said, as even if you share a similar character doesn't mean you are him. It sounds like people aren't willing to see you as you and rather place an identity on an individual like yourself. It's great to see you say 'apparently' since it means there's a small part of you rejecting what others are trying to convince you to believe. Despite this, I know how difficult it is to try to not believe what others are trying to make you believe. However, trying not to believe is an incredible thing to do, especially when believing in it is just self-destructive and not believing in it is so difficult/almost impossible. Sadly, even if we don't want to, people's words will live in our heads. I would like to know, when do people say that? Is it when you show a particular trait or when you're in a particular situation...?

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Former Member

@Past User God that's awful. It seems that they're trying to degrade you and make you self-conscious by associating you with what they consider the worst. Honestly, that's so uncalled for. I think when they say that it is not because you are like your dad but it's like a quick trigger to make you feel bad, though idk, I could be wrong. Still, it's a horrible thing for them to say.

Amy22

@Past User That's sounds quite degrading of them to do that to you and I also agree with what @CandiceQ mentioned as it sounds like they don't understand what they are saying to you is causing you to feel upset and deeply hurt. Even though you may share a charateristic or quality like your dad, that doesn't mean you are your dad at all. It's totally normal to feel frustrated and angry too so I don't know why they would say that to you either as you are only human and sometimes feelings of frustration can't be helped.

Former Member

Hi @Past User it sounds like they are trying to get a rise out of you, I know its difficult but in these situations you need to remember that these are just the opinions of others and are not a true reflection of yourself, have you tried speaking with the people saying this to express that it doesn't make you feel good?

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Former Member

Oh that's not very supportive of them Have you got people that you can speak to about how you are feeling who are a bit more understanding? My advice would be to focus more of your energy on those people and try your best to ignore those comments that are trying to get a rise out of you, I know its difficult but you need to focus on your wellbeing and things that make you feel good

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Former Member

Past User wrote: »

@eparker98 nope i have no one

I can relate to you a lot. My family tells me that I am similar to my dad and I despise that. They usually tell me that whenever I become aggressive, commanding, and extremely brutal in how I voice my perspective. At first, when I was a kid, it hurt so much whenever they said that because I do not want to be compared to someone I view as corrupt, shameful, and not up to my standards of what makes a father. Even to this day, it still hurts this comparison but what has helped me was self-confidence and self-reassurance. I think to myself about the aspects of myself that are different from my dad (which is plenty may I add) and tell myself that I have a lot of healthy and ideal traits and I am better than him (I know this sounds so arrogant but it is true). It has helped me in the long run when you have no one. It takes time to build a bond and trust with yourself but you need to mentally work hard to convince yourself of that.

In addition, what has also helped was my perspective. I am not saying your mindset is in the wrong rather I am saying that understanding why people do such things like simply comparing you to someone else because of one singular trait will help you have inner peace with yourself. It is natural for humans, especially people who don't really think deeply or see the bigger picture of your complete, to make simple nit-picks on who you are. Also, humans intrinsic like to make comparisons because it helps them understand things since it is easier to compare rather than think or just leave it be.

You are your own person and I can start you off with some based on my own observations. The fact that you are here, on TheMix community, talking about this is most likely not what your dad is doing, right. That's a difference. The fact that most people who join this community seeks help through posting their concerns like yourself shows that you are someone who seeks self-improvement (even if it is a subconscious thing/unintentional). That's another difference. You are very active in posting things or contributing to others posts which shows that you seek things which means you are an individual who is very engaged (especially in relation to topics that you can relate with or are passionate about or willing to speak up to). That's another difference.

I may not know you as a whole yet since there are a lot of people on this community but I always seek to understand someone even if you're displaying another trait of yours in a certain situation. So, don't put yourself down and you are you, remember that.