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Ive only came to the realisation now of how manipulative and horrible my parents have been

IainJammyboyIainJammyboy Posts: 562 Incredible Poster
edited July 10 in Sex & Relationships
The fact it took me so long to realise that they are the reason why I attempted suicide, that they were they reason why I'm not getting better, it's their fault. They manipulated me in the way after attempting suicide that if I died it would break apart the family, and that they would be seen as good parents without a care for my life. My dad told me the only reason I'm alive is so everyone else around me doesn't have to deal with my death. I dont trust them, I never have done, they don't care about me as much as they say they do - they blame me for everything, it feels like they don't care for my life as much as they care about their reputation. They blame me for my suicide attempt, they guilt trip me into thinking its all my fault, and the constant shouting right after my attempt for completely unrelated reasons. If they were to see this post they would freak out, they'd look at me as if I'm acting entitled and horrible but that they are doing nothing wrong. I don't know if this is another time where I'm making things out worse than they are, or if its just all in my head, but to me that makes an incredible amount of sense around my life and everything that's going on. But what now??? There's not much I can do seeing they just shout at me when I want to discuss going into student accommodation. I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Wednesday though, so I will explain this to her - maybe i am in the wrong about needing more medication but more about a shitty home life, if this even qualifies as that. Decided I'd put a random picture of my old dog when he was a puppy just for funob88cig3kbqq.jpg


  • IainJammyboyIainJammyboy Posts: 562 Incredible Poster
    We ended up sending my dog to work on a farm as that what really suits him, especially seeing that's what his parents done too - would have loved to keep him but home life wasn't for him, he was way too smart and active. He'd just keep running about and playing for years on end if he had the chance - he's the black one on the right, I really hope he's enjoying his new life. It wasn't the common lie that parents say when they have to put their dog down lmao8mzh7m5wwbzo.jpg
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 4,950 The Mix Elder
    It wasn't the common lie that parents say when they have to put their dog down lmao
    Had me in the first half 😅

    It's normal to grow up and reflect on your relationship with your parents and the way they looked after you (or didn't). It's healthy to think about, because it can add context to your experiences and reframe how you think about your childhood, and maybe even you as a person.

    This might be a tangent, but the way we perceive ourselves tends to be influenced by people around us. And if those people don't understand our experiences and negatively judge our behaviour, that can become how we see ourselves too. For me, one of the biggest things about moving away and finding my own people was breaking free of that.

    It's also so common that it borders on cliche that people have better relationships with their parents when they leave home (even if that process is rocky). I think it's because you can decide what relationship you have with them and set the terms, making it what you need it to be. A lot of people reach their late teens or early 20's and their relationship with their parents isn't good, and it takes that time and space afterward to heal and build something better.

    Like @Xee said, that doesn't excuse the way they've treated you and she's right that it won't be this horrible forever, but I get needing to leave. You mentioned wanting to go into student accommodation - is that something they're against? If so, do you know why?
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
  • IainJammyboyIainJammyboy Posts: 562 Incredible Poster
    @JustV Honestly I would do anything to go into student accommodation - my parents tell me constantly that it's worse there than at home but I don't want to be confined by their chains anymore. They tell me they don't trust me to spend a day on my own, which I can handle perfectly fine but they never give me the opportunity to show to them. One good example was when I went to visit a new city (I live in Glasgow so there's a lot of weird folk up here lol) they told me they didn't trust me to go there alone and told me to either go with a friend or not at all - I managed to get out there on my own and really enjoyed myself, got around perfectly fine despite everything they were saying and they still don't trust me. Sorry got a bit sidetracked - I would do anything to go into student accommodation - I found the perfect one that's not even a one minute walk away from the music school I'm going to next year, practice studios too, but they just told me no without explaining. When I asked them why they didn't tell me and just started shouting at me as usual - I don't know, I don't mind my mum but I absolutely dread the thought of my dad coming home, I don't know if this is right or not but I feel like I'd rather kill myself than be under the same roof as him. My older brother absolutely agrees that they are not good parents, and I've asked home to try explain that to them but my parents always have a problem dealing with any sort of criticism, or when I call them out for something wrong they've done they make it about themselves and how they are in the right and whatever I say or proof I have I am wrong. Even a couple nights ago my dad shouted at me for playing video games at 1 in the morning - I mean who doesn't as a teenager?? But the worst part is when I went to the toilet at 3 in the morning he just shouted at me for basically 'having normal bodily functions' he wouldn't even take that as an answer. I want to break free (like the song), but they've just guilt tripped and and convinced me that home is the best place I can be at with and that the world 'is a hard place' - how else am I supposed to survive and thrive as a adult in the real world if I don't get the experience???? They seem like to me they are pretty delusional. Sorry if that makes absolutely no sense, I wouldn't blame you seeing since I haven't slept for like 27 hours lmao
  • IainJammyboyIainJammyboy Posts: 562 Incredible Poster
    Now my mum's gone all in a bad mood because I talked about how I don't want to live with the family and move out with my own life
  • XeeXee Community Champion Posts: 1,057 Wise Owl
    i want to break freeee
    my brain is not braining the way brains are meant to brain
  • XeeXee Community Champion Posts: 1,057 Wise Owl
    it's ok my parents are delusional too, you're gonna be ok (I can't wait till u move out it's gonna be great)
    my brain is not braining the way brains are meant to brain
  • IainJammyboyIainJammyboy Posts: 562 Incredible Poster
    Now they're making me walk home in the rain in shorts and a hoodie because I made them upset, i honestly don't know what to say other than what an entitled brat - she just forces me to say what she wants to hear
  • XeeXee Community Champion Posts: 1,057 Wise Owl
    edited July 10
    I'm so sorry your parents are like this :( it's horrible to treat your child like this normally let alone when they're going through shit. sending massive fat warm hugs <3 in my experience just 'saying what they wanna hear' doesn't work at all, I seem to never be good enough for my parents and I just feel worse so just keep being yourself and if that isn't good enough for them then that's their issue they can fuck off (my advice is prob shit sorry idk what I'm saying)
    my brain is not braining the way brains are meant to brain
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