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Ive only came to the realisation now of how manipulative and horrible my parents have been
spacedog
Posts: 1,192 Wise Owl
The fact it took me so long to realise that they are the reason why I attempted suicide, that they were they reason why I'm not getting better, it's their fault. They manipulated me in the way after attempting suicide that if I died it would break apart the family, and that they would be seen as good parents without a care for my life. My dad told me the only reason I'm alive is so everyone else around me doesn't have to deal with my death. I dont trust them, I never have done, they don't care about me as much as they say they do - they blame me for everything, it feels like they don't care for my life as much as they care about their reputation. They blame me for my suicide attempt, they guilt trip me into thinking its all my fault, and the constant shouting right after my attempt for completely unrelated reasons. If they were to see this post they would freak out, they'd look at me as if I'm acting entitled and horrible but that they are doing nothing wrong. I don't know if this is another time where I'm making things out worse than they are, or if its just all in my head, but to me that makes an incredible amount of sense around my life and everything that's going on. But what now??? There's not much I can do seeing they just shout at me when I want to discuss going into student accommodation. I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Wednesday though, so I will explain this to her - maybe i am in the wrong about needing more medication but more about a shitty home life, if this even qualifies as that. Decided I'd put a random picture of my old dog when he was a puppy just for fun
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Anyway I'm late rn so I can't properly reply (I'm also still kinda half asleep) but I just wanted to say that I totally understand this, it sounds like our parents are pretty similar in some ways. My relationship with my parents has been so so up and down and all over the place over the past few years but we're working on it and it isn't gonna be this difficult forever so just remember your parents want the best for you even if they say things that hurt so much and they approach it all in the wrong way they just don't want to lose their son. I know that's not an excuse for treating you like shit but you just need to try your very best to communicate with them. I know that's not working right now but just remember it won't be this horrible forever and it could take years but I rpomise one day you're gonna come out of this with an amazing relationship with your parents. I'm so sorry they're like this rn though, I completely understand and it really fucking sucks. but we're all here for you
It's normal to grow up and reflect on your relationship with your parents and the way they looked after you (or didn't). It's healthy to think about, because it can add context to your experiences and reframe how you think about your childhood, and maybe even you as a person.
This might be a tangent, but the way we perceive ourselves tends to be influenced by people around us. And if those people don't understand our experiences and negatively judge our behaviour, that can become how we see ourselves too. For me, one of the biggest things about moving away and finding my own people was breaking free of that.
It's also so common that it borders on cliche that people have better relationships with their parents when they leave home (even if that process is rocky). I think it's because you can decide what relationship you have with them and set the terms, making it what you need it to be. A lot of people reach their late teens or early 20's and their relationship with their parents isn't good, and it takes that time and space afterward to heal and build something better.
Like @Xee said, that doesn't excuse the way they've treated you and she's right that it won't be this horrible forever, but I get needing to leave. You mentioned wanting to go into student accommodation - is that something they're against? If so, do you know why?