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Ive only came to the realisation now of how manipulative and horrible my parents have been
The fact it took me so long to realise that they are the reason why I attempted suicide, that they were they reason why I'm not getting better, it's their fault. They manipulated me in the way after attempting suicide that if I died it would break apart the family, and that they would be seen as good parents without a care for my life. My dad told me the only reason I'm alive is so everyone else around me doesn't have to deal with my death. I dont trust them, I never have done, they don't care about me as much as they say they do - they blame me for everything, it feels like they don't care for my life as much as they care about their reputation. They blame me for my suicide attempt, they guilt trip me into thinking its all my fault, and the constant shouting right after my attempt for completely unrelated reasons. If they were to see this post they would freak out, they'd look at me as if I'm acting entitled and horrible but that they are doing nothing wrong. I don't know if this is another time where I'm making things out worse than they are, or if its just all in my head, but to me that makes an incredible amount of sense around my life and everything that's going on. But what now??? There's not much I can do seeing they just shout at me when I want to discuss going into student accommodation. I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Wednesday though, so I will explain this to her - maybe i am in the wrong about needing more medication but more about a shitty home life, if this even qualifies as that. Decided I'd put a random picture of my old dog when he was a puppy just for fun