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Thoughts Unload
VicK_torious
Posts: 115 The Mix Convert
Feel free to express what's affliciting you 
05:05 am
Have you ever noticed that people feel more vulnerable at night?
Was it the silence, the darkness, the sound of the wind on the windows that kept them awake?
Or is it the fact that at such a time, few are those who stay up all night, and feel like members of an organization that crowns itself against humanity?
Looking at the walls around me some nights I wonder; is there anyone else out there who stays awake at night with their thoughts, their guilt, their anxieties? Why should they feel that way?
I always had the same question, "why can't I stop feeling regret?".
My instict says it has to do with my childhood. You see, I would rarely say publicly how I feel. I kept it all inside. The good, the bad. Mostly the bad ones...
Who would sit and listen to someone tell them things that might blacken their own soul?
Sometimes I feel that I am very small in relation to the world. My every concern, my every problem is not worth sorrow. Some people have worse problems, don't they?
But how come some other times I feel that the room does not fit me? Those moments where the walls slowly narrow, the room shrinks and I'm a giant struggling to make the slightest move, or the space that protects me will explode?
What troubles me sometimes seems like something out of mythology. A monster with three heads, a centaur in a threadless labyrinth. And yet no one knows that I carry these monsters with me every day. They are invisible. It's my imagination. They bring misery and take my breath away at night.
I like being alone, but I don't like feeling lonely. That's when the room shrinks again and I imagine becoming the monster I'm afraid of.
I don't like to bond with other people. I don't want them to notice how weak I am, how fragile, how insecure. I don't allow it to be seen. I look like a role model to some.
I don't want to bong witht them. Because I will hurt them. It's not easy to give your time and space to someone you love, while at the same time trying to fit yourself into the little mess you call your life. I always make room in the chamber of my mind for those I can, sometimes perhaps pushing out the little self that is in there to keep a balance. I don't want any of them to feel helpless, alone, vulnerable. Like me. In their eyes I may look like an earthly angel. A savior. A shoulder to lean on, a hug like a shadow to let go of what's weighing them down and relax.
05:05 am
Have you ever noticed that people feel more vulnerable at night?
Was it the silence, the darkness, the sound of the wind on the windows that kept them awake?
Or is it the fact that at such a time, few are those who stay up all night, and feel like members of an organization that crowns itself against humanity?
Looking at the walls around me some nights I wonder; is there anyone else out there who stays awake at night with their thoughts, their guilt, their anxieties? Why should they feel that way?
I always had the same question, "why can't I stop feeling regret?".
My instict says it has to do with my childhood. You see, I would rarely say publicly how I feel. I kept it all inside. The good, the bad. Mostly the bad ones...
Who would sit and listen to someone tell them things that might blacken their own soul?
Sometimes I feel that I am very small in relation to the world. My every concern, my every problem is not worth sorrow. Some people have worse problems, don't they?
But how come some other times I feel that the room does not fit me? Those moments where the walls slowly narrow, the room shrinks and I'm a giant struggling to make the slightest move, or the space that protects me will explode?
What troubles me sometimes seems like something out of mythology. A monster with three heads, a centaur in a threadless labyrinth. And yet no one knows that I carry these monsters with me every day. They are invisible. It's my imagination. They bring misery and take my breath away at night.
I like being alone, but I don't like feeling lonely. That's when the room shrinks again and I imagine becoming the monster I'm afraid of.
I don't like to bond with other people. I don't want them to notice how weak I am, how fragile, how insecure. I don't allow it to be seen. I look like a role model to some.
I don't want to bong witht them. Because I will hurt them. It's not easy to give your time and space to someone you love, while at the same time trying to fit yourself into the little mess you call your life. I always make room in the chamber of my mind for those I can, sometimes perhaps pushing out the little self that is in there to keep a balance. I don't want any of them to feel helpless, alone, vulnerable. Like me. In their eyes I may look like an earthly angel. A savior. A shoulder to lean on, a hug like a shadow to let go of what's weighing them down and relax.
6
Comments
Do you ever wonder why those celebrities that you grew up, saw as idols ended up being the most horrible people in the future
It makes me wonder if being famous and well known is worth in the end as it turns you into a monster
Do you ever wonder why people can be so horrible and mean towards others
Why do I always feel like I am slowly become part of the system, becoming a monster of my own sorts, becoming this fraud I wake up and see in the mirror
I want to be an ally, a supporter but I feel like such a bad person who is undeserving of everything
I've made mistakes, too many to be in fact even though my tutors and my family told me that everything is alright. I broken rules, bend the curves a bit through my mistakes and this is something I'll take with me until the end of my days.
Why do I feel so happy and sad at the same time when really I should feel grateful for everything I have
Your words are so gorgeous. They encompass every internal beauty that belongs to you. I hope you know that you should be proud of yourself for expressing such vulnerable thoughts. You are not alone in your thoughts. The great thing about being in our generation is that at some point in history, someone else has had to have had almost the exact same thoughts just maybe a different way in expressing them. You are not alone in your thoughts! I often have thoughts that plague me, especially in the silence of night. It's what we do with those thoughts that counts though.. here for you in any way you need
this is beautiful @Amy22
Thank you @indieviolet