Do you feel touch starved?

JustV

Was reading about how more and more people (particularly younger people) are feeling 'touch starved'. It's a kind of physical/tactile loneliness that you might feel if you're not seeing your friends in person, not getting enough hugs, or maybe you want to be in a relationship.

Curious if this resonates with anyone?

Amy22

I will be honest I know I shoulden't feel like I am touch starved when in comparison I am more of an introvert at times so being on my own I can find being peaceful. However, sometimes I do find myself feeling lonely at times and I need loudness. I need lots of noise to drown out the thoughts that want to fight me day in and out. I tend to get lonely when there's no college or if I don't see my friends as much. I don't go out as much and I know I should get out more. I've only started to become more confident with being around other people but I know this sounds silly but I still feel a sense of loneliness when I'm in a group or surrounded by friends. Speaking of relationships I was that person as everyone I knew either were in a relationship and I felt like the odd one out. I was previously in a relationship however I saw them more as a friend. I think I said yes to them because I felt like the odd one out and at the time I was going through a hard time with my dad being ill in hospital. We rushed things too fast and I ended not liking the romantic side such as kissing and hugging as of my sensory needs too. We are both neurodiverse but they would get sad if I didn't want a hug. Sorry for the longish rant, I guess I do get touch starved sometimes.

JJLemon18

Honestly, I think I am. But at the same time I'm unsure since I'd avoid contact with people at all costs. Its like I really really want to spend time with people but I'm always too anxious, plus I don't really have anyone to spend time with beside family, but I tend to avoid them too for some reason. Maybe that's less 'touch starved' and more just loneliness idk.

JustV

Amy22 wrote: »

I will be honest I know I shoulden't feel like I am touch starved when in comparison I am more of an introvert at times so being on my own I can find being peaceful. However, sometimes I do find myself feeling lonely at times and I need loudness. I need lots of noise to drown out the thoughts that want to fight me day in and out. I tend to get lonely when there's no college or if I don't see my friends as much. I don't go out as much and I know I should get out more. I've only started to become more confident with being around other people but I know this sounds silly but I still feel a sense of loneliness when I'm in a group or surrounded by friends. Speaking of relationships I was that person as everyone I knew either were in a relationship and I felt like the odd one out. I was previously in a relationship however I saw them more as a friend. I think I said yes to them because I felt like the odd one out and at the time I was going through a hard time with my dad being ill in hospital. We rushed things too fast and I ended not liking the romantic side such as kissing and hugging as of my sensory needs too. We are both neurodiverse but they would get sad if I didn't want a hug. Sorry for the longish rant, I guess I do get touch starved sometimes.

I think I get you @Amy22. Even if we're around people, not feeling like a proper part of that group can make us feel lonely. People often say that about living in a big city - you're surrounded by people all the time but you're not connected to them, so it still feels lonely.

Also, I wonder if being alone and being lonely are different things? I'm an introvert too and need some time by myself, but that feels different to being lonely. Even when I'm by myself I know I have friends and loved ones in my life that I feel close to.

JJLemon18 wrote: »

Honestly, I think I am. But at the same time I'm unsure since I'd avoid contact with people at all costs. Its like I really really want to spend time with people but I'm always too anxious, plus I don't really have anyone to spend time with beside family, but I tend to avoid them too for some reason. Maybe that's less 'touch starved' and more just loneliness idk.

I relate to this @JJLemon18, not so much now but earlier in my life. Maybe we can be lonely, touch starved, or both? Interesting to think about out different needs as humans.

Also I guess you can have valid feelings of wanting physical contact with people but also have mental or social barriers that prevent that need from being met.

JJLemon18

@JustV Yea I agree. Sometimes I feel like there are several parts of me, some that want to spend time with others, some that want to be alone and avoid contact, and some that like spending time on the internet like here. They also seem to have slightly different personalities, for example I definitely don't talk this much to people at uni or even family at home haha. Its like the Jakub who spends time at home wishes to be out and around people, but the Jakub outside feels uncomfortable and wishes to go home as fast as possible. And both of those are different from @JJLemon18 in a way. Idk this sounds kinda weird.

Also I see why people don't like using 'labels', because there is no definite for being 'lonely' or 'touch starved', there is always some form of in-between as well as many other factors in play. Like with me, I always thought I'm an introvert because of how much I stay inside and avoid people, until recently where I realised that I could just be a shy extrovert that (as you said) has barriers that prevent me from going outside. I'd assume if I was actually an introvert I would enjoy being alone a lot more, but I just wish I had people to spend time with outside instead. It's weird. Sorry I'm rambling, it feels like half of what I'm saying doesn't make sense.

Amy22

JJLemon18 wrote: »

@JustV Yea I agree. Sometimes I feel like there are several parts of me, some that want to spend time with others, some that want to be alone and avoid contact, and some that like spending time on the internet like here. They also seem to have slightly different personalities, for example I definitely don't talk this much to people at uni or even family at home haha. Its like the Jakub who spends time at home wishes to be out and around people, but the Jakub outside feels uncomfortable and wishes to go home as fast as possible. And both of those are different from @JJLemon18 in a way. Idk this sounds kinda weird.

Also I see why people don't like using 'labels', because there is no definite for being 'lonely' or 'touch starved', there is always some form of in-between as well as many other factors in play. Like with me, I always thought I'm an introvert because of how much I stay inside and avoid people, until recently where I realised that I could just be a shy extrovert that (as you said) has barriers that prevent me from going outside. I'd assume if I was actually an introvert I would enjoy being alone a lot more, but I just wish I had people to spend time with outside instead. It's weird. Sorry I'm rambling, it feels like half of what I'm saying doesn't make sense.

I also totally feel that way @JJLemon18 too I find the me at home is more outgoing and confident and the outdoor me when I do go out out is quiet, shy and nervous all the time. Even though I am slowly starting to work on my social anxiety and improve my self confidence.

I also find that I have my own social barriers too sometimes around people, like I struggle with maintaining relationships and I struggle with trust most of the time (what happened exactly in my previous romantic relationship).

Terry8936

@JustV Yes, the feeling of being touch starved is a real experience that many of my friends and myself can resonate with, particularly during times of limited physical contact and social isolation. Touch and physical affection is important for our well-being too.

emiip98

@JustV I would say so, I'm like an extrovert/Introvert so I do like to have my time alone but if its for too long I do start to get really lonely not having contact with people for a few days. Humans are naturally quite social beings and need socialisation to thrive even if its only for a little while.

LydsRose9

I have to say, I resonate with so much of what had been said. I remember at school, which was over 5 years ago now, telling people I wasn’t a hugger and it seems like that ‘non-hugger’ label has stuck with me for the two friends who have stayed with me since then!
So even now when I’m much more comfortable with physical affection, I find that I don’t get any because people assume that I feel the same as I did back then (which shows I probably need to work on my communication!)
I think I’ve definitely felt more ‘touch-starved’ as I’ve got older. I’m not sure why, perhaps because I can see a lot of people my age, especially on social media, in relationships and going out all the time which I don’t have or do so I feel like I’m missing out on something - the perils of social media!🤦🏻‍♀️
On the positive side, I’m hoping this is something I can work on, by having conversations with the people I know, as I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling like this!

Maria2008

Honestly idk i guess because im only touch starved by some peopl like my friends but i dont feel touch starved by my girl mates and my parents and siblings but with my boy mates i can hug them all the time but othersw will think im dating them but i already have a bf so yh its complicated