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Idk what to do anymore. TW
Chloe234
Community Champion Posts: 3,507 Community Veteran
Everything's falling apart. I can't do this. It's too much. My family is tipping apart, I'm mentally falling apart, I'm shutting everyone out, my friend is messaging me abt suicide, another is just randomly sending pictures of their sh. It's too much but I can't do anything. I can't support anymore. But I can't not be there. It's so much 
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I'm hearing how things are piling up with having to juggle some family issues, with your own mental health, and struggling to support others. You've got a lot going on for you and so it is completely understandable that things feel too much. It's totally okay not to be okay right now.
I can hear how much of a caring person you are, Chloe, and how much you want to support others but it sounds so difficult to do this when you're struggling yourself. In these situations, you could nudge your friends in the direction of a support service (like Samaritans, Crisis Messenger, Papyrus) where they can be best supported to discuss things like suicide and sh. How would you feel about doing this?
It's important to take good care of yourself. How have you been coping with all of this? What kind of support do you have around you?
We'll be here if you'd like to share more. Keep going, Chloe, we really care about you
Im Being referred to CAMHS by school because apparently I'm "worrying them". I don't want it but when they told me and asked if it was ok I felt obliged to say yes. I don't want professional help. I don't want people to know I'm struggling. Others need the services more than me. I'm unhelpable so I don't want to waste these people's times too. It makes it even worse that my dad will have to know too and if they accept the referral then he will have to be in the introduction meeting and will have to find out that I sh. It's shit it really is. I don't want professional help, I don't deserve it.
I've mentioned them before but they never want that sort of help so I have to try come up with something.
I've not been coping great yet I still survived. I have a school counsellor but that's all atm until this camhs referral is sorted.
Just wanted to check in to see how you are feeling?
How you finding the support from the school counsellor?
It's really positive that you are talking about things on here, we are here for you
I really do hope you are feeling even the slightest better at the moment
I do understand that the thought of others knowing your struggles might seem terrifying, or somehow feel embarassing at times, however, it is important to remember that a proffessional will never judge you, and they are also obligated to keep your conversations secure and confidential, even from your closest family members!
My advice would be to not compare the level of your struggling with others' when it comes to asking help from services. Your mental welfare is as important and matters just as much as any other person's! Mental health services exist to help eveyone who may struggle, and mental health difficulties are always different and non-comparable!
A person who may drown in 10 feet of water, needs just as much help as a person who drowns in 20 feet. You deserve help and recovery, and by no means should you belittle yourself for the sake of others, whose problems may feel more important!
I know an online service which provides anomymous proffessional advice from counselors and professionals, and you can talk with other people with the same experiences too! In case you wish to talk to someone professional, but not want them to know who you are, you can try it
https://www.kooth.com/
As regarding your friends who self-harm, I'm sure you have done a great job at making them feel valued, but it is not only in your hands to stop them from engaging with such harming comping mechanisms! From my experience, some people may use self-harming as a way of derealisation. A method to 'numb' themselves from psychological pain, by altering to physical pain.
Some others may lie about self-harming as a way of indirectly 'asking' from someone to open that little door that separates empathy and sympathy, and have people check on them and keep them away from actually self-harming.
Both of these people are vulnerable and I'd suggest that they be offered a different kind of support, either from a school counselor or a professional service. You've done amazingly at keeping them safe, however, it's surely not easy for you to continue doing this without sharing with someone professional how it may have affected you.
I hope you have some people whom you feel comfortable opening up to.. If not, you can always vent here, in the discussions boards, or send me or anyone you feel more comfortable with a private message.
I know that things may feel hard to manage at the moment, but if you keep being strong and prioritise caring for yourself first and then others, you'll soon feel better and get through this. You're not alone, and asking for help does not make you less strong or independent
How have you been coping with all of this? sometimes when things begin to feel too much for us to handle on our own talking to someone can help lift some of that weight off our shoulders. Have you tried contacting Samaritans or Shout?