I hate it

JJLemon18

Hello. Sorry I've been posting so much, I've kinda been here non stop. I know that if I keep on posting the same big rambles over and over then they start becoming meaningless, kind of like when you hear the same sound over and over until it starts to dissipate into the background and you pay no attention to it anymore, you can barely tell its even there.
Anyways, I haven't even started saying what I came here to say and I'm already rambling...

I'm feel the worst. My mood, motivation and will power are all as low as never before, I didn't even know they could get so low. Today I couldn't sleep for 3 hours, I spent from 2pm to 3pm writing out another one of my long posts, the most depressing one yet. I'm not sure I want to post it tho, there is definitely a lot there.
I don't know what has happened to my life, I don't even know where it was or what made me happy before. I'm genuinely surprised by how long I've managed to live being this way. But I hate it, I hate everything that's happening around me and I feel so powerless to do anything about it, no matter how much good advice I get. No matter how much I tell myself I'm okay I can't help but think of the mess I got myself in. Maybe I'm just overreacting and its not as bad as I make it seem, but its been so long and its only getting worse. I'm not okay.
I keep making the same stupid mistakes then constantly beating myself up for them. I hate how I keep complaining about how horrible of a situation I'm in but then proceed to do nothing about it. Every chance or opportunity I get I just fuck it all up for some reason. I don't get it. Why can't I just be normal...

Anyway, I'll stop myself here for now. I might add some more later, including that post that I mentioned.
Sending hugs to everyone! Take care.

My mum literally just walked into the room and mentioned the dying plants on the windowsill, I replied with 'they're living better than me' which I found funny at first but then realised how true it actually is... the leaves are at least facing the sun, which is already better than me...

emiip98

Hey there, I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, sending hugs We are hear to listen so if you need to get this off of your chest then rant away it tends to help to get your feelings out in the open. We have to make mistakes to learn from them and grow so don't be so hard on yourself about things. You are amazing and I really do hope things start to get better for you soon

Terry8936

@JJLemon18 It's important to be patient and kind to yourself during difficult times. Healing and making positive changes take time, and setbacks are a normal part of the process. Remember that you're not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help.

If you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and concerns in the form of a post, please feel free to do so. Sometimes putting your thoughts into words can provide a sense of release and clarity. However, always prioritize your well-being and consider what feels most appropriate for you in the moment. Take care of yourself, and know that you're not alone in this journey.

JJLemon18

Thank you so much @eparker98 and @Terry8936!

I know it takes time, but that's the problem, I don't have time. For example my uni courseworks, they won't wait for me. This time I haven't submitted one, I've not finished the second one, and the third one I have due tomorrow but barely even started it... If I don't fail this year then it will be a miracle, and I've already had plenty of miracles before...

Oh I will definitely learn from these mistakes, I just don't know how long it will take me. But still there are some things I can't fix anymore.

I'm still unsure whether to post that thing, half of it is just me listing all the ways I hate my life. Listen, I was feeling really down and tired when I was typing it out lol. It does make me think though, how much is 'too much' to share? Like there are some things that I feel like are just so unnecessary for me to be saying here. (I feel like I've asked this exact thing before)

Again, thank you! You guys always know what to say to make someone feel better Sending hugs!

(I've just realised I keep posting my rambles on thursdays (or a bit before) and that you two are always here on thursdays. You two must think I'm complaining all the time haha )

emiip98

Hi @JJLemon18 I hope you have been having a better week

Have you tried applying for extenuating circumstances with your university? If you let them know what's been going on and how you have been struggling with your mental health they can offer to extend your deadlines and they are usually more lenient with grading. I have personally had to use this myself and I found it useful and it really helped me out. It may also be worth speaking with the mental health team at your university and your lecturers to see what further support they can provide you (if you haven not tried all of this already)

You cannot put a timescale on it, it could be years but be patient with yourself and allow yourself time to get better

JJLemon18

Thank you @eparker98
Yea I already got extra time and they said they can't give me any more. But I did get my grades back for two of my modules (I think. Their system is really confusing lol) and I have passed both! One of them I got just enough percent to pass. And the other, it seems the lecturer (also my tutor) has given me 25% although I handed in almost nothing, which is weird. It lets me pass the module (I hope) and I think he may have been lenient with the marking, I'm not sure he's allowed to give me this much though... I'm not complaining!

You're right, I must be patient. I'm learning quick though so I know I'll get there, I'm being positive for once!

I hope you're well

emiip98

Hi @JJLemon18 I am good thank you, wow that's amazing well done!! You should be so proud of yourself and were really happy for you Keep going and you will see so many positive changes

yana

@JJLemon18 Well done for passing both modules!!! I'm proud of youuuu, reading that made me smile

libbystrawberry

@JJLemon18 hey im kinda late but hope ur feeling better now
if u still wanna vent u can, u wont be judged, glad some of ur deadlines have been extended