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Please help me

shameful_possum72shameful_possum72 Posts: 17 Settling in
in Sex & Relationships
Basically, I have been really worried that I have feelings for my older brother. For context, I'm 15 and he is 23, so he moved out for uni when i was about 12. He is also quite conventionally attractive. I don't really have a close bond with him, although we get on and have an ok relationship. I have been worried about having some kind of inappropriate feelings for him since about January after I visited him with my mother. At first I had been worried about finding him physically attractive, then I was paranoid about having sexual feelings for him (which I'm still not really sure about), and now my current problem is that I am worried that I have some sort of grossly inappropriate crush on him (although I would obviously never tell him any of this happened or try and make any kind of moves). I became worried about this after video calling him with my mother and I felt kind of giddy and happy and nervous talking to him and that combined with the fact that he is good looking (I think it's necessary to mention that this is not just my opinion, girls are often interested in him) and the fact that I don't know how I would feel if he got a girfriend (I think I would be excited to meet her but also would feel a little bit of sadness which is obviously worrying) made me really worried that I like him in that way, which is obviously completely inappropriate. I can't help feeling anxious about it almost constantly and thinking that my friends and everyone I know (appart from my mum who tries to talk it through with me and says it's normal) would hate me if they knew and I worry that it's true and that these feelings will last forever. My worries and upset over it have gotten me to the point that I often have suicidal thoughts, although I don't think I would actually committ. Is this normal? I just can't stop panicing and thinking that there's something is wrong with me 🙁 has anyone else been through this?

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    AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,035 Boards Guru
    You've taken a really brave step reaching out for support here. I can hear how much you've been going through and how isolated you've been feeling too. We are always here for you here and the community are so lovely here so you'll always have others to talk to and get support <3

    I wanted to echo what your mum has been sharing with you, It is normal to have these feelings particularly as you're growing up and at an age where you would be showing an interest in others. Have you felt this way towards anyone else before or just your brother at the moment?

    I'm also really sorry to hear your worries have lead towards you experiencing suicidal thoughts. It can be really hard when we're worrying about what other people may think especially friends but you've done so well in reaching out to your mum, that's a huge step and you're so brave for doing so. Also wanted to acknowledge again how strong you've been to share with us here too. How have you been finding the support from your mum? How are you managing the anxiety you've been feeling too?
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
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    Terry8936Terry8936 Posts: 271 The Mix Regular
    Hi, it's brave to share your feelings! It's important to remember that having thoughts and feelings is not your fault, and it's quite common to experience confusing or overwhelming emotions during adolescence.

    Regarding your concerns about your feelings for your brother, it's important to understand that having occasional crushes or feelings of attraction towards people is a normal part of growing up and exploring your sexuality. You can set boundaries and maintain appropriate relationships with family members.

    If you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, you can consider seeking support and guidance from a professional, such as a therapist or counselor, who can help you work through your thoughts and feelings in a safe and non-judgmental environment. Remember that you are not alone and there is always help available! We’re also here to listen to you whenever you need!
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    emiip98emiip98 Moderator Posts: 132 The Mix Convert
    Hi @shameful_possum72 its great that you can share this with us, we are not always in control of our thoughts and feelings and sometimes this can be confusing, its all part of being a young adult.

    With these feelings being new to you it my be that you are still processing what they mean, it could simply just be that you idolise your brother and he has a very important role in your life and a close bond with you which is very normal.

    Just to reiterate what Terry and Aife have said please seek some support if you are having suicidal thoughts and make sure you look after yourself! Remember there is always someone to help if needed and you are never alone <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    shameful_possum72shameful_possum72 Posts: 17 Settling in
    Thank you :)
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    shameful_possum72shameful_possum72 Posts: 17 Settling in
    Aife wrote: »
    You've taken a really brave step reaching out for support here. I can hear how much you've been going through and how isolated you've been feeling too. We are always here for you here and the community are so lovely here so you'll always have others to talk to and get support <3

    I wanted to echo what your mum has been sharing with you, It is normal to have these feelings particularly as you're growing up and at an age where you would be showing an interest in others. Have you felt this way towards anyone else before or just your brother at the moment?

    I'm also really sorry to hear your worries have lead towards you experiencing suicidal thoughts. It can be really hard when we're worrying about what other people may think especially friends but you've done so well in reaching out to your mum, that's a huge step and you're so brave for doing so. Also wanted to acknowledge again how strong you've been to share with us here too. How have you been finding the support from your mum? How are you managing the anxiety you've been feeling too?

    Thanks for answering, I qjestion in I jave feelings for multiple people from school pretty mjch daily as well. The support from my mum is great but I always convince myself she's just biased and just wants me to stop worrying so sometimes I don't let her support get through to me :( . I have managed my anxiety by seeking reassurance, telling myself it's normal and talking to my mum. Thanks again for your reassuring response.
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    RenPRenP Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    @shameful_possum72

    Thank you for sharing this with us. How do you feel after sharing this with us?

    Ultimately we cannot control our thoughts and feelings as they manifest in our heads, but most people can control if those thoughts are acted upon. It's totally natural to have thoughts like this, but it might make you feel better if you told yourself you wouldn't act on them, then maybe you'll feel better. What do you reckon?

    I'm really sorry to hear you've been having suicidal thoughts. People often can be quick to judge in this world but these forums on The Mix are the last place you would ever receive judgement, and sharing with mum is really great too.

    You are only human @shameful_possum72 and it's okay <3
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