extremley confused about my current situation (TW)

spacedog

I' been hearing these extremley distressing voices over the past 6 months that i have talked about before, but i was looking at notes i had wrote down in the past 4 weeks and have been having really bad episodes of voices screaming in my ear to off myself and i could hear banging on the door, but i have no recollection of any of these episodes at all. as much as i fight back and no matter how much i disagree with the thoughts they push into my head, i've lost control once a couple weeks ago where i felt i wasnt in control of my own body, and ended up attempting suicide and i'm just terrified its going to get worse - i just dont want to lose control again. also the fact ive found people i know like to talk about 'the voices' in a quirky funny way, and even people who self diagnose themselves with real and made up disorders, i just feel like im not worthy of any help but im just really scared of it getting worse. the voices have been getting much worse in the past month, but im planning to get private healthcare in a few weeks. sorry if this doesn't belong here, im just really scared if i were to phone any mental health charities they would send me to a hospital - i understand why they would want to do that, but i just feel i need to chat about it.

Former Member

Hi @IainJammyboy thank you for sharing how you feel. Firstly well done, it's very brave of you to open up about how you're feeling and what your going through. Sorry that you are going through this as well, you have taken the first step and spoken about how're you're feeling on here which is good and I'm glad you have. I think it's good that you're also taking the step to reach out to private health care, which you should be proud of yourself for taking that step too. I belive that maybe talking to someone now would help you, share your concerns with them why your are scared too. I'm just going to leave some helpline numbers here for you:

Samaritans. To talk about anything that is upsetting you, you can contact Samaritans 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You can call 116 123 (free from any phone), email jo@samaritans.org or visit some branches in person. You can also call the Samaritans Welsh Language Line on 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm every day).

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM). You can call the CALM on 0800 58 58 58 (5pm–midnight every day) if you are struggling and need to talk. Or if you prefer not to speak on the phone, you could try the CALM webchat service.

Shout. If you would prefer not to talk but want some mental health support, you could text SHOUT to 85258. Shout offers a confidential 24/7 text service providing support if you are in crisis and need immediate help.

Again, you've taken the first step by speaking here which I'm glad you have. 🙂

Gemma

Hi @IainJammyboy, I just wanted to reach out to say that as @Smiley_moon has said, it is so brave of you to share your experiences with us. I hear you say that you think you're not deserving of support. I know it is difficult for all of us to understand our worth during difficult times, but what you are going through sounds really tough and frightening and you deserve to be supported. I know you have mentioned before that you haven't always had the best experiences with support services but it is a good thing to reach out when you need it, and you certainly shouldn't be judged for it.

How are you doing today? We care about you

You've shared that you've had these voices for the last 6 months but that recently they have been getting worse. These episodes that you mention sound really scary and it sounds like it has been more and more difficult for you to fight back against what the voices are telling you.

You mention that you really don't want to lose control again. Is there anything that helps you take the power back from/say no to the voices? I wondered if you had any safety strategies or blocking strategies that could help?

I hear there's a part of you that's really scared it will get worse, and so I sense that getting better is something you want to hold on to and that's important. How are you feeling about getting private healthcare in a few weeks?

You mention that you're nervous about calling mental health services, but there are organisations who can specifically help with hearing voices. Some organisations & resources that might be useful include:

The Voice Collective | call 020 7911 0822 or email info@voicecollective.co.uk. They have an online peer support forum, where you can connect in with others who are experiencing something similar to you and they also have tools on their website where you can select what difficult emotion you're experiencing currently, and it gives you relevant coping mechanisms.

Hearing Voices Network | call 0114 271 8210 or e-mail them on nhvn@hotmail.co.uk 

Our article on hearing voices on our website

Our article on how to get support if you're hearing voices

Hopefully these might make you feel less alone. We really appreciate your trust in sharing your experiences with us

spacedog

@Gemma they've been getting really really bad the last couple weeks, I keep hearing them, I can barley function anymore but I just don't know what to do anymore. It is so horrific and so detrimental I'm not sure how much more of it I can take to be honest

Former Member

@IainJammyboy It sounds like you are going through such a difficult time with these distressing voices. It’s understandable to feel scared and overwhelmed. It is important to seek help from a professional as soon as possible.

There are different types of support available, and a mental health professional can help you figure out what kind of support is best for your situation. Additionally, reaching out to a trusted friend or family member and letting them know what you are going through might be helpful. Remember, you deserve help and support, and it is brave to reach out for it. Please take care of yourself and seek help sooner.

Gemma

@IainJammyboy, you're doing so well to keep in touch with the community whilst you're going through what sounds like an incredibly scary time for you How have you been doing this weekend?

As @Terry8936 has said, it's so understandable to feel overwhelmed and stuck about what to do. How are you feeling about getting some help via private healthcare soon?

Remember that we are here for you, and there are organisations and support services, like those I shared above, that can provide you with support with hearing voices.

We care about you

spacedog

@Gemma sorry about the late response. The voices definitely haven't died down yet and they are still as bad, but since thinking about these voices it does give an explanation to all the horrific things I've been through, I just didn't understand what was going on at that time. I wish I could just get a hug - it'd fix everything. I had these voices force me to try kill myself a few weeks back though (I don't feel comfortable right now going into detail if that's ok) although I've never wanted to die, I love my life other than these stupid voices. I do have brilliant news though - I spoke to my psychiatric nurse on Wednesday who explained why everyone assumed it was anxiety - my first psychiatric appointment she assumed it was just anxiety and so that's been permanently burned into my notes which makes alot of sense feeling I've not being listened to, but she insisted on changing my notes and since I have a psychiatrist appointment next Monday she was going to talk to the psychiatrist before that point to explain the voices and get me on the right treatment plan which I really really can't wait for. I know it's kind of sad to be excited about but at least I feel like I that point I will really be able to live my life to the fullest.

Gemma

@IainJammyboy, no apologies needed. I'm sorry to hear that the voices haven't died down yet. Sending you hugs alongside the rest of the community

Please only share whatever you feel comfortable sharing on here. It is so brave of you to share even a snippet of the really tough things you're going through.

I am so so pleased to hear that you have this brilliant news! Although, it is really difficult to hear that these assumptions and admin errors meant that you haven't felt listened to or understood with the psychiatric team.

It's amazing that you feel so positively about going forward now with your appointment next Monday to get you on the right treatment. I share your excitement in this - you deserve the right help and support and it's fantastic that it sounds like you're on track to getting this now

What kind of support do you have around you, in family or friends?

spacedog

@Gemma I have big great news!! I talked to my psychiatrist and she thinks it's early stages of psychosis which depending on the results of an EEG on my brain she will refer me to an early psychosis intervention team which I am weirdly excited for. I guess I'm just excited after waiting sooo long for it

Gemma

@IainJammyboy, I'm so glad to hear this!! It sounds like you are finally being listened to and on track to getting the right support. I'm so pleased to hear your positivity

Well done for continuing to advocate for yourself. It's no easy thing and it's so brave of you to continue sharing your story with us