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extremley confused about my current situation (TW)
I' been hearing these extremley distressing voices over the past 6 months that i have talked about before, but i was looking at notes i had wrote down in the past 4 weeks and have been having really bad episodes of voices screaming in my ear to off myself and i could hear banging on the door, but i have no recollection of any of these episodes at all. as much as i fight back and no matter how much i disagree with the thoughts they push into my head, i've lost control once a couple weeks ago where i felt i wasnt in control of my own body, and ended up attempting suicide and i'm just terrified its going to get worse - i just dont want to lose control again. also the fact ive found people i know like to talk about 'the voices' in a quirky funny way, and even people who self diagnose themselves with real and made up disorders, i just feel like im not worthy of any help but im just really scared of it getting worse. the voices have been getting much worse in the past month, but im planning to get private healthcare in a few weeks. sorry if this doesn't belong here, im just really scared if i were to phone any mental health charities they would send me to a hospital - i understand why they would want to do that, but i just feel i need to chat about it.