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A weird situation
JJLemon18
Community Champion Posts: 2,021 Boards Champion
Okay, so I want to start by saying I love this place for many reasons but one of them is the fact that I can ask weird questions that I don't think I could ask anywhere else (okay maybe I could ask a good friend but I don't have one so here I am). It is a weird situation for me and I will probably have trouble explaining it. (Also it will contain a fair amount of backstory so be warned if you don't care or have much time, this is not that important)
Me, my brother and my parents would occasionally go for visits to a family, who are good childhood friends of my parents. They live in Poland and so we would meet very rarely (approx. once every 1-2 years). These visits are very stressful for me as I don't engage in any conversations (and we tend to be there a good couple of hours) so I would just sit there not knowing what to say, what to do or where to look the entire time. But I have to say the visits are generally nice, they are lovely people and the atmosphere is nice. So I tend to get mixed feelings, I want to go there but at the same time I am worried that my anxiety will kick in as usual and then I will feel horrible about myself for the next few months. They have two children where the older is a girl my age, lets just say I may have had a little crush on her, so that probably made my anxiety even worse than it already is.
Now, there were two times where they slept over at our house here in the uk for about a week both times. That was a very weird experience for me, imagine your crush sleeping at your house for two weeks (also I don't know why I hate calling her a crush but whatever). And me being me, I behaved in strange ways and did a lot of weird stuff which I still can't explain but I feel like its just my anxiety and fear of being around people that were taking over me. Throughout their whole two stays I have exchanged no more than one sentence with the girl (apart from the basic "hi" and stuff) and that is now a running joke between our parents "that one time they spoke to each other". I got her phone number (thanks to my mum) and we wrote a few messages to each other but I had no idea how to have any sort of conversation so it was so awkward and it didn't last long.
There was a time where we slept over at their house for one day and I refused to eat breakfast, I have no idea why. There is a lot more stupid stuff I could say but no one needs to hear those lol.
These "memories" embarrass me so much that I have started not wanting to visit these people anymore, and I don't know what to do as visiting them is like a rare tradition for us. There was a time when I was very young and I pretended I was feeling unwell just so I don't have to go to them (bare in mind this was one of the first visits I remember so it was before any of these things happened) and when my parents came back from them, they told me that everyone in their family was sad that I didn't come, I felt really bad and so I go to every single visit since.
But right now I don't feel like my mental state is great, so I feel like telling my parents that I don't want to go next time which could be very soon as we are going to Poland for Easter this friday. I don't know if that's a good idea as I know I will probably regret it later. I seriously don't know what to think about this. I know I will feel bad whether I decide to go or not.
Thank you for reading this, I tried to make it as understandable as possible but I know its still not. So I am more than happy to explain anything that doesn't make sense.
Me, my brother and my parents would occasionally go for visits to a family, who are good childhood friends of my parents. They live in Poland and so we would meet very rarely (approx. once every 1-2 years). These visits are very stressful for me as I don't engage in any conversations (and we tend to be there a good couple of hours) so I would just sit there not knowing what to say, what to do or where to look the entire time. But I have to say the visits are generally nice, they are lovely people and the atmosphere is nice. So I tend to get mixed feelings, I want to go there but at the same time I am worried that my anxiety will kick in as usual and then I will feel horrible about myself for the next few months. They have two children where the older is a girl my age, lets just say I may have had a little crush on her, so that probably made my anxiety even worse than it already is.
Now, there were two times where they slept over at our house here in the uk for about a week both times. That was a very weird experience for me, imagine your crush sleeping at your house for two weeks (also I don't know why I hate calling her a crush but whatever). And me being me, I behaved in strange ways and did a lot of weird stuff which I still can't explain but I feel like its just my anxiety and fear of being around people that were taking over me. Throughout their whole two stays I have exchanged no more than one sentence with the girl (apart from the basic "hi" and stuff) and that is now a running joke between our parents "that one time they spoke to each other". I got her phone number (thanks to my mum) and we wrote a few messages to each other but I had no idea how to have any sort of conversation so it was so awkward and it didn't last long.
There was a time where we slept over at their house for one day and I refused to eat breakfast, I have no idea why. There is a lot more stupid stuff I could say but no one needs to hear those lol.
These "memories" embarrass me so much that I have started not wanting to visit these people anymore, and I don't know what to do as visiting them is like a rare tradition for us. There was a time when I was very young and I pretended I was feeling unwell just so I don't have to go to them (bare in mind this was one of the first visits I remember so it was before any of these things happened) and when my parents came back from them, they told me that everyone in their family was sad that I didn't come, I felt really bad and so I go to every single visit since.
But right now I don't feel like my mental state is great, so I feel like telling my parents that I don't want to go next time which could be very soon as we are going to Poland for Easter this friday. I don't know if that's a good idea as I know I will probably regret it later. I seriously don't know what to think about this. I know I will feel bad whether I decide to go or not.
Thank you for reading this, I tried to make it as understandable as possible but I know its still not. So I am more than happy to explain anything that doesn't make sense.
Believe in me - who believes in you
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The last time I seen them was during the summer and it was eh, basically it was awkward as always (at least for me, everyone else was doing fine). I'm just scared they will say something that will make me lose it as I won't know how to respond.
Anyways I am pretty much over her at this point, maybe if our contact gets better in the future I might mention that I had a crush on her as a joke but I doubt that's happening. (Although I just realised how much I wrote about her so maybe there is still a very little crush... xD)