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A weird situation

JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 1,876 Extreme Poster
Okay, so I want to start by saying I love this place for many reasons but one of them is the fact that I can ask weird questions that I don't think I could ask anywhere else (okay maybe I could ask a good friend but I don't have one so here I am). It is a weird situation for me and I will probably have trouble explaining it. (Also it will contain a fair amount of backstory so be warned if you don't care or have much time, this is not that important)

Me, my brother and my parents would occasionally go for visits to a family, who are good childhood friends of my parents. They live in Poland and so we would meet very rarely (approx. once every 1-2 years). These visits are very stressful for me as I don't engage in any conversations (and we tend to be there a good couple of hours) so I would just sit there not knowing what to say, what to do or where to look the entire time. But I have to say the visits are generally nice, they are lovely people and the atmosphere is nice. So I tend to get mixed feelings, I want to go there but at the same time I am worried that my anxiety will kick in as usual and then I will feel horrible about myself for the next few months. They have two children where the older is a girl my age, lets just say I may have had a little crush on her, so that probably made my anxiety even worse than it already is.

Now, there were two times where they slept over at our house here in the uk for about a week both times. That was a very weird experience for me, imagine your crush sleeping at your house for two weeks (also I don't know why I hate calling her a crush but whatever). And me being me, I behaved in strange ways and did a lot of weird stuff which I still can't explain but I feel like its just my anxiety and fear of being around people that were taking over me. Throughout their whole two stays I have exchanged no more than one sentence with the girl (apart from the basic "hi" and stuff) and that is now a running joke between our parents "that one time they spoke to each other". I got her phone number (thanks to my mum) and we wrote a few messages to each other but I had no idea how to have any sort of conversation so it was so awkward and it didn't last long.
There was a time where we slept over at their house for one day and I refused to eat breakfast, I have no idea why. There is a lot more stupid stuff I could say but no one needs to hear those lol.

These "memories" embarrass me so much that I have started not wanting to visit these people anymore, and I don't know what to do as visiting them is like a rare tradition for us. There was a time when I was very young and I pretended I was feeling unwell just so I don't have to go to them (bare in mind this was one of the first visits I remember so it was before any of these things happened) and when my parents came back from them, they told me that everyone in their family was sad that I didn't come, I felt really bad and so I go to every single visit since.
But right now I don't feel like my mental state is great, so I feel like telling my parents that I don't want to go next time which could be very soon as we are going to Poland for Easter this friday. I don't know if that's a good idea as I know I will probably regret it later. I seriously don't know what to think about this. I know I will feel bad whether I decide to go or not.

Thank you for reading this, I tried to make it as understandable as possible but I know its still not. So I am more than happy to explain anything that doesn't make sense.
Believe in me - who believes is you

Comments

  • yanayana Community Champion Posts: 1,266 Wise Owl
    That makes sense, you explained it pretty well :) I've been in suchhh a similar situation, there was this guy (family friend) one year older than me and his little sister was friends with my little sister and our parents were friends too which left the two of us and aaaah i was soo awkward. So I get it lol. How long has it been since you last saw her? Maybe you won't be as awkward if it's been a while. Fresh start sort of vibe yk? But honestly if you don't feel comfortable I think telling your parents you don't wanna go is perfectly fine and makes sense :) I'd say give it a go though. You only live once so why not!! And regret is such a shit feeling so yeah avoid it.
    my brain is not braining the way brains are meant to brain
    JJLemon18
  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 1,876 Extreme Poster
    Xee wrote: »
    I'd say give it a go though. You only live once so why not!! And regret is such a shit feeling so yeah avoid it.
    Alright, that convinced me xD

    The last time I seen them was during the summer and it was eh, basically it was awkward as always (at least for me, everyone else was doing fine). I'm just scared they will say something that will make me lose it as I won't know how to respond.
    Believe in me - who believes is you
  • JJLemon18JJLemon18 Community Champion Posts: 1,876 Extreme Poster
    Morgan007 wrote: »
    @JJLemon18 can u tell her that u like her?
    Hell nah! That's the last thing I'm telling her. I don't even talk to her normally that would be so weird coming from me. She doesn't reply to my messages a lot of the time and when she does it takes her forever, so I can kinda tell she doesn't like me (I wouldn't like myself either from her perspective lol). I feel like the only reason she replies in the first place is because she has to. My mum will always tell me its her birthday and to send her birthday wishes, she sends me birthday wishes too so I believe her mum does the same thing for her. So she might be worried if she doesn't reply I might tell my mum about it, who might bring it up at the next visit. Basically she knows we will meet again at some point so she has no choice but to reply. But that could be me overthinking again. Its kind of a funny situation we have here.

    Anyways I am pretty much over her at this point, maybe if our contact gets better in the future I might mention that I had a crush on her as a joke but I doubt that's happening. (Although I just realised how much I wrote about her so maybe there is still a very little crush... xD)
    Believe in me - who believes is you
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