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Scared to start first job
ninetales7
Posts: 8 Confirmed not a robot
in Work & Study
I'm new to this forum and hope I can find some help here.
I'm finishing my degree this summer and then will straight away start my first job. I haven't worked before since living with my family means I don't have many expenses. I was happy to get my job but now i'm starting to panic and feel dreadful. I have been studying ecology and my job will be a seasonal field surveyor for an ecological consultancy. It will be really important for me to do this job so i can get a more permanent job down the line in this field im so passionate about. But i'm scared for a few reasons:
1- its my first job
2- i will have to drive myself to the survey sites and possibly stay in a hotel if they are far away. I can drive but get so anxious driving somewhere new especially if the road takes me through an urban area. I think i would also feel very unsettled being in a hotel by myself.
3- my social skills are terrible and i worry i will make a fool out of myself infront of coworkers
4- i have anxiety and being anxious makes me do stupid things sometimes
5- my work load at university has not been very heavy so ive gotten used to having so much free time that i will soon lose.
I have been obsessive over what working will mean to my life. Although i love ecology it makes me panic to think that after this i will spend most of my waking hours doing the same thing for 40 or more years. I worry i will not live up to the expectations of work and that i will do something wrong. I worry about having to schedule my whole life around it. I have OCD so i have constantly been worrying over this and trying to come up with solutions even though i dont even have a timetable yet.
I feel so stupid writing this out but i didnt have a great childhood and i feel i never really grew up because of that. I dont know how to socialise or handle adult responsibilities and i have very little faith in my capabilities. I dont know what to so but the worry is driving me crazy and making me feel ill. Please help!
I'm finishing my degree this summer and then will straight away start my first job. I haven't worked before since living with my family means I don't have many expenses. I was happy to get my job but now i'm starting to panic and feel dreadful. I have been studying ecology and my job will be a seasonal field surveyor for an ecological consultancy. It will be really important for me to do this job so i can get a more permanent job down the line in this field im so passionate about. But i'm scared for a few reasons:
1- its my first job
2- i will have to drive myself to the survey sites and possibly stay in a hotel if they are far away. I can drive but get so anxious driving somewhere new especially if the road takes me through an urban area. I think i would also feel very unsettled being in a hotel by myself.
3- my social skills are terrible and i worry i will make a fool out of myself infront of coworkers
4- i have anxiety and being anxious makes me do stupid things sometimes
5- my work load at university has not been very heavy so ive gotten used to having so much free time that i will soon lose.
I have been obsessive over what working will mean to my life. Although i love ecology it makes me panic to think that after this i will spend most of my waking hours doing the same thing for 40 or more years. I worry i will not live up to the expectations of work and that i will do something wrong. I worry about having to schedule my whole life around it. I have OCD so i have constantly been worrying over this and trying to come up with solutions even though i dont even have a timetable yet.
I feel so stupid writing this out but i didnt have a great childhood and i feel i never really grew up because of that. I dont know how to socialise or handle adult responsibilities and i have very little faith in my capabilities. I dont know what to so but the worry is driving me crazy and making me feel ill. Please help!
5
Comments
Firstly, welcome to The Mix!! Great to have you on here and really good to hear from you. Congratulations about the job! You are not stupid at all for writing this out because this is what we are here for.
1- Starting a new job is so daunting anyway because it's a new setting and new people, and you are learning new things, it's change, and good change or bad change it's still anxiety inducing. So be gentle with yourself, especially as this will be your first one. You'll learn so much. Maybe list out the positives on a piece of paper and what originally made you feel happy about it
2- I hear you about staying in a hotel by yourself. Do you have someone you could tell where you are so they know, and keep updating them. Always look at reviews of hotels too and location so nowhere down a dark alley. Would you feel better staying somewhere with lots of people so the place is a little louder? And with driving, you could map out your journey before hand and study the way so that when you come to drive it you feel like you remember certain parts before hand and it's not new
3- It's easy to feel like everyone is watching you when you are new or feeling uncomfortable or socially anxious. Could you write down on some paper maybe what you think could happen in terms of making a fool out of yourself, and then come up with solutions to those scenarios so that you feel more prepared?
4- When the physical symptoms of anxiety come up try to come back to breath through your tummy, or hold your tummy. Would you feel comfortable speaking to your manager about this? If you'd like to share more about how being anxious makes you do stupid things sometimes then we can always try and support you with it - no pressure though! Try to keep posting on here because everyone is super supportive and there is absolutely no judgement on The Mix
5- Hopefully if you enjoy this role, adding more work into your schedule will come naturally. Burnout is a thing though and you don't want to make yourself ill from working too many hours so if it's not tolerable then are you able to find something with less hours? It's also important to separate work life from home life when you are working a lot, so I'll often shower when I get in so I can wash away the day.
Try not to look at it from the perspective that you will be doing the same thing or in the same field for 40+ years, because this can be very daunting. You never have to stay in something you don't like doing and throughout life you will probably have other passions too and want to follow those. In my current job there is someone in his 50's who is on a uni placement, and he used to run his own business but then one day was just like 'I want to be doing this now'. You can stay in the same field but I'm sure there will be different roles within that you can explore. Don't put those pressures on yourself or restrictions because things can change and it's important to do work that makes you happy because it's very easy to fall into jobs that we don't. Also, a degree is totally an adult responsibility!
Sorry if this post is super long and hard to read. I hope some of this has helped you and congratulations on finishing your degree this summer
Take care
I can totally relate to your situation. As someone who is in second year of university I am really worried about by future because I feel like I'm not ready for anything at all. I struggle a lot with anxiety and I too feel like I haven't "grown up" yet (I'm not even going to mention socialising). So I know how stressful and scary it must feel to go out by yourself into a world you are not prepared for.
I don't really have any advice I could give but @RenP has nailed it I think. (Thank you! @RenP )
Congrats on your degree btw! I hope to see you around. Remember if you feel like talking about anything then we will be here. Take care!
Some tips that might help you manage your feelings are taking small but manageable steps one at a time, being prepared for the tasks, and seeking support whenever you need. Remember, it is okay to make mistakes and learn from them. No one is perfect and everyone has to start somewhere. Give yourself time to adjust to your new job and be patient with yourself. Good luck!
It's so great to hear you're feeling better!
It's such a great perspective to see it as an opportunity for growth, and also believing that you are capable of adapting because naturally you will!
I think also acknowledging and accepting your anxieties around starting something new or the prospect of change. I started a new job at the end of January this year, something I have wanted to do for a while, but I have always been in hospitality, for 10 years of my life. Even though I wanted this change and it felt right, I felt so sick on the lead up to it. As soon as I got through my first day, I felt a lot more at ease. However, now, I've been feeling like I'm making mistakes and I'm punishing myself for it, but I'm trying to remember actually I'm still new, and I'm still learning. The first day will always be the worst because you're going into the unknown, and it may take a little while to settle in, but it will slowly start to get more comfortable as you get to know your new surroundings.
The positive thing is that it's allowed you to reflect, that maybe it's not so much the job itself but what you have been through in the last few years and how each new change has been the same. Do you feel like there is something beneath, and even though you are changing surroundings and situations and exterior things, you are carrying this with you? Maybe to embrace this change, you have to work on these things within yourself first? Are you able to share with us how Uni has held you back from healing and why it wasn't what you'd hoped for? No pressure though! Uni isn't for everyone, and people go for different reasons. I know it's sooooo much easier said than done, but try not to compare yourself to others because your personal experience is always going to be different.
It's so great to hear you are thinking of sticking around on these forums
Take care
Thanks for sharing your experience, knowing that you were able to start a new job despite feeling a similar way really helps. I am worried about making mistakes because I always beat myself up over it even though I know that its normal to make mistakes.
As for why I didnt't like uni, its quite a long story. Even though uni has been difficult, I have done a lot of healing while being here, but I still have such a long way to go and its quite exhausting. Throughout all my time at middle school, I was bullied and even ostracised for no reason, just for being myself and being an easy target I guess. It completely destroyed my ability to make friends and to relate to other people, and I developed problems with social anxiety and dissociation. In high school I was no longer bullied, an made a few friends, but soon lost these or was always forgotten about in a group. I would go to school and feel cold all day, no matter the actual temperature, due to lonliness. I felt no joy in life and wished that I would go to sleep and not wake up. I thought the school environment was so overwhelming, the bright lights and noisy, crowded classrooms and halls gave me so much anxiety that I had painful headaches daily. I had no support during this because I didn't realise I was being bullied in middle school and after that I was too 'checked out' to really process what was happening to me. No teachers seem to care. The one time anyone asked if i was ok was when I had my head down on the desk crying but no one looked out for me after that anyway.
University is a lot better because I don't get bullied and I don't have to be there for so long each day. I can go to quiet study areas or just go home. But the classes feel just like school. Crammed, noisy lecture halls. This year I had a module where we had to do a lot of group work and it was then I realised that I was being triggered into my old self. We had to have discussions in a room with so many students, I couldn't hear anything and felt so stressed out, and the people whose group I joined would either ignore me or give me a horrible look when I came over. I would just sit there dissociating and then the phd students would come over and talk to me in a really patronising way about not taking part. It was quite humiliating to be honest.
And because of my previous experinces I didn't make any friends at university. My social anxiety is a lot better but i'm still scared of people my age and dissoicate around them. Its been so long since I made a friend that I don't remember how. In my first year of university someone I talked to a bit asked me if I even had any friends and I felt so ashamed that I just stayed away from people so that wouldnt happen again.
So because of all this i've been in a state of stress and dissociation for about 10 years to varying degrees. Any stressor, however light, sends me into a state of anxiety. I spend most of my time living in my own head and when im around people I withdraw. So i don 't feel fit to work at all, but I have to because I haven't told anyone what i'm going through. I've started opening up a bit to the one friend I have, though. I'm working on managing my stress though things like mindfulness but i know a job will be super stressful and idk if i can handle it. Im trying to spend more time around people because i feel lonely living this way but its been so long that i just feel alien around people. I do a lot of volunteering so that i can be around others. It doesnt feel like enough but im too scared to actually socialise.
First of all, thank you for sharing your feelings with the community, it takes a lot of bravery to open up like that about what you've gone through.
The fact that you're opening yourself up to new experiences such as this new job shows how far you've come since high school. Even though the road ahead might still feel difficult you are actively attempting to get out of your comfort zone and trying very hard to manage your mental health as best as you can. I'm sorry your needs where not properly taken into consideration when you were at school and that social interactions now feel overwhelming.
You're right in saying that new experiences can be terrifying, especially when you have little experience in the work field to begin with. I had to deal with similar things in uni, both when it comes to not having a lot of workload (and therefore being used to having a lot of free time) and not having any social interactions. What i can say is that at least in my case the fear of failing at something that most people seemed to be able to deal with (having a job), while debilitating, ended up subsiding a lot once I finally started working. I realised that the fact that I had so many negative experiences paired with my limited knowledge of what it meant to work a full-time job clouded my judgement and made me expect the worse. Anxiety and fear can make us see things in a negative light and can make us doubt ourselves. However, as you said, this is a completely new environment and there's no reason for it to end up like uni or school.
Here are some resources you might find useful to manage anxiety. You mentioned trying mindfulness so I'm linking some apps and websites with tools that could help make you feel less overwhelmed
There is a free mobile app called Catch It. It aims to help users better understand their moods through use of an ongoing diary and uses CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) techniques to help users manage negative thoughts. You can get it on the App Store (Apple) or Google Play (Android). You can find out more here https://www.liverpool.ac.uk/csd/app-directory/catch-it/
Stress and Anxiety Companion is an NHS-approved mental health app for managing work-related stress and anxiety. The app provides tools, guides and practical exercises built around proven CBT. The app is available to download on both the Apple app store and Google Play.
The organisation Body & Soul are currently running weekly MindSET livestream sessions which are available to any young person in psychological distress. MindSET delivers effective, concrete skills to help young people manage emotional distress, which are also useful for those at risk of self-harm and suicide. Their therapeutic team will help you to reduce and manage emotional distress and prevent harmful behaviours. To register to the live streams head to http://bodyandsoulcharity.org/sharethelove/
Every Mind Matters offers practical help and advice on how to cope with your mental health and looking after yourself. They offer support for anxiety, low mood, stress, sleep as well as advice for parents and carers on how to support your children and self care tips for young people. Their 'Mind Plan' is a function that offers support tailored to you. Their website is https://www.nhs.uk/oneyovoicesu/every-mind-matters/ . They also have a dedicated page, specifically about coronavirus and how to look after your mental wellbeing.
MindShift CBT is a free app designed to help teens and young adults cope with anxiety. Offers strategies and uses CBT techniques to manage worry, panic, conflict, ordinary anxiety, and three specialised categories of anxiety: test anxiety, social anxiety, and perfectionism. It contains relaxation exercises. The app is available for download from Google Play the and Apple app store
I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling better and finding a positive perspective on the job opportunity. It takes courage to confront past challenges, and your willingness to embrace change is inspiring.