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SH Possible relapse

ILoveDinosILoveDinos Posts: 10 Settling in
I feel awful like I need to SH. A close friend died a few months back. And now something else has happened. I’m 2 years clean but I feel as if I will really let myself down if I SH and that the two years will have been for nothing. Can someone give me advice?
JJLemon18Salix_alba_2019Amy22sinead276

Comments

  • SpaceOtterSpaceOtter Community Champion Posts: 701 Part of The Mix Family
    edited February 2023
    Sending lots of hugs @ILoveDinos , im really sorry to hear how about your friend. How are you feeling today?

    We're here to listen if talking about everything helps <3

    Two years is an amazing acomplishment,no matter what happens you should feel really proud of yourself.

    Do you have any hobbies that serve as good distractions? Like doodling, doing puzzles or going for long walks.

    I tend to write everything out,i find it helpful but i know its not for everyone.

    Take care dino, we are always here if you need anything <3
    You're awesome!
    ILoveDinos
  • AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,010 Boards Guru
    edited February 2023
    You've taken a brave step posting here @ILoveDinos and we're really glad you decided to join the community.

    I'm hearing how much you've been through and how intense the urges to self-harm are for you right now. I'm so sorry to hear that you recently lost a close friend, losing someone so close can be one of the hardest things to go through. You mentioned that something else happened recently too, do you feel comfortable sharing more with us about what happened? We're all here to listen <3

    In terms of supporting with self-harm, @SpaceOtter has given some really great tips. What have you found has been helpful for you so far?

    The organisation Mind has a great article with some tips on coping with urges to self-harm.

    There's also a mobile app that called distrACT and gives easy, quick and discreet access to information and advice about self-harm. The content has been created by doctors and experts in self-harming. It's available on both Android and Apple devices. You can find out more over on their website.

    Keep us updated with how you're feeling, we're here for you always <3
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
    ILoveDinos
  • ILoveDinosILoveDinos Posts: 10 Settling in
    @Aife @SpaceOtter Thank you both for replying to me and for the warm welcome. One of my other friend suggested this website so I thought I’d check it out.

    SpaceOtter, I’m not feeling great. It normally hits me at night time. In the day I can pretend that I’m ok since I’m around my family/friends but when everyone’s asleep and I’m awake in my room alone (hence the late night posts), it gets to me. I’ve tried sleeping earlier too but I just can’t. It feels like my head is constantly spinning. My friend died by suicide and although I knew every small thing about her, even her toughest battles, she never told anyone about this. It was a shock that she’d do something like this, but I knew how much she was struggling and I tried to help as much as possible but it feels as if I didn’t do enough. She always said she’d never do it because she had reasons to stay so I didn’t worry. I have tried colouring or writing my feelings down but my mind races and I end up going off on a tangent. I can’t concentrate on anything anymore, whether that’s watching tv or YouTube videos. I feel as if I’m just existing, but not living my life.

    Aife, the other thing that happened was that my mum had lost her job and I’m having to pay for most of the mortgage. Im only on basic wage though while I try to build experience but I’m barely covering my part. My mum is trying to get help for the costs though. It just seems like everything’s happening at once. I like listening to music but sad music makes me worse and I can’t concentrate properly. I end up listening to 2 seconds of a song and then skipping it. Then I get annoyed because all I’m doing is skipping. I will check out the mind website and the app - thank you. I managed to suppress the urge yesterday, which I was proud of myself for, but it keeps coming back stronger. I know how badly I’ll feel if I ruin the 2 years but when I get in that head space it’s like nothing matters anymore and I don’t care. It’s when I’m over that part that I feel the guilt and anger.

    Sorry for the long post
    JJLemon18sinead276
  • sinead276sinead276 Posts: 956 Part of The Mix Family
    @ILoveDinos sorry to hear your going though a tough time at the moment. Hope your feeling better today and if not remember we are all hear for you

    Sending hugs
    Sinead :3
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