i think i’m gay?

Former Member

ever since i was young i’ve never really had a crush on a boy, sure i can appreciate how good they look but they never make me feel anything, all though school my friends would talk about boys in our year and male celebrity crushes and i never had anyone, over the past 2 years since i’ve moved out i’ve realised my whole life i looked at girls, i never really thought much of it just assuming everyone thought girls looked pretty. but since getting away from my dad who i’ve heard be homophobic on a few occasions i’ve been able to realise that i do find them attractive and now i don’t have the pressure of it being wrong. see the thing now is i want to speak to people and i’ve met so many people where it could have gone somewhere but at the same time i have no desire for a relationship or anything else and have been considering if im asexual. i don’t know if it’s a fact that im just scared to take anything further than being friends or what. there’s one girl i’ve met through work recently and we’ve been hitting it off so we’ll and i feel as though it could turn into something but at the same time i don’t want it to because im so scared of intimacy. although i’ve had several drunk conversations about this it’s something i can never bring up when im sober.

anyway im sorry this is such a long rant but any perspective would be useful

M3GANx04

Hi @bluemoon
The great thing about sexuality is that it's so fluid and free. You don't need to define or fully understand it. Love is love. When you feel attracted to someone, focus on the attraction rather than the gender. The more you accept and explore your sexuality, the better you will come to understand it.
The truth is, sexuality is a complex thing. There bisexuals who are attracted to both gender, but get confused by their preference to women/men. There are people who define themselves as just 'gay', as a broad term to describe their identification with the LGBT+ community rather than their distinct attractions. There are people who are sexually attracted to certain genders, but not emotionally. The complexity of sexuality makes is a beautiful and diverse thing which you don't need to fully understand. There are so many different 'terms', but you don't have to adhere to any of them if you don't choose to.
My personal advice is to work on being comfortable with exploring your sexuality, free of potential family biases that may have previously limited this. Comfortability with intimacy is a common issue, but can be overcome with time.
Focus on connection rather than gender, and good luck

Former Member

It is nice that you reach out for support and share your concerns @bluemoon .
Sexuality is a long journal of self-discovery and acceptance. You don’t need to rush it to define who you like or who you are. You can take time to explore which ways you are most comfortable with. It’s good you met someone, you can think of some questions to clear it up a little bit. Why do you think you are scared of intimacy? Is it for yourself or others? It's important to communicate your feelings with the other person and take things at a pace that feels comfortable for you.

For the family, communication can take a long time and efforts, especially they grew up in a different time and have different values with this generation. You will know how to talk to your family and what’s best for you. Everyone's journey towards self-discovery is unique and there is no right or wrong way to identify. It's okay to take your time and explore your feelings without feeling pressure to fit into a specific category or label.