Feeling doubtful and experiencing upsetting memories

Creativeboy23

Hello all.

Today, I have been feeling doubtful about participating in two projects, alongside projects I am working on as part of my degree, eventhough I want to gain experience outside of my course to stand out from the crowd. So, I ended up making up a scenario in my head about staff members telling me not to take on too much stuff, and feeling like that is not valid to gain extra experience.

Memories of sad events have been coming back to me. A Master's student gave me feedback on my design work with my tutor, which felt condescending and like she was satisfying her own ego. So, it has ended up affecting me. This has caused me to make up scenarios such as not looking at her and ignoring her feedback out of anger, and her saying that I was undervaluing myself because I did not include my work, with my tutor agreeing with her. The comment felt like a reflection of who I am as a person. Working on my portfolio triggered this last scenario.

I have been thinking about how an old mentor ignored my email, expressing to him that his comment felt like a reflection of who I am as a person, rather than advice that would be applicable to anyone, and other stuff.

RenP

@Creativeboy23

This student didn't really have a right to give you feedback if you didn't ask for it. I think feedback should always be welcomed when you've asked and when it's constructive i.e you can tell someone is saying it so that your work can be the best it can be for you, and they want the best for you, but you can tell when it comes from a place of ego. Do you think you could tell her how it has affected you so that she knows not to do it again? As she may not know the impact her words have had on you.

When I was in my first year of college my art teacher ripped up my whole double page homework I had done because it was wrong in her eyes, she tore it out the book and put it in the bin. I was always into drawing and I haven't done it since, so for 8 years. I guess maybe try and build the confidence to do the two projects and do them for yourself because you know you can do it if you believe in yourself

I've noticed twice you've used the phrase the comment felt like a reflection of who I am as a person, what does this look like to you?

Terry8936

You've taken a brave step reaching out for support here @Creativeboy23 .
It’s good that you work hard to gain more experiences, as long as you are capable of doing it. It's important to remember that everyone has their own unique journey and pace, and it's okay to take on only as much as you can handle at a given time. Why do you think you make up a scenario and tell yourself off?

It is understandable to feel that way when you hear those feedbacks. It's important to communicate how you feel about the feedback and try to come to a mutual understanding with the person providing it. As for the scenario, you can consider some questions for your reflection. What can you do to change your scenarios? And what will that mean for you in the reality?

Also, it seems like you are bothered by past events. It might be helpful to speak with a trusted friend or family member, or even a mental health professional, to help you process these feelings and develop coping strategies. Remember to take care of yourself and prioritize your well-being. What do you think will be helpful for yourself?

Creativeboy23

Hello @Terry8936.

I am not doubtful about the projects anymore but thanks.

I make up a scenarios about a situation because when they have affected, I always think about giving a different response out of because I didn’t at the time of the event.

I will remember. I always write down how I am feeling and share it on here, CALM, with my mentor and sometimes with Samaritans. I set aside time every week for myself.

Pastoral support team at my university offer support with general worries and anxiety. So, I have asked the team for support. I am just waiting for them to get back to me about what day they can fit me in to see them.

Thanks for your help.

Creativeboy23

Hello @RenP.

You are mistaken. My tutor arranged for her to give me and other my students in my tutorial group feedback on my work. I am going to share how her words made me feel.

Thanks for your support.