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MH Crisis

Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
in Health & Wellbeing
I'm unmedicated again and I feel aweful but I'm NOT going back on them. I've been trying to stay busy because I don't 'want to deal with the embarrassment of having the authorities round or be an inconvenience to people.
You know what BPD logic is? It's overdosing because it gives you an emotional reset but regretting it when you're going through the process of being intoxicated. It's aweful and even worse when you're close to doing serious damage. But imagine how unbearable things have to be for us to resort to this? When shit hits the fan, it REALLY hits the fan and all we want is for the noise in our heads to stop.

I know I need to talk to someone but it's hard for me to take that step. It's easier to ask for help when you've overdosed rather than asking for it before. I don't know how long I've been clean. I would have done it today but I held onto my faith.

I'm clinging onto my marbles here. If I can get through the next 24h then I know that I'll be okay so that's my aim. I'm trying my absolute hardest here. I don't want people think badly of me If I relapse, I promise you I tried.

Comments

  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,577 Part of The Furniture
    edited February 2023
    Nobody relapses by choice @Salix_alba_2019 - the people here know that better than anyone, and they won't feel badly of you if that's the position you find yourself in. 💛

    How is the staying busy tactic working? What have you been up to? :)
    I'm clinging onto my marbles here. If I can get through the next 24h then I know that I'll be okay so that's my aim. I'm trying my absolute hardest here.
    Have you heard of Philosophy Tube? This quote made me think of a cosmonaut metaphor she uses for being in crisis. She talks about going up into space in a rocket feeling really scared (like the very first astronauts), not quite knowing what's going to happen, and knowing the journey back is going to be really scary too, but holding on to the idea that she'll come back to earth if she holds on.

    Also, I can empathise with the 'wanting the noise to stop', though not from a BPD angle. It's quite understandable to want some peace, even if that means contemplating self-destructive urges.
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  • sinead276sinead276 Posts: 1,616 Extreme Poster
    @Salix_alba_2019 I agree with what Mike has said and that no one would think badly of you if you were to relapse as recovery is never a straightforward linear pathway. We all have our wobbles but it’s what we do after that matters.

    Hope your okay and sending you lots of hugs right now
    Sinead <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    @Salix_alba_2019

    ''It's easier to ask for help when you've overdosed rather than asking for it before'' - this resonated with me so much, and it's true. I guess sometimes it can be easier to be seen/heard once you've harmed yourself in some way, rather than having that conversation and opening yourself up to someone before. But I'm sure every single person on the Mix would want you to reach out to us before overdosing. Is there anything we can do to make it easier for you to take that initial step into talking to someone?

    Relapsing is complex and we certainly wouldn't think badly of you.

    Are there any tools you have to get you through the next 24 hours? One moment at a time <3

    Take care xxx
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