Distancing From Reality

JJLemon18

Hello, I hope I'm writing this in the right place. I just want to say how I feel at the moment.

Recently I have been feeling what I can only describe as distancing from reality, a feeling where I keep forgetting what situation I'm in or forgetting what has happened in the recent past. It feels almost as is I'm really tired despite me having a decent amount of sleep.

For example: I wake up, get ready for uni and travel there. As I'm walking to the building something clicks in my brain (not literally) and I get a weird feeling like I can't remember the whole journey there, a feeling like I just woke up in the middle of the campus already dressed for the day. I can't remember myself waking up, I can't remember what shirt I put on, I can't remember eating breakfast, I can't even remember if I washed my teeth (even though I'm aware I've done these things, I just can't picture in my brain it happening).

Same feeling happens during lectures and group meetings, something would suddenly click and I would "wake up", for a brief moment not knowing how I got there. When listening to music, if you stopped me and asked what songs I've listened to, sometimes I could only probably tell you the last 2 and that's it.

As I'm writing this I got a realisation. I always saw myself as a visual learner, I remember everything with "images", whether its people's faces, songs by their official videos or album covers, or even school subjects by their department colours (my school had each department's walls painted in a different colour. For example if you had maths you'd go to the "yellow area" etc). That is why if I meet someone online and I know their name my brain will immediately think they look like the last person I met irl with that name.
And those "images" have started to become really vague recently, almost as if they're becoming more distant.

I'm sorry I'm so horrible at explaining stuff.

Anyone else experience something similar to this?

Past User

I think you explained it well enough, and even if you didn't do a perfect job, you needn't worry since it's probably a very difficult thing to explain. Based on what you said, those sound like problems with short term memory primarily and forming new memories. It's not uncommon for people to forget tasks that are entirely routine, like their commute to school or work for example. I think I have an idea of how those things are for you, based on my own experiences, because I often find myself being forgetful too. I don't have any concrete thoughts on it yet, since I haven't donated enough time to analyse it yet, but I get the impression that it's heavily influenced by mood. It's hard to memorise new things when they don't seem meaningful in any way, and even harder to remember those things without any kind of routine or repetition.

If you're looking for some solutions to try, I think the main thing would be to address the repetition for anything you think is important. Your daily routine isn't exactly a thrilling thing to remember, but you may find those day to day memories improving naturally by addressing the issue elsewhere anyway. My suggestion would be to write down absolutely everything that you find compelling, because you're doing a number of things when you do so. Not only are you addressing repetition when you go through the process of see/hear -> write -> re-read, but you are also combining multiple different types of learning. The ones they teach you about in school y'know - auditory, visual and to some extent kinaesthetic too. Through all of those, if you're mind is engaged, you should naturally be building a visualisation of the information at hand.

I don't think you have too much to worry about, but I can definitely empathise with how irritating it can be. I've been someone with a pretty great memory, and yet I find myself forgetting things I was asked to do 5 minutes ago, and feeling like a dick when I forget conversations. There's probably some relevant advice on grounding techniques and being more present in the moment that would help here, but I'm not particularly literate in that area unfortunately, so hopefully someone else can jump in to share those ideas with you.

I have a few more thoughts on this but I'll leave them for now, don't want to get into mad ramblings just yet. Hope you're well anyways Jakub.

JJLemon18

@Past User Thank you for the reply and advice!
You may be extremely right about the influence of mood. Recently a lot of new problems have entered my life and I've definitely been impacted by them, in general I feel horrible. This definitely seems to have something to do with it.

My memory has never been great, the worst feeling is when I spend a couple minutes compiling a sentence in my brain but when I go to say it I forget half of it, and I'm just standing there mid sentence like err... because I'm forgetting simple words, its so hard especially since english is not my first language. It just makes me want to evaporate on the spot lol.

About the advice, I have a notepad on my phone where I write all important information I must remember, the problem is... I forget to check it... I also often forget to write important stuff down. Which is funny because the notes sit on my home screen I just simply ignore them like they're not there. When I was younger I used to write stuff I need to remember on a piece of paper and stick it to the wall above my bed, it never worked, I'd start to ignore it after a few days.

I don't mind you rambling. It honestly feels nice to hear something more than a one word response, its a nice sign that someone cares.
I realise I may actually be surrounded by too many people that don't care.

Anyways, hope you are well too!

Past User

JJLemon18 wrote: »

My memory has never been great, the worst feeling is when I spend a couple minutes compiling a sentence in my brain but when I go to say it I forget half of it, and I'm just standing there mid sentence like err... because I'm forgetting simple words, its so hard especially since english is not my first language. It just makes me want to evaporate on the spot lol.

English IS my first language and I have this problem all the time. You shouldn't be angry at yourself for it because you're probably doing very well in reality. Speech is different from thought, and while you might be able to perfectly articulate an idea in your head, it becomes a jumbled mess when you try to convey that idea to someone else. Part of that is probably a social anxiety, and part of it is probably the process of altering an individual's thought pattern, to one that can be understood by another individual(s) on the fly. Like with anything else, I assume it gets better with practice... Assume but don't know because I'm terrible at speaking, that's probably why I prefer typing wherever possible. I've actually been thinking of a way to get better at this. I think the next time I'm manic and having a bunch of "AMAZING" thoughts and ideas, I'm going to try speaking them aloud as I have them. As mad as that sounds, hopefully it helps my oratory abilities in general.

JJLemon18 wrote: »

About the advice, I have a notepad on my phone where I write all important information I must remember, the problem is... I forget to check it... I also often forget to write important stuff down. Which is funny because the notes sit on my home screen I just simply ignore them like they're not there. When I was younger I used to write stuff I need to remember on a piece of paper and stick it to the wall above my bed, it never worked, I'd start to ignore it after a few days.

Another thing that gets better with some discipline. Put a reminder somewhere that you can't possibly miss - a place you see during you daily routine perhaps. Set an alarm to check your notes. The aim is to make these things, and self-improvement by extension, a part of your routine as well. As laborious as that sounds...

JJLemon18 wrote: »

I don't mind you rambling. It honestly feels nice to hear something more than a one word response, its a nice sign that someone cares. I realise I may actually be surrounded by too many people that don't care.

I definitely hear you here. While I appreciate the responses, I often find myself not even registering programmed responses such as "likes" or "hugs" in the case of The Mix. They're just too impersonal I feel, and do nothing to ease the burden of feeling alone. Knowing that about myself, and dependant on the post, I always try to think about things and respond with something of value. The conversation really helps me as well so, there's never any need to thank me.

JJLemon18

Past User wrote: »

English IS my first language and I have this problem all the time. You shouldn't be angry at yourself for it because you're probably doing very well in reality. Speech is different from thought, and while you might be able to perfectly articulate an idea in your head, it becomes a jumbled mess when you try to convey that idea to someone else. Part of that is probably a social anxiety, and part of it is probably the process of altering an individual's thought pattern, to one that can be understood by another individual(s) on the fly.

Part of it is definitely social anxiety in my case. I feel conflicted about my english, I lived in this country since I was three years old so I know my language could be a little better, although judging by my lack of social interaction it is reasonable.

Past User wrote: »

Like with anything else, I assume it gets better with practice... Assume but don't know because I'm terrible at speaking, that's probably why I prefer typing wherever possible. I've actually been thinking of a way to get better at this. I think the next time I'm manic and having a bunch of "AMAZING" thoughts and ideas, I'm going to try speaking them aloud as I have them. As mad as that sounds, hopefully it helps my oratory abilities in general.

That sounds exactly like me! I would always prefer typing and I'm terrified of phone calls (probably why I ended up on this site of all places). Every time someone calls me I hang up then quickly send a message saying something like "I don't do calls", unless it's really important then I have no choice. The only person I'm comfortable calling is my mom.

Okay, speaking out loud... ahem... you won't believe me but I literally tried this today
Since I was home alone for a while I tried talking to myself to try and gain some confidence in my voice but it was one of the most awkward things ever, I didn't even muster anything more than a whisper haha.

Past User wrote: »

Another thing that gets better with some discipline. Put a reminder somewhere that you can't possibly miss - a place you see during you daily routine perhaps. Set an alarm to check your notes. The aim is to make these things, and self-improvement by extension, a part of your routine as well. As laborious as that sounds...

I'm sorry but from experience alarms don't work on me either. All they do is piss me off before I quickly discard it and forget why I set it up in the first place. And no, its not as bad as I make it seem, the notes and alarms do sometimes work. They simply lose their value over time for me. A one-off alarm will definitely do it's job.

Past User wrote: »

I definitely hear you here. While I appreciate the responses, I often find myself not even registering programmed responses such as "likes" or "hugs" in the case of The Mix. They're just too impersonal I feel, and do nothing to ease the burden of feeling alone. Knowing that about myself, and dependant on the post, I always try to think about things and respond with something of value. The conversation really helps me as well so, there's never any need to thank me.

I'm sorry. I'm just saying how I feel, I hope you don't mind. And I can definitely relate, hearing someone say "remember, you're not alone" doesn't resonate with me. I'm like jeez I know I'm lonely, this isn't helping. But I guess its better than not hearing anything at all.

I'm glad you too find the conversations helpful. It seems like you just need someone to talk to. (Yes, I am aware this sounds super cliché and that's about as helpful as I usually get, sorry )


Btw, you won't believe how long it took me to write all of this, that is another reason I prefer typing, I can take as much time as I need to make my words understandable, something that doesn't happen irl.

Past User

I don't mind at all, that's what the boards are here for. I get it, writing is amazing because you can control the message you put across and the image you present to others. Sometimes that can be a detriment though, if you end up being dishonest in order to protect yourself. That's a problem I'm trying to address at the moment, since not showing people what you're really like seems to be one of the root causes of loneliness.

JJLemon18

Well, I'm not lying in any way. I'm just trying to explain myself in a way that someone can understand without the need to re-read my ten paragraphs 1000 times.
But that is very wise and very true, and I definitely agree with you. (wait, that rhymes lol, I'm leaving this as it is haha)

But damn, at this point I feel like you know more about me than I know about myself

Past User

I thought I might've been projecting a little bit there but I decided to go with it anyway. Lies by omission still constitute dishonesty, and that's definitely something I'm guilty of when discussing my problems. I'm trying to work on it aha.

Well, that isn't true, but we do seem to have some things in common. I've had a long time to think about these things, and I'm glad the things I'm saying resonate with you somewhat. It's nice to be understood, especially when it doesn't happen often. I saw you ask a question on another post, wondering how you can understand others if you don't understand yourself? The truth is that understanding yourself is the difficult part, and understanding others is trivial by comparison. But understanding and helping others will start to help you understand yourself. Everything relating to yourself is always so tied up in perception, experience and emotion, not to mention that over time your views can become warped without any sort of dialogue. With others though, you can empathise while still remaining objective and rational. Emotion by definition is irrational and subjective so it's hard, but when you start to take that rational and objective view of your own problems, things start to get easier to understand, communicate and address.

JJLemon18

I think I roughly get what you're saying but I might need a break from all these big words. I'm gonna be honest your language is incredible and reaching a point where my smooth brain can barely grasp the meaning behind what you're saying.
I'm really sorry I'm just not the best at understanding words at times because of... well, my language and the inexperience of talking to people.

Regardless, I think this is super fascinating and I will for sure read this again tomorrow. For you see, I couldn't sleep today so maybe I'll understand more once I'm more awake.

In the meantime, feel free to ignore me and keep sending your insights. I will definitely read everything

Past User

You're doing great Jakub. Everything you've said has been perfectly articulate and understandable, especially since you're describing some really complex things. I'm sorry though, I get carried away sometimes aha. Hope you manage to get some better sleep today! ^^

JJLemon18

Thank you, I'm glad to hear! I make sure to use the words I'm familiar with, sometimes even changing the whole sentence just so I can make it understandable. But you're right, maybe I need to just let my tongue out and say everything I feel without worrying if it makes sense or if its articulate. However, I remember the last time I have tried that, I may have accidentally made a few people sad without knowing it might sound offensive to them. So I might actually stick to overthinking everything haha

And don't be sorry, I never said there is anything wrong about what you wrote, quite the opposite in fact, I'm impressed how effectively you can convey such a complex topic. Almost everything you said I think to myself "wow, that is probably the best response I could have gotten", it even makes me question my own language.
That's just how you are, you have no right to be sorry about that

Also about the "not showing people what you're really like" topic from earlier. I just wanted to add, this is probably the most I ever opened to anyone so I am absolutely fine about hiding just this little aspect of it. It feels kinda good tbh. I may have found the right place.

JJLemon18

I'm a person who hides a lot about myself, my thoughts, my emotions and so on. I do that through the fear of being judged and I can't help it.

I rarely have a chance to talk deeply with anyone but sometimes when I have the occasion I will often get lost with my words and end up saying way too much and sometimes ever regretting some of the things I said.

This may have been the case here yesterday. And although there isn't anything I really regret saying, I do have that feeling like I've said too much. It almost feels uncomfortable.

I just thought I would add this here since that is just how I feel right now.

Past User

I understand Jakub. You don't need to feel uncomfortable because you didn't say too much, though I do get why you feel that way. I'm not sure if this will chime with you, but I think the regret we feel after opening up and having a genuine conversation is in part self-destructive behaviour. Like we can't allow ourselves to think things could be better:
"I must've said too much..."
"I've probably put them off talking to me..."
"I shouldn't bother them anymore..."

Share what YOU feel comfortable sharing, but don't worry about us, because this is your post and that's what it's here for, and it's what we're here for too. I'm glad that you feel like you've found the right place.

JJLemon18

@Past User yea, it's not that bad since I know this is a place I won't get judged (I hope). But the feeling is still stuck in my head.

Thank you. Its very nice to know there is someone who understands and experiences these things too, although its not nice that its happening in the first place but you know what I mean.

It was nice talking with you. See you around!