Struggling with identity and I think i might have a personality disorder :/

Amy22

Hi, I'm probably wasting your time with my thoughts but tonight I don't know I felt anxious again and I dont normally feel that way you know. I have been getting better over time (I guess cause the meds worked I guess) but I struggle mostly with my identity. Often I am hard on myself. I will agree. I tend to not allow myself to like things other people like. For example, because I saw a playlist on Spotify I liked, I liked it and removed it because I can't be like other people. I think maybe I'm trying too hard to differationate myself to others, in way islolating myself. I know people can like what other people like but I dont know with me it feels different you know. I also feel like sometimes I'm not me at all, like when I see my friends and I think they are lovely. For some reason my brain comes up with an intrusive thought and tells me that they aren't, It likes theres someone else in me you know. I think it might have something to do with my ADHD to be honest as I know that can happen. I need to find ways of being less hard on myself so I can enjoy life really. Maybe its the fact I force myself to different so I can be unique and original eventhough I feel fake on the inside.

Sorry for wasting your time with these thoughts, there are more people who probably need it more than me to be honest.

Amy22

Just double checked that I removed the song on my spotify. I dont want this double checking thing to come back oh god. I found out that my favourite band likes the same songs as me which is nice I guess.

Former Member

Hi @amy22

It seems like you’re going through quite a confusing and challenging time right now. Please do not worry that you are wasting our time, we are here by your side to work through this together. You are deserving of support and care.

It’s understandable that you wish to be somewhat unique, we all desire for this to some extent. It seems that you’ve been able to reflect upon this and come to a very insightful conclusion that your drive to be unique has left you to feel inauthentic or incongruent with your true self. This can feel quite unsettling, it makes sense that you’re finding this hard. May I ask what it would mean for you if you did have the same interests as others and why this is challenging? Perhaps understanding this can help you to understand how you may align yourself more closely with who you are. You have great worth regardless of whether your interests are rarely seen in others.

Take care.

Amy22

el_rose0110 wrote: »

Hi @amy22

It seems like you’re going through quite a confusing and challenging time right now. Please do not worry that you are wasting our time, we are here by your side to work through this together. You are deserving of support and care.

It’s understandable that you wish to be somewhat unique, we all desire for this to some extent. It seems that you’ve been able to reflect upon this and come to a very insightful conclusion that your drive to be unique has left you to feel inauthentic or incongruent with your true self. This can feel quite unsettling, it makes sense that you’re finding this hard. May I ask what it would mean for you if you did have the same interests as others and why this is challenging? Perhaps understanding this can help you to understand how you may align yourself more closely with who you are. You have great worth regardless of whether your interests are rarely seen in others.

Take care.

Thank you so much @el_rose0110 sometimes I just have my silly moments. I don't know I think because I self identify as neurodiverse I often think deeply about things a lot and put effort into this more than I need to. I guess I always struggled with my being my most unique or authentic self I guess. But thank you so much for your help I really appreciate it.

TheNightmare

Amy22 wrote: »

Hi, I'm probably wasting your time with my thoughts but tonight I don't know I felt anxious again and I dont normally feel that way you know. I have been getting better over time (I guess cause the meds worked I guess) but I struggle mostly with my identity. Often I am hard on myself. I will agree. I tend to not allow myself to like things other people like. For example, because I saw a playlist on Spotify I liked, I liked it and removed it because I can't be like other people. I think maybe I'm trying too hard to differationate myself to others, in way islolating myself. I know people can like what other people like but I dont know with me it feels different you know. I also feel like sometimes I'm not me at all, like when I see my friends and I think they are lovely. For some reason my brain comes up with an intrusive thought and tells me that they aren't, It likes theres someone else in me you know. I think it might have something to do with my ADHD to be honest as I know that can happen. I need to find ways of being less hard on myself so I can enjoy life really. Maybe its the fact I force myself to different so I can be unique and original eventhough I feel fake on the inside.

Sorry for wasting your time with these thoughts, there are more people who probably need it more than me to be honest.

Hey @Amy22
I hope you're OK. Do you have any close family members or friends or anyone you can trust to talk to about you're feelings? Maybe if you do speak to them, it takes a bit of courage. I'm similar to this, I overthink certain things which sometimes affects me a lot and it sucks. It takes a lot of courage sometimes but maybe you could go to the gp about this too. This community is here for you regardless though.

Also don't worry about wasting people's time, you aren't wasting anyone's time in way.

Amy22

FordRanger wrote: »

Amy22 wrote: »

Hi, I'm probably wasting your time with my thoughts but tonight I don't know I felt anxious again and I dont normally feel that way you know. I have been getting better over time (I guess cause the meds worked I guess) but I struggle mostly with my identity. Often I am hard on myself. I will agree. I tend to not allow myself to like things other people like. For example, because I saw a playlist on Spotify I liked, I liked it and removed it because I can't be like other people. I think maybe I'm trying too hard to differationate myself to others, in way islolating myself. I know people can like what other people like but I dont know with me it feels different you know. I also feel like sometimes I'm not me at all, like when I see my friends and I think they are lovely. For some reason my brain comes up with an intrusive thought and tells me that they aren't, It likes theres someone else in me you know. I think it might have something to do with my ADHD to be honest as I know that can happen. I need to find ways of being less hard on myself so I can enjoy life really. Maybe its the fact I force myself to different so I can be unique and original eventhough I feel fake on the inside.

Sorry for wasting your time with these thoughts, there are more people who probably need it more than me to be honest.

Hey @Amy22
I hope you're OK. Do you have any close family members or friends or anyone you can trust to talk to about you're feelings? Maybe if you do speak to them, it takes a bit of courage. I'm similar to this, I overthink certain things which sometimes affects me a lot and it sucks. It takes a lot of courage sometimes but maybe you could go to the gp about this too. This community is here for you regardless though.

Also don't worry about wasting people's time, you aren't wasting anyone's time in way.

Thank you @FordRanger