Ive never been in a relationship

Former Member

Its so scary for me at the minute as I'm currently 25 and I've never been in a relationship before. I feel so lonely at times and i feel like I'm not liked as I've tried so many things so as dating apps and such and i just feel that I'm going to be alone forever. I have been having issues with my mental health, such as anxiety and depression, and I feel like its getting in my way.
If i do find a partner, I'm going to feel so anxious as I'm not sure what to do in a relationship or if it gets intimidate, Im going to feel embarrassed that I've never had sex before. It feels like its never going to happen as i don't drink or smoke but also listen to rock/metal music which i find that a lot of people are not interested in. People these days expect to go clubbing or going to parties but that's not me and i find it very difficult to find someone who has similar interests to me especially when im socially awkward in large groups of people.
Im probably only doing this post just to hear some thoughts and admit that im struggling and i feel that ive been pressured by time.
Thanks for reading this!

Former Member

Hey, @Tclayton it's good that you feel comfortable talking about this, as it sounds like you're having a tough time recently.

I understand that there are societal pressures surrounding age, however, 25 is young and it's pretty normal to have not been in a relationship yet. You mentioned that you feel lonely at times, so I was wondering if you had friends or family that you can talk to or spend time with? This may help during those times when you start to feel lonely.

You also mentioned that you're embarrassed as you haven't had sex before, and I want to reassure you that many people won't have had sex by 25. Don't feel like you need to disclose your sexual status if you do meet someone, but if you do, likely, they won't be fazed about this at all.

Thank you again for reaching out, you should be really proud of yourself. Please keep talking to us about how you're feeling

sinead276

Hi @Tclayton, just want to echo what the above message says and remind you that whilst society and everyone has these ideas about when we should have been in relationships and had sex etc., it's often the case that there is so much variation between people and that's okay. More people than you probably would think are currently in a similar position to yourself in never having a relationship and having had sex. And because of these societal pressures, we often start to think it's a major deal if we haven't been in relationships. As cliche as it sounds, when the time is right, you will meet someone for you and they won't care how experienced/inexperienced you are in the dating world.

So although easier said than done, try not to put too much pressure on yourself about it as the right person for you will come along when they do. Also please do keep talking about how you feel as it's so important and people on here will try and support you best we can.

Sending lots of hugs.
Sinead

Amy22

Tclayton wrote: »

Its so scary for me at the minute as I'm currently 25 and I've never been in a relationship before. I feel so lonely at times and i feel like I'm not liked as I've tried so many things so as dating apps and such and i just feel that I'm going to be alone forever. I have been having issues with my mental health, such as anxiety and depression, and I feel like its getting in my way.
If i do find a partner, I'm going to feel so anxious as I'm not sure what to do in a relationship or if it gets intimidate, Im going to feel embarrassed that I've never had sex before. It feels like its never going to happen as i don't drink or smoke but also listen to rock/metal music which i find that a lot of people are not interested in. People these days expect to go clubbing or going to parties but that's not me and i find it very difficult to find someone who has similar interests to me especially when im socially awkward in large groups of people.
Im probably only doing this post just to hear some thoughts and admit that im struggling and i feel that ive been pressured by time.
Thanks for reading this!

Hi I totally felt like in a similar position as I often found it hard starting a relationship as I too was never the one for big parties or going out to bars. It can be quite scary at first, however a relationship is all about learning about each others interests and what you love the most. I happened to find my boyfriend by chance at a local Dungeons and Dragons club. I felt like if i went to a club, I might find someone with similar interests.

I'd say that maybe joining a club that you have a particular interest for could spark something for you maybe. I also get and understand the pressure of being in a relationship as it kinda feels like we are on our own and everyone all got partners. But love will come when you feel ready for it. I am always here if you do want to talk more about relationships in general.

Sending hugs,

Amy22

Former Member

Totally agree with what everyone has said. It may be worth seeing if there are any local groups that you might be interested in joining, or seeing if there are any community groups online that are into the same bands you are. Don't stress about what impression society gives, I'm sure you'll find someone when you're ready and they will love you for who you are.

Former Member

Hi @Tclayton I agree with the posts above. You're not alone as many people (much more than you think) are in the same position as you. You're only 25 and still young and even if you were older you shouldn't feel pressurised or believe that you're abnormal just because of societal expectations or what other people your age are doing. Everyone is different and we all have different life experiences, that's what makes us unique. Give your self some time. Join groups, do more activities, go out more, make new friends, give yourself opportunities to meet new people. You'll meet someone eventually

Former Member

thank you guys for the advice. Its just that its hard for me to make friends as I've haven't had any in the past so i feel like im constantly alone. Or if i did have friends, it seems like I've pushed them away as I've had bad experiences with other people before. In terms of joining a club, i dont think that there is anything around my area where i can meet new people or im not looking in the right places. It feels like im just stuck.

ChrisM

HI @Tclayton, there is some great advice here.

My take-away is patience. It takes many people a long time to find friends and a partner but it will happen. You mentioned that you felt that you can push people away. It is always worth remembering that just because something did not work out for us in the past, it doesn't mean it won't in the future.

If there are not many clubs in your area, have you thought about volunteering? It can be a great way to meet new people as well as make a difference in your community.

There are some resources on loneliness and how to deal with it on our Loneliness hub here:
https://www.themix.org.uk/loneliness-support
And links to resources on volunteering here:
https://www.gov.uk/government/get-involved/take-part/volunteer

Hope this helps.

Distraction

Hey @Tclayton,

you aren't alone, I'm 25 in a couple days and I haven't been in a relationship or anything like that, I wanted to stress how important it is to also wait, don't go rushing into anything because u feel that u have to, whether thats because of ur age, pressure or anything.

I met people from tinder on a few different occasions, I thought I should have had sex by now so just do it with them, I was so lucky I didn't meet anyone dodgy, I was clearly uncomfortable with it, even though I tried to act all cool but they were nice and it didn't go any further and I'm really happy it didn't, honestly age doesn't matter, I'm really awkward as well and telling the person I finally end up with about my situation is definitely daunting but sex isn't everything when u meet someone, it'll be alright, trust me