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Do I have to be alive for christmas?

Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
The user and all related content has been deleted.

Comments

  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 5,014 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 2024
    Past User wrote: »
    I dont want to be here for christmas, I never even planned to be. My plan was just to end it before December. :s sorry

    I hear that you feel like you don't want to be here for Christmas and that you were struggling a lot. I know that you have been dealing with a lot at the moment and that itself can make anyone feel like ending it. You don't have to apologise for these feelings at all, they are completely valid. If you do feel like you are still struggling with your feeling especially with suicidal thoughts, don't hesitate to reach out to the crisis helpline on here. There is also a 1 to 1 chat online too that is also dedicated to this.

    I know I may not be able to completely help your situation or make it better somehow, but I would say try to find something that keeps you going everyday even on the days that are tough. I know there will be days when it will be tough and the feeling of wanting to end it all can have its toll. Believe me I know that feeling too sometimes. But there is a reason to keep going. A reason to keep living. Everyone has a purpose in this life. Just wanted to also ask if you don't mind, do you feel safe at the moment?.

    Sending hugs,

    Amy22 ♥
    Post edited by TheMix on
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
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  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 5,014 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 2024
    Past User wrote: »
    @Amy22 yh I guess, I'm safe sadly

    At least the main thing is that you are safe. But please don't hesitate to reach out if you feel like you are in a crisis.
    Post edited by TheMix on
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
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  • JustVJustV Inactive Posts: 5,640 Part of The Furniture
    Really echo everything @Amy22 has said here. :) And for what it's worth I'm really glad you're still here - the world would have a bit less kindness and awesomeness if you weren't.

    Do you mind if I ask, is there anything particularly tough or significant for you about Christmas? Or was it more coincidence that you wanted to end your life before then?
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
    I no longer work at The Mix! If you need anything, message or tag @TheMix
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  • JustVJustV Inactive Posts: 5,640 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 2024
    That's okay @Past User, thank you for being mindful of the guidelines. :) And not at all - it's a genuine pleasure to chat to everyone here, even folks who are finding things really tough.
    Past User wrote: »
    Yeah 4 years ago a friend killed herself on Christmas and I found out on new years eve.
    Eesh. :( That's so rough. Makes total sense why that would make Christmas traumatic. Who was she to you? How did you know her? If you don't mind me asking.
    Post edited by TheMix on
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
    I no longer work at The Mix! If you need anything, message or tag @TheMix
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  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 5,014 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 2024
    Hi @Past User I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your best friend. I can imagine how traumatising that must be for you to lose someone close to you.
    Post edited by TheMix on
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
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  • JustVJustV Inactive Posts: 5,640 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 2024
    That sucks, I'm so sorry Morgan (for whatever that's worth). :( I don't know if people ever get over losing someone close - much less a best friend - to suicide.

    I know you said there were some things you couldn't say due to the guidelines, but I get the sense you blame yourself a bit for this, or that you're carrying this around:
    Past User wrote: »
    She killed herself because she saved me from something really really bad
    If you want to share what the 'worst part' is in a way that doesn't break the guidelines, feel free to, or you can drop @TheMix a PM to find a version that's okay to post. :)
    Post edited by TheMix on
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
    I no longer work at The Mix! If you need anything, message or tag @TheMix
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  • JustVJustV Inactive Posts: 5,640 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 2024
    You can share it here @Past User and we can delete or edit it if we need to. :) Using a spoiler is defo a good idea though just in case - good thinking!
    Post edited by TheMix on
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
    I no longer work at The Mix! If you need anything, message or tag @TheMix
  • edited December 2022
    This content has been removed.
  • JustVJustV Inactive Posts: 5,640 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 2024
    Oh what an ordeal @Past User. :( That's a huge thing to go through (for both of you) and I can understand why that experience would make you feel a bit responsible. I'm not sure if you've heard this term, but I wonder if you're feeling a bit of survivor's guilt?

    I also want to gently challenge the idea that your friend's death was your fault. Nobody but the attacker is responsible for what happened to you both. Nobody made him assault you - that was his decision and the results of that decision are his to own. Likewise, if your friend choose to intervene and something happened as a result of that, that's on him - not you.

    Maybe it's worth zooming out a bit, as well. When someone ends their life, it tends not to be because of one single thing. I know you said yourself that she was in an abusive household, and there was probably a lot more under the surface that nobody saw or understood.

    Grief demands an answer, because it's easier for us to process and understand if there's a simple explanation. When you mix in some of that survivor's guilt, it becomes easy to blame yourself and point to one event that seems to explain why your friend ended her life.

    The truth is always more complex. People's lives are complicated and suicide is complicated, and the truth is no single person is responsible. Even with the best will in the world, you weren't in control your friend and you weren't responsible for her actions. She was a person making her own choices, though I know that's difficult to think about when this choice hurts so much.

    I feel like I rambled a bit here, but I wanted to respond to your post in full because it must have taken a lot to share it, and because you deserve support. :)

    On a related note: is there anything you like to do on Christmas or New Year's Eve to remember your friend? Or anything that brings you comfort during that time?
    Post edited by TheMix on
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
    I no longer work at The Mix! If you need anything, message or tag @TheMix
  • This content has been removed.
  • JustVJustV Inactive Posts: 5,640 Part of The Furniture
    edited September 2024
    @Past User this page has a good summary, I'll quote relevant bits below:
    Survivors guilt is a particular kind of guilt that develops in people who have survived a life-threatening situation. Some survivors feel guilty that they survived when others died. Others believe they could have done more to save the lives of others. And then there are those who feel guilty that another person died saving them.

    Regret, Rumination, and Hindsight Bias

    Following a trauma, people may also experience feelings of regret. They may ruminate over the events that took place and think about things they could have or should have done that (they think) would have altered the outcome. This rehashing of the events can further exacerbate feelings of guilt, particularly if people feel that their own actions (or inactions) may have worsened the consequences.

    In many cases, this rumination is influenced by what is known as the hindsight bias. People look back and overestimate their ability to have known the outcome of an event. Because they feel like they should have predicted what happened, people may become convinced that they should also have been able to change the outcome.
    More basically: if you go through a traumatic situation with another person and what happens to them is worse than what happened to you, it can make you feel guilty for 'surviving' it when they didn't. I'm not sure if this 100% fits how you feel but it sprung to mind reading your story.
    Post edited by TheMix on
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
    I no longer work at The Mix! If you need anything, message or tag @TheMix
  • This content has been removed.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
    edited December 2022
    Never thought of [removed by moderator] as much I'm thinking these days, waiting for Christmas to kill my loneliness and bad health.
    Post edited by Former Member on
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Community Manager Posts: 319 The Mix Regular
    edited December 2022
    Never thought of jumping from the 8th floor as much I'm thinking these days, waiting for Christmas to kill my loneliness and bad health.
    Hy hey hey @healthbuffing,

    It's good to have you here with us, and you've done a brave thing by sharing how you feel at the moment. It sounds as though things are difficult for you right now.

    The festive period is one of mixed emotions for lots of people, and that's totally okay. Would you like to share a little bit more about what's been going on for you and what's making you feel this way, if it's something that you can put your finger on? You've mentioned that you're feeling lonely and struggling with your health in your message. If you'd like to talk about that some more then we're all here for you.

    Feel free to either respond to the comment within this thread or, if you'd rather, you could create a thread of your own in this forum to post about these things. Totally your call, but I just wanted to make sure that you knew the option was there!

    Lastly, just a little side note to say that you might notice that I've removed a couple of words from your post. It's absolutely okay to talk to us about thoughts of taking your own life, but we encourage people to try to avoid sharing specific details where they can, just to make sure that other people here don't feel worried or triggered. I hope that makes sense, but let me know if not and I can try to explain in a different way :)

    Take care :)
    Harry
    Post edited by Former Member on
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