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Feeling triggered and overwhelmed by my kind team leader

gillgill Posts: 6 Confirmed not a robot
edited December 2022 in Work & Volunteering
hi, this is my first time posting here.

I wanted to get some advice on feeling triggered, frustrated and angry with my boss (team leader) at work.

Im interning at a charity right now, and the people there are all very kind.

Im working as a intern part time, creating events for charity goers, and it takes a lot of prepping to get these events going.

I work in a team with my team leader, another girl and myself (2 of us are interns)- the three of us, and i have trouble dealing with my team leader.
I feel confused because she is very kind hearted but, unintentionally - what she does exhausts, frustrates and triggers me a lot. and its confusing because I'm usually a very chill person.

the things she does that triggers me:

- she gives un-asked for advice
(we will ask eachother how our weekend was, if i say anything negative like I ate too much celebrations (as a joke), she will go on and on about im lacking this vitamin or not as she's a homeopath)

- She makes everything "her" story
(if i talk about any slightest struggle (small talk), she will go off talking about when something like ithat happened to her - and how she felt about it, when i thought i was being listened to/ just talking about my experience).

- she has no boundaries of work
Even on our off sick, days off, she will call and text us to do some work, we have to sit and have a meeting etc. During our break time she will keep talking about work non stop. (i will set my boundaries telling her im too sick to work, but she will ask the other intern to sit in - even though she was sick too, constantly text us on our days off to "just check over something (PS. this wouldnt happen if there was a plan) etc)

- She is a confident scatter brain who does not plan
Her personal life seems stressful and scattered and i dont know if its reflected in her work, but she shoots ideas after the next with no plan in hand. at one moment talking about one thing, nest something completely different. And she gets frustrated when i dont pick her thoughts up.
I feel like i have to constantly pick up her mess, and do more than 2 people's worth of work.
She is also weirdly confident/stubborn, and does not retreat from her ideas, and wants it done no matter what. The problem is if i wasnt there to do the leg work; organising and planing, it simply wont happen, so i feel cornered to have to pick up her mess.

- she talks before she thinks and drags everyone in to it
whether its she wants pizza for lunch, i need to do this that, she reacts on the thought as it comes up and gets everyone around her have to be involved in her discussion (she is also constantly pacing around the office like a mosquito "seeing what im doing and saying why am i doing that" or walking around talking about the things she sees in the room). She will ask them to discuss these random thoughts of hers as it shoots through her head, talk about how to get it done, what should she do etc. it gets frustrating and tiring when youre constantly dragged on to "whatever and however her mind flows")

- She is fast to shut down ideas other than hers
Idk how but shes very confident with her ideas, but if i suggest any ideas, it gets shut down very quickly. Its frustrating because I try my best to get her ideas to life by supporting her, but if its anything that doesnt align to her wants and ideas, she becomes really stubborn and difficult and shuts the ideas down without any acknowledgement.

- We will have talks with supervisors or expert but she talks like a machine gun not letting any one else have a say or talk
Again, its about her story, and how passionate she is about a topic, and neither myself or the other intern get a chance to talk about ourselves, and or our ideas.
She is completely unaware she does this, as shes only talking about what comes in her head/passionate about (the scatterbrain), She forgets everyone else also wants to have a say in things.

Im at a point where I get so frustrated, internally boiling inside myself, or turning off completely - becoming like a zombie (genuinely) body drooped down, and im unable to sit upright and fake listening smiling or anything.

Im constantly battling with my emotions that are brought up by her, and I can't focus on doing proper work I want to do.

She is in her 50s, and Im here to work and learn. But i feel like im childminding an incredibly big and difficult child, who is way too confident and stubborn (unlike a kid youre babysitting and you have some kind of authority over them cos theyre young).

I have talked to her about it - that shes stressing me out because of her dis-organisation, but she has not changed. I have also talked to my other intern about how im feeling stressed over by her, and she has told me older people like to repeat what they say and my perfectionism can be holding me back.

I have not talked to our supervisor, because i also have massive doubts that i might be doing something wrong myself, and i also dont want to be shut down by them - being told im being too sensitive etc.

But I am struggling a lot, with her mess.

and it's difficult because she is not aware of it herself.(like i said, she is weirdly confident in herself.)

When i do talk to her, i fear I would talk to her angrily, because I'm getting so frustrated with her, I fear it will come out angrily and mean.

I need advice, and i want to know why Im feeling so frustrated.

its isolating and frustrating... I dont have anyone else to talk to about it.

Post edited by TheMix on


  • gillgill Posts: 6 Confirmed not a robot
    Hi how can i delete this because its in the wrong catergory, I want to post in "working life" and not in helpdesk.
  • genderless_fungigenderless_fungi Moderator Posts: 156 Helping Hand
    hello @gill,

    I'm hearing that you're finding your internship very frustrating. First off, I want to assure you that no one should ever have the right to make you feel uncomfortable, especially in the work place. It sounds like you do have legitimate concerns about your team leader's behaviour, both in terms of her conduct towards colleagues and how she organises her work.

    I think that talking to her supervisor would be a good idea, it sounds like this situation is taking a big toll on your mental health and your ability to work there, as well as your ability to contribute with new ideas. It seems like you're afraid your supervisor might shut your concerns down as well and, while that is a possibility, it's also possible that he'll take your report seriously and help improve the situation. As an alternative, is there anyone else at work you could talk to about this situation? Does the other intern share your concerns as well?
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