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This guy I knew at school (TW)
Former Member
Posts: 375 Listening Ear
TW: Rape, sexist behaviour, mental illness, mentions of suicidal thoughts
I wanna clarify that this didn't happen to me. Also, apologies for how long this is.
So this was a guy I used to be friends with. We used to have a laugh and mess around in class a lot and at one point, I considered him a "close friend". I thought he was funny, although his sense of humour was overly offensive at times. He had a pretty shit home life (and a young carer) and definitely wasn't feeling the best mentally and had anger issues. I was never afraid of him, but he did look quite scary when he was mad. He also had a reputation for lying (sometimes it's really obvious too) and can act like a smart arse.
I guess warning signs (I mean larger ones) were back in either Year 10 or 11. He started dating girls that I didn't know as they weren't from my school and during those times, he would act all giddy and cheerful and act like the girls were the best thing ever and it's like he shaped how he acts based on the girls he was with. And then they would break up after a short while and talk about how they are bitches and how awful they were. It's possible that some of them cheated because I remember him mentioning that happened to them, but of course I can't say for sure. He acted like all the girls he dated were bitches and honestly, it's hard to believe it's all of them. Maybe it's possible he ends up being attracted to girls with the same traits, and maybe he does but not for the reasons above. It's like he's reliant on being with somebody.
When we were done with school, we haven't seen each other in person until around 6 months ago once I believe. So before that, around 2 years. We text a couple times before that though. I only saw him because he asked to meet up with my friend who he had a "crush" on and she asked if I can come and also, I didn't want her to be alone with him since I knew it would've been awkward for her but we didn't feel unsafe then. I don't think he would've done anything physically even now. Another friend tagged a long too. He did ask her out before and acted like being friends was just fine (even act happy) and would bomb her with compliments and kept complimenting her even afterwards, the sort of compliments that normal friends don't gush on about constantly. He put on this "wholesome personality" that didn't sound like him. I know people changed but it wasn't natural, it was like he was matching my friend. This was also after he broke up with a girl he was engaged with. He also vented to my friend constantly, through text and on the phone. He never really vented to me but he had talked to me about some sad stuff before and some were likely true.
I don't really know the timeline, but my friend mentioned how he had a false allegation and got jailed for a bit from the girl he was engaged with for rape. We both believed it at the time, didn't give much thought except feel bad for him really. My friend actually does know the girl since they were friends back in Year 7 and described her as childlike, sweet, clingy and likely had some sort of learning difficulty. My friend actually seen her a couple of times at her workplace as well. The girl mentioned what happened with the guy and that he raped her and that his defence was "it's not possible to actually be asleep during the day". The worst thing is, I can imagine him saying that way too easily. It's just the sort of thing he would say. This sort of smart arse response that seems hard to make up. It sounds like him. I guess the only thing that can make you not believe her might be how easily she mentioned it but she also sounds like the sort of person to over share, especially since she used to be quite clingy towards my friend.
Me and my friend hung out today and actually bumped into that girl and her current boyfriend and my friend is right, she seems and sounds very childlike in a very shy sort of way as well. She has this sort of innocence you can't fake. I look back on the girls he dated back in school and they were girls who were vulnerable, some were suicidal and I think I remember one having an eating disorder and another (though could be remembering wrong) with schizophrenia. And after breaking up, they were suddenly awful people who broke his heart and this hasn't changed. My friend followed him on social media and he used to delete everything, only post stuff with his girlfriends and once they break up, delete and post deep edgy things and talk about how bad things are. With that and his tendency to lie, what his defence may have been that sounded too much like him, how clingy he acted towards my friend, how much he's vent to her and compliment her. She felt uncomfortable with it at the time and I told her to tell him that and I think he did for a bit but not really. We think he may have actually did it. It's scary to think that someone who could possibly be a rapist had a crush on my friend. She blocked him on everything today but she may have missed one so when he asked, she blocked him on that too and then he called her with no caller ID (which she didn't answer). He text me later today asking what's going on and I just said I don't know even though I encouraged her to block him and delete his number. I thought I blocked him a while back but I think that was only on WhatsApp and I didn't wanna make things suspicious by not replying. He wanted me to ask what's up but I said not today as she's busy (which is true). It's scary to think that he may have done that and he text me today. Me and my friend are completely safe but it's weird to think that this is someone we knew and had fun with back in school. If he does text me again, I'll just say that my friend didn't want to talk about it so we don't get overly involved and if he doesn't respect that then I'll block him for sure. He doesn't talk to me much very often so I'm not too worried. But it is really really sad.
So this was a guy I used to be friends with. We used to have a laugh and mess around in class a lot and at one point, I considered him a "close friend". I thought he was funny, although his sense of humour was overly offensive at times. He had a pretty shit home life (and a young carer) and definitely wasn't feeling the best mentally and had anger issues. I was never afraid of him, but he did look quite scary when he was mad. He also had a reputation for lying (sometimes it's really obvious too) and can act like a smart arse.
I guess warning signs (I mean larger ones) were back in either Year 10 or 11. He started dating girls that I didn't know as they weren't from my school and during those times, he would act all giddy and cheerful and act like the girls were the best thing ever and it's like he shaped how he acts based on the girls he was with. And then they would break up after a short while and talk about how they are bitches and how awful they were. It's possible that some of them cheated because I remember him mentioning that happened to them, but of course I can't say for sure. He acted like all the girls he dated were bitches and honestly, it's hard to believe it's all of them. Maybe it's possible he ends up being attracted to girls with the same traits, and maybe he does but not for the reasons above. It's like he's reliant on being with somebody.
When we were done with school, we haven't seen each other in person until around 6 months ago once I believe. So before that, around 2 years. We text a couple times before that though. I only saw him because he asked to meet up with my friend who he had a "crush" on and she asked if I can come and also, I didn't want her to be alone with him since I knew it would've been awkward for her but we didn't feel unsafe then. I don't think he would've done anything physically even now. Another friend tagged a long too. He did ask her out before and acted like being friends was just fine (even act happy) and would bomb her with compliments and kept complimenting her even afterwards, the sort of compliments that normal friends don't gush on about constantly. He put on this "wholesome personality" that didn't sound like him. I know people changed but it wasn't natural, it was like he was matching my friend. This was also after he broke up with a girl he was engaged with. He also vented to my friend constantly, through text and on the phone. He never really vented to me but he had talked to me about some sad stuff before and some were likely true.
I don't really know the timeline, but my friend mentioned how he had a false allegation and got jailed for a bit from the girl he was engaged with for rape. We both believed it at the time, didn't give much thought except feel bad for him really. My friend actually does know the girl since they were friends back in Year 7 and described her as childlike, sweet, clingy and likely had some sort of learning difficulty. My friend actually seen her a couple of times at her workplace as well. The girl mentioned what happened with the guy and that he raped her and that his defence was "it's not possible to actually be asleep during the day". The worst thing is, I can imagine him saying that way too easily. It's just the sort of thing he would say. This sort of smart arse response that seems hard to make up. It sounds like him. I guess the only thing that can make you not believe her might be how easily she mentioned it but she also sounds like the sort of person to over share, especially since she used to be quite clingy towards my friend.
Me and my friend hung out today and actually bumped into that girl and her current boyfriend and my friend is right, she seems and sounds very childlike in a very shy sort of way as well. She has this sort of innocence you can't fake. I look back on the girls he dated back in school and they were girls who were vulnerable, some were suicidal and I think I remember one having an eating disorder and another (though could be remembering wrong) with schizophrenia. And after breaking up, they were suddenly awful people who broke his heart and this hasn't changed. My friend followed him on social media and he used to delete everything, only post stuff with his girlfriends and once they break up, delete and post deep edgy things and talk about how bad things are. With that and his tendency to lie, what his defence may have been that sounded too much like him, how clingy he acted towards my friend, how much he's vent to her and compliment her. She felt uncomfortable with it at the time and I told her to tell him that and I think he did for a bit but not really. We think he may have actually did it. It's scary to think that someone who could possibly be a rapist had a crush on my friend. She blocked him on everything today but she may have missed one so when he asked, she blocked him on that too and then he called her with no caller ID (which she didn't answer). He text me later today asking what's going on and I just said I don't know even though I encouraged her to block him and delete his number. I thought I blocked him a while back but I think that was only on WhatsApp and I didn't wanna make things suspicious by not replying. He wanted me to ask what's up but I said not today as she's busy (which is true). It's scary to think that he may have done that and he text me today. Me and my friend are completely safe but it's weird to think that this is someone we knew and had fun with back in school. If he does text me again, I'll just say that my friend didn't want to talk about it so we don't get overly involved and if he doesn't respect that then I'll block him for sure. He doesn't talk to me much very often so I'm not too worried. But it is really really sad.
Post edited by JustV on
3
Comments
Sending hugs,
Amy22 ♥
Thanks amy 🤗
My friend is completely fine, luckily there was nothing more than too many compliments and too much venting. main reason i havent blocked him yet was just that he might use no caller ID so figured its better to leave it. If he does again then i will. Again, we never had much contact. Somehow im not too shocked by it but its hard to believe that this was someone i really liked being around back in secondary. Im completely fine, ive never been overly involved with it and he doesnt know that i know about all this stuff and plan to keep it that way and just encouraging my friend to ignore him as much as possible. It sucks coz how he was back in secondary, if he had done it, it all makes sense. If he hasnt done it, then hopefully he finds genuinely good people in his life and i wish him well but im not gonna find that out. One thing i know for sure is that he has struggled quite a lot so I can’t be 100% on anything. He has a good side, but i guess if he had done something like that then that side is insignificant.
It sucks coz i feel like i realised that a lot of friends back in secondary werent very good people but this has to be the worst.
Thank you for sharing this story with us, I imagine this has evoked quite a few emotions for you. It can be really unsettling to learn of information like this about someone you once liked quite a lot. The truth can feel mismatched to the person you once knew, and this can be hard to digest. It makes sense that you're having a tough time processing this. When fond memories become tainted, it can be quite upsetting and it's understandable that you might wish for things to be different.
I understand this is especially tough since you saw him struggling himself, only to then be accused of inflicting suffering of his own accord. Watching this cycle continue can be distressing and can leave you feeling a bit hopeless or as if things are frustratingly out of your control.
How are you feeling now? We are here for you.
Take care.
Hi im okay ((:
he didnt message me again and he i dont think he tried to contact my friend again as far as i know as well so neither of us is worried about how he's getting on
I'm glad to see that you're feeling a bit better. This situation must have been quite draining for you. Please do not hesitate to reach out again if you need support, we are here for you.
Take care.