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Feeling invisible as an autistic person and having flashbacks
Today, I was feeling down.
No girls seem to notice me and are interested in talking to me, especially at university. For instance, I pressed a door to automatically open it, and this girl from my class did not speak or acknowledge me.
I was having flashbacks. A staff member said that in class support is rare at HE, dismissing my autism as unimportant, when I shared I was unhappy with my support. She was not sympathetic at all. I felt I was fobbed off at an event I attended to arrange my disability support. A past mentor telling me that university is not geared towards autistic people. I was imagining getting back at him, saying that he needs to think of the power of his words and that it still affects me today.
I was feeling isolated when I was eating my lunch in the canteen, and then ended up having a thought about my dad discussing with my brother that the students and staff probably do not care that I am autism. I feel I am expected to live in the same way as others and that people I am using it as an excuse, especially at home.
I have been feeling invisible in class, when conversations were going on around me, as I am the only autistic person and it is hard to relate to others. It is not as simple as going over and talking to people. It is much more complicated than that for autistic people.
I had to send an email to chase up not being assigned study skills support, when it was listed as support on a letter. I just received an email about it, with no apology. It was just brushed under the carpet, as if nothing happened.