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Desperately lonely and unhappy. Friendless.

civic2506civic2506 Posts: 2 Newbie
edited November 2022 in Introduce Yourself
I am 19 years old, living just outside London.

I have struggled with forming and retaining friendships for as long as I care to remember. I have been diagnosed with ASD (Aspergers), more recently ADHD (combined type), and I also have been diagnosed with depression/anxiety, 2 years ago, but in reality have had suicidal ideation from the age of 14. I was also treated for symptoms of PTSD because of severe bullying. Yeah, my life has been a mess. And I don't hate myself anymore, I just hate the situation I'm in.

To put it simply, I have no friends. Not real friends. I never have anyone to go out with and spend my time with. I've only ever had one girlfriend, will be 3 years ago next July, and that barely lasted 2 months if that. I have qualifications, and tried my shot at university, but dropped out because I struggled to actually like the course I chose, I did meet friends, but then I found out when I left, they spread some absolutely horrific rumours about me, and the rest just never got back in touch.

All I want is a life. I don't have that right now, I am just existing.

I don't need to be told to think about the postives.
I don't need to be told I could be worse off.
I don't need to be told it gets better.

I have been told all of these things, and none of them can resonate with me, or any depressed person for that matter. I don't want to "work on being my best self". What do meaningless statements like that mean? I am my best self. I exercise, sometimes I'll go to the gym. I can be very confident. I am self aware, painfully self aware for that matter. There is nothing I can change about myself , nothing that would make this predicament any better.

I am hopeless, to tell you the truth. I have been in A&E before, I've been suicidal before, I've self harmed, I'm medicated, I have a therapist, I've had two major mental health crises and the past six years I have had all sortrs of issues.

Hopeless because no one seems to actually understand this, not understand it, but actually understand what there actually is out there for people like me. The NHS therapist i was given, (i also have a private one) is useless and tells me to "find clubs". Have you tried looking for clubs for a 19 year old? What do they expect me to do, knit? I have looked at meetup apps, and they all seem to be aimed at either older people ,or specific communities eg LGBT. I have used friendship apps, on the subject of LGBT it seems on that app I was a magnet for attracting closeted, young gay men who wanted to use me for their own agendas rather than friendship. I have used dating apps, and all resulting in faliure, either attracting women who only want to sleep with men, physically and mentally unattractive women, unstable/emotionally unavaliable women etc etc.

I don't have "hobbies" - name me a straight, white British nineteen year old who has hobbies that extend beyond getting drunk/clubbing which is what I'm more than happy to do and I did when I was at university? I have a job where the only requirement is to speak english. I had a full tiem job for a couple of months but more or less got fired because of issues which prompted me to get the adhd diagnosis - i suspected i had it, and i was proved right. I am close to becoming a police officer, but there is one massive thing in the way of that: my mental health history, which I have been open about. It's my dream job and I think unlike most jobs, its actually a life in itself, work colleagues become friends and partners, etc etc. As an autistic person who can only recognise hirearchies if they are clearly defined and visible, eg, rank, and as an adhd person who thrives on danger, risk, adrenaline etc, its even more appealling.

Every young person I know is at university, but going back would be a massive financial gamble, what if i don't enjoy the course, or i don't make friends like i did before? Plus i'll have to wait til september 2024 in all likelihood to go.

I am at my wits end. I don't like dungeons and dragons. I don't like sports, other than the gym. All I want is a friend or a few, and a girlfriend. I recognise I deserve this, I am absolutely entitled to it like everyone else around me (whereas before i would just say i was a terrible, worthless person etc), i now recognise my qualities etc, yes this is a positive.

Surely I cannot be the only nineteen year old in this situation.

[Edited by moderator - frequency of gym visits edited out in line with community guidelines]
Post edited by TheMix on


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    jess63jess63 Posts: 287 The Mix Regular
    Hi @civic2506

    Firstly welcome to the mix and well done for reaching out to the community. I'm hearing that you are struggling making friends and meeting new people. That sounds really difficult. You're not alone in having this problem it can be difficult to meet new people especially as you get older. You've mentioned that you don't really have any hobbies, in which you can meet new people. A good way I find to meet new people is volunteering, you mentioned that you are close to becoming a police officer well one for that, thats a great achievement, if you have any spare time in the week the police service have a number of volunteering roles that could allow you to meet with people that like similar things to you. I'll attach a link to the police volunteering site https://www.police.uk/pu/careers-and-volunteering/. How would you feel about maybe looking into something like that?

    Keep us updated with how you're getting on, we're all here for you :)
    The steps you take don't have to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction.
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    liamsmithh95liamsmithh95 Posts: 4 Newbie
    Welcome! :)
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    RossouwRossouw Deactivated Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
    Hi Civic, I'm Rossouw. I hope we can be friends. I'm perhaps a bit young so I may annoy you. My brother say I can sometimes be annoying but we are good friends. I may not spend to much time on my computer. I will check in when ever I may.
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