Painfully alone

Former Member

Found this site doing research for my studies. I'm 22. I moved to the UK from South Africa 6 months ago. I have no friends here and I had none in SA to leave behind. My whole life I've struggled to make friends. I'd hoped moving to the UK would give me a better shot at making friends because being white and alternative/goth in South Africa makes it a lot harder to fit in anywhere.

I've tried everything. Striking up casual conversations with my work colleagues and fellow classmates. Going out to parties and bars. Being friendly and polite to everyone I meet. Showing genuine interest in other people's lives. Putting effort in to grow a friendship - arranging meetups, always texting first, going out of my way to help someone with a problem in their personal life. I've tried multiple apps and websites/forums. Tried restoring and reparing broken friendships.

As I sit here, alone, writing this post, it feels like I'm just writing a journal entry. I try and try to communicate, to connect, but no one seems to hear me. All my past attempts ended in failure, yet here I am trying again. I guess it's just really really hard to accept not belonging anywhere or feeling like anyone understands you.

Anyway, here goes. Some facts about me:
- passionate about psychology
- enjoy drawing
- horror movie fanatic
- depression, anxiety/panic attacks, Asperger's, chronic pain, ADHD, insomnia
- love festivals and parties
- tried most of the drugs that exist (currently sober)
- highly empathic
- goth/clowncore
- bisexual
- failed the last 5 attempts to study something
- learning to juggle but really suck at it

~<3~

Former Member

Hey @harlequin good to have you on The Mix!!

Your move from SA was recent, it may not feel like it, but try to give yourself time to settle in. I moved to London a year ago, and have only recently started to find my feet, everyone goes at different paces. It sounds like you're really trying to connect with others, I'm sorry to hear that it feels like no one is actually hearing you. It's not really the same situation, but my sister is struggling at the moment with all her friends going to parties and drinking alcohol, because she doesn't like being around alcohol. She doesn't get invited because she doesn't drink, and being 16, it's quite a prominent age for social life. She had a cry with us the other day, saying she wanted to fit in and be 'normal'. I told her that if she pretended, just to fit in, she would end up feeling more alone and her mental health would decline. She loves poetry, Latin, Greek mythology, History, so I told her to just do the things she loves because to be her authentic self is more important than fitting in. It's a different situation of course, but I just want to tell you that your individuality is your strength.

It's good to read your facts about you! What are you studying? Which festivals do you like going to? What do you like to draw? What are your favourite horror movies and what is it about them you like? Maybe you could take these interests and look for clubs and stuff, like a drawing class. Try meetup, I typed in goth core on meetup and 11 groups came up, so you could find like-minded people on websites like that.

Maybe ask yourself what is it you want from a friendship?

These forums can be a journal entry, use it like that whenever you need. People on here are brave enough to share their deepest rawest thoughts and we all support each other on here, no judgement whatsoever. It is a safe space for you to express yourself.

Keep at the juggling!!

Former Member

Hey @harlequin,

Welcome to The Mix - we're really excited to have you with us as part of our community

I'm sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you since moving to the UK, and that you don't feel as though the effort that you've put into creating friendships here has paid off. I want you to know that we hear you, and that we care about you. We're here for you and hope that you enjoy getting to know us all. You can talk to us about whatevers on your mind and seek support from your peers here, or use our community as more of a social space.

You'd be welcome to post up a thread to share how you're feeling with others, if you'd like to do so. I also thought it might be helpful if I pointed out a few different areas of the Discussion Boards that you might be interested in:

1. Anything Goes - This is the place to post about random stuff that doesn't fit in any other forum, and to engage in relaxed chats, games, memes, pet pictures and anything else that's a little random or out there.
2. Sex and Relationships - This is the place you can create friends about friendship, romance or relationships of any kind and seek support from others.
3. Health & Wellbeing- You can talk about anything to do with your mental health or wellbeing here by creating a post to seek some advice from others.

You might also be interested in checking out our Group Chats, which you can find out more about here.

Welcome aboard, Harlequin. We're really excited to have you here with us.

Take care and see you around the place,
Harry

Former Member

Welcome

It’s great to have you here, it must be so difficult to move so far from home in the hopes of finding belonging to only be disappointed.

I hope the Mix can provide a place for you to meet some incredible people, and receive any support or advice you many need. Anything you need, you just have to ask!

I’m also passionate about psychology, my favourite aspect is developmental, what about you? I love music, but haven’t been to many festivals - what are some of the best ones you have been to? I’m enjoy drawing too, I also like to paint (acrylic and watercolour). I’m working on a painting of a cow at the moment 😅
What you drawn anything recently?

I cant wait to learn more about you! Take care, Fiona ❤️

Former Member

harlequin wrote: »

Found this site doing research for my studies. I'm 22. I moved to the UK from South Africa 6 months ago. I have no friends here and I had none in SA to leave behind. My whole life I've struggled to make friends. I'd hoped moving to the UK would give me a better shot at making friends because being white and alternative/goth in South Africa makes it a lot harder to fit in anywhere.

I've tried everything. Striking up casual conversations with my work colleagues and fellow classmates. Going out to parties and bars. Being friendly and polite to everyone I meet. Showing genuine interest in other people's lives. Putting effort in to grow a friendship - arranging meetups, always texting first, going out of my way to help someone with a problem in their personal life. I've tried multiple apps and websites/forums. Tried restoring and reparing broken friendships.

Try joining a local church. One which has a lot of members. I don't know what part of the UK you are in but most big towns and cities in the UK have got at least one or too busy churches that are well attended. Most large busy churches have regular events throughout the year and often mid week events as well. You can find a busy local church by searching on google. You don't have to be religious to attend. Many churches also put on informal coffee mornings for the local community as well. Where people go sit and relax and make new friends.

Former Member

@harlequin

How are you feeling since your post?