I just want to be accepted, but I know that it will never happen.

I just want to be accepted by my family. I am trans FtM, I have been living like this for years, living two lives, because my family won't accept me. I told my mum several years ago, when I was still a teenager, and she said "I've got two boys, I don't need another one." Which hurt a lot, it sticks with me every single day. I can deal with living two lives, but recently its just getting too much to cope with.

I just want to tell them, and say "You either accept me, or you don't and we never speak again." It's also complicated because I have no where to actually go, I am disabled, I live with my mum and have no way of escaping. I want to live on my own, but it feels like every time I bring it up, I am made to feel guilty. I don't know what to do anymore.

I am suffering and they can't even see it. Or they can and they just choose to ignore it. My family is homophobic and transphobic, no matter how many times they try to deny the fact, they are.

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Comments

Laura_tigger82

You have been really brave sharing this with us @Skelly. I can hear how you just want to be accepted but do not feel accepted.

It is understandable you find this difficult. It is more a reflection of the difficult situation you are in rather than you as a person.

It sounds like you are struggling with dealing with this, it is getting too much to cope with and you feel unable to escape from it.

Do you want to tell us more about what “it is getting too much to cope with” looks like at the moment? We are here for you if you would like to share more with us.

Just wondering if there is anything, in particular, that might help this to feel more manageable for you at the moment.

Please feel free to keep us updated, we are all here for you

Amy22

Hi @Skelly, I'm sorry to hear that you have been going through a very rough time with your family. I can imagine how hard it is feeling like you are not accepted by your family. I am always here if you would like to talk more about this.

Sending hugs,

Amy22

sinead276

Also want to say I'm sending hugs your way - I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you to go through, but we are all here to support you when you need it and accept you for who are

Sending hugs,
Sinead

AislingDM

Welcome to The Mix @Skelly ! and thank you for beginning your time with us in such a brave and vulnerable way

I cannot even begin to imagine the level of emotional pain you are in from this lack of acceptance from the people who should care the most about you. It's no wonder you've been left in a state of hopelessness and devastation

Despite being brave enough to be honest about who you are, you were met with misunderstanding and a rejection of your real self, which is beyond unfair and wrong.

And to make matters worse, you are unable to find freedom from this toxic environment of transphobia and homophobia because you are forced to rely upon your mum. Even with your confidence of trying to be independent you are made to feel small and guilty for wanting to be the mature person that you are.

I know this is an impossible situation, equally, i want you to know how truly deserving of peace and joy you are, and irrespective of the harmful home environmnent, you should be allowed to move out if you want any way!

We are here to listen and help in anyway possible and so I just thought I'd link some resources on supported living for adults with disabilities so that we could explore the options out there, because maybe with time and with clear evidence of the research you have done, your mum may begin to understand why you deserve independence:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/care-services-equipment-and-care-homes/supported-living-services/

https://lifeways.co.uk/our-services/supported-living

Aside from the moving out aspect, I wanted to check in about whether or not you are gaining any support for the pain that this transphobia must be causing you?

Huge hugs and well done xx