Masculinity

Creativeboy23

This evening, my brother was talking to my mum about me not being able to punch and then was saying if you self pleasure all the time, you are draining your masculinity. Then, he was saying that is why men settle into their emotions and it is not supposed to be that way. In other words, he was saying it is supposed to a feminine trait. Anytime I hear this harmful message, it makes me feel that I am not supposed to have an emotional trait as a man. People have told me it is not the case and I try to tell myself that, but when I keep receiving the same harmful message, it makes it challenging to debunk it. He was saying that women are put in the Only Way is Essex to stimulate men. So, I now feel funny about watching the series when I have been enjoying the show. This idea of masculinity has put pressure on me to think about needing to learn measuring, building etc, so I am alpha male in my future romantic relationship, even though my autism spectrum is going to impact this. I have had to do meditation to destress and relax earlier but now I am feeling down.

HarryT

Hello @Creativeboy23,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing this with us. I can hear how it would be really difficult and frustrating for you to be in an environment where you are told that men should not express their emotions and behave in an 'alpha male' way in order to be considered a man.

From where I'm standing, I think that everyone processes and copes with situations differently, and has their own personal set of interests and hobbies. There isn't anything wrong, or less-masculine, about that, it's just a fact of being human. I'm sorry that you feel as though your identity is being challenged by these ideals of how a man should behave or what they should enjoy.

You've said that you did some meditation to help yourself to destress and relax, which sounds to me like a really healthy way to manage and cope with these difficult feeings. Do you often meditate to help yourself to destress, or is this the first time that you have tried it? How are you feeling about everything at the moment? I'm hearing that you feel down, and wondered if that was still the case, and if you could tell us a little bit more about what being down looks like for you?

In your message, you also mentioned that you feel as though your ability to be masculine is impacted by being on the autistic spectrum, and I wondered if you could tell us a little bit more about that? If you'd like to chat it through then we're all ears.

We're here for you, and you've done really well to share this with us today.

Take care,
Harry

Creativeboy23

Hello @HarryT.

It was really difficult but I am okay now. I am not affected anymore. Thanks for your validation and support.

Creativeboy23.