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tkdog
Posts: 281 The Mix Regular
Don't know where to put this one it's kinda to do with friends but also work and life stuff.
I don't know where to start but there are a couple of things bothering me thought would help to write and maybe someone might have suggestions idk or that..
One thing that upset me a lot is when I met up with a supposed friend recently. He was acting kinda strange. I know he been thru roughtimes but wow he acted strange. Firstly he did try to pressure me to try this ride thing which i didnt but okay. But later i was talking about new job i be moving to and he was acting strange. He may have been just joking around but it was so difficult to have a serious conversation it was frustrating and pushing me to be defensive. And i been through so so much to even get this opportunity and been turned down a lot. I did not feel support from him and he may even have been jealous who knows. But what made it worse was he made me feel stupid cuz i got up the job description to tell him it precisely and he was like dont u know whats in the job and laughed. He also made fun the fact i dlnt remember the questions i asked in interview. Well i went thru a lot of them like come on, thats mean and he later was like oh i get what u mean. Also then he moaned about his job later. But tbh if he wanted help id would give him. Also he has a lot of knowledge in which if he helped me i would have gotten this other thing i really wanted but i didnt ask cuz he is stressed, but i reget that later i didnt even mention it just to like let him know (not for help just at least to talk about it). Even now he could still help me get better. But I feel like broken after talking with from him. And later when we sat down to eat he acted weird steal my stuff pretended to eat my food etc. Like im tired and that. Reminded me when i would get bullied at school and immature. Yet he then later fell half asleep and said he didnt sleep well.. I dont know if feel bad for him or not. But he wants to meet again soon.. i would have and still kind of. But not like this and dont want to be treated like this. I havent told him yet how i feel about it. I was waiting for him to reach out because i feel this kind of distance really, we only really hang out to do fun stuff not feel like much of a friend.
I felt worse and worse about it the more i thought about it. Normally i recover from bad things quickly but this came hard on me. I already had insecruities about the job. But now i just feel terrible about it. I cried loads. It isnt the ideal area i wanted to go into but its a change from before. Tbh i wanted something else. And it makes me feel guilty so many ppl would kill for this positioj. Actually i still kind of want to do it. I just feel kind of broken.. tho at some point i may do something else anyway. Tho i cant drive so that limits opportunties a bit, i want to but its difficult to find the right ppl to do it, why do they have to make it so hard and so expensive. I dont understand why ppl have to learn to drive anyway? I thought cars were learning to drive themselves.. lol and plus public transport.
Also i thought about doing something art related however ppl tell u not to and also the secure jobs even when u get them u may get overworked idk. Also another office job with may be tiring on the eyes (a problem i suffer with) but outdoor job often means driving so.. I wish i didnt throw away career directory thing but my dad told me u have one already. Tho he might be more open minded about it now how ppl r changing careers. Except most ppl r going into fields like the one im in already.. which i enjoy maybe im just not using the skills in the right way. Or maybe i should wait for newer jobs that appear in future idk.
But i guess i can work on stuff in my own time and see how i feel about it at least like art or design etc can be self taught in some parts or maybe evening classes but i dunno how to get my parents to think its good.. idk feels like they controls me even now. I feel like i cant just talk to them either im scared.
But there is other stuff on my kind too..
Also one person I know is nice to me moving away.
What made me more sad was when my dad said do u want me to drop u off in so and so area, which is near them (tho another person too.)
I have only met up this person once in recent times tho we actively talk.
But it just made it painful to think. They are still here atm but i dont want to impose on them when they are busy getting ready to leave and we met up not that long ago it feels. And if they say know or if they say they r busy would make it more painful. If my dad didnt mention this at all i dont think id be even thinking about it.. on the bright side.. maybe i could still visit them tho far but i dont know i have other stuff to worry about and travelling to meet ppl all the time is tiring. I live in a big enough place u would think could get more friends locally. I dunno but i dont drink or anything. Plus my parents kind feels like controlling me even tho maybe thats not their intention.
And worry for my safety (though that part i understand and is good). I dont like telling them that im going to so and so, or asking them stuff idk its scary. I feel like have to ask them every time.. but sometimes u dont want to u know? I am happy for them though. I guess in a way its the least of my worries. Just feels like i will have less friends than before who i can get to easily.
One of my friends has been quite ill recently, he is recovering thankfully but it made me feel lower.
Have met ppl thru playing games tho they sometimes far.
It can be fun tho not sure can feel a bit fake or tiring. A lot to keep up with.
Also some ppl r keen to meet up.
I am sure there are fine ppl and wouldn't pressure me into it. But just feel like tired enough. Like would be nice sometime but also I don't u know if feel comfortable yet. Also one person tho they r nice they feel like they are posturing trying to be someone they are not? U know like their hobbies and that is genuine.. jus somehow feels a bit insecure or that. And idk not sure if i like that.
And i wanted to go to this thing to meet some ppl i know.
I already said im.going to this other thing to my parents. However this one is morning the other is afternoon.
I dont want to tell about what exactly it is.
I mean i am old enough to do what i want but im not sure what to say about it because they always asks questions...
Maybe i could say im meeting friends afterwards but i never done this kinda thing b4.so they may think its a bit strange and why am i not meeting like on another day why suddenly do this.
Also i may be sweaty after.. lol or too tired. So i dont know.
But i really want to go... Not sure if i want to skip the thing b4 tho cuz its may be the last time i can go for a while as may not he on till next year after that or maybe a few more times im not sure.. i feel bad if i dont go as my parents be like r u nto interested anymore? There is also another thing i want to go to but again its stressful having to explain things to my parents each time what it is why i want to go. Its like having to do a powerpoint presentation. Just to go somewhere.. and im scared about going to begin with tbh i wouldnt mind someone even if it was one of my parents to go with me but explaining to them is tiring i feel they either dont listen or dismissive.. not sure how to get ppl to listen. But on the other side i also want to have privacy sometimes and not have annoying questions unless its necessary or just a bit.
One more thing a friend of mine got in a relationship lately so felt sad in a way they may be too busy for me. But another part of me felt relief.. which is kinda bad.
However then they r still talking to me. So maybe its just me. They were saying we should go to so and so place. So maybe im.just more excited to go to place. Idk. They have helped me more than anyone with certain things mostly practical stuff and can be nice. But they do have a weird side to them but also when they talk they can go on and on sometimes boring stuff. I could just tell them to be quiet lol but im not good at it. Also they seemed to like me a lot a lot but i dont i found it.. awkard. But yer they are into certain things i dont like and that alone does make me feel a bit eeh. But nice person i guess idk i feel guilty i felt a certain sense of relief but then yer maybe i guess just need more boundaries..
I don't know where to start but there are a couple of things bothering me thought would help to write and maybe someone might have suggestions idk or that..
One thing that upset me a lot is when I met up with a supposed friend recently. He was acting kinda strange. I know he been thru roughtimes but wow he acted strange. Firstly he did try to pressure me to try this ride thing which i didnt but okay. But later i was talking about new job i be moving to and he was acting strange. He may have been just joking around but it was so difficult to have a serious conversation it was frustrating and pushing me to be defensive. And i been through so so much to even get this opportunity and been turned down a lot. I did not feel support from him and he may even have been jealous who knows. But what made it worse was he made me feel stupid cuz i got up the job description to tell him it precisely and he was like dont u know whats in the job and laughed. He also made fun the fact i dlnt remember the questions i asked in interview. Well i went thru a lot of them like come on, thats mean and he later was like oh i get what u mean. Also then he moaned about his job later. But tbh if he wanted help id would give him. Also he has a lot of knowledge in which if he helped me i would have gotten this other thing i really wanted but i didnt ask cuz he is stressed, but i reget that later i didnt even mention it just to like let him know (not for help just at least to talk about it). Even now he could still help me get better. But I feel like broken after talking with from him. And later when we sat down to eat he acted weird steal my stuff pretended to eat my food etc. Like im tired and that. Reminded me when i would get bullied at school and immature. Yet he then later fell half asleep and said he didnt sleep well.. I dont know if feel bad for him or not. But he wants to meet again soon.. i would have and still kind of. But not like this and dont want to be treated like this. I havent told him yet how i feel about it. I was waiting for him to reach out because i feel this kind of distance really, we only really hang out to do fun stuff not feel like much of a friend.
I felt worse and worse about it the more i thought about it. Normally i recover from bad things quickly but this came hard on me. I already had insecruities about the job. But now i just feel terrible about it. I cried loads. It isnt the ideal area i wanted to go into but its a change from before. Tbh i wanted something else. And it makes me feel guilty so many ppl would kill for this positioj. Actually i still kind of want to do it. I just feel kind of broken.. tho at some point i may do something else anyway. Tho i cant drive so that limits opportunties a bit, i want to but its difficult to find the right ppl to do it, why do they have to make it so hard and so expensive. I dont understand why ppl have to learn to drive anyway? I thought cars were learning to drive themselves.. lol and plus public transport.
Also i thought about doing something art related however ppl tell u not to and also the secure jobs even when u get them u may get overworked idk. Also another office job with may be tiring on the eyes (a problem i suffer with) but outdoor job often means driving so.. I wish i didnt throw away career directory thing but my dad told me u have one already. Tho he might be more open minded about it now how ppl r changing careers. Except most ppl r going into fields like the one im in already.. which i enjoy maybe im just not using the skills in the right way. Or maybe i should wait for newer jobs that appear in future idk.
But i guess i can work on stuff in my own time and see how i feel about it at least like art or design etc can be self taught in some parts or maybe evening classes but i dunno how to get my parents to think its good.. idk feels like they controls me even now. I feel like i cant just talk to them either im scared.
But there is other stuff on my kind too..
Also one person I know is nice to me moving away.
What made me more sad was when my dad said do u want me to drop u off in so and so area, which is near them (tho another person too.)
I have only met up this person once in recent times tho we actively talk.
But it just made it painful to think. They are still here atm but i dont want to impose on them when they are busy getting ready to leave and we met up not that long ago it feels. And if they say know or if they say they r busy would make it more painful. If my dad didnt mention this at all i dont think id be even thinking about it.. on the bright side.. maybe i could still visit them tho far but i dont know i have other stuff to worry about and travelling to meet ppl all the time is tiring. I live in a big enough place u would think could get more friends locally. I dunno but i dont drink or anything. Plus my parents kind feels like controlling me even tho maybe thats not their intention.
And worry for my safety (though that part i understand and is good). I dont like telling them that im going to so and so, or asking them stuff idk its scary. I feel like have to ask them every time.. but sometimes u dont want to u know? I am happy for them though. I guess in a way its the least of my worries. Just feels like i will have less friends than before who i can get to easily.
One of my friends has been quite ill recently, he is recovering thankfully but it made me feel lower.
Have met ppl thru playing games tho they sometimes far.
It can be fun tho not sure can feel a bit fake or tiring. A lot to keep up with.
Also some ppl r keen to meet up.
I am sure there are fine ppl and wouldn't pressure me into it. But just feel like tired enough. Like would be nice sometime but also I don't u know if feel comfortable yet. Also one person tho they r nice they feel like they are posturing trying to be someone they are not? U know like their hobbies and that is genuine.. jus somehow feels a bit insecure or that. And idk not sure if i like that.
And i wanted to go to this thing to meet some ppl i know.
I already said im.going to this other thing to my parents. However this one is morning the other is afternoon.
I dont want to tell about what exactly it is.
I mean i am old enough to do what i want but im not sure what to say about it because they always asks questions...
Maybe i could say im meeting friends afterwards but i never done this kinda thing b4.so they may think its a bit strange and why am i not meeting like on another day why suddenly do this.
Also i may be sweaty after.. lol or too tired. So i dont know.
But i really want to go... Not sure if i want to skip the thing b4 tho cuz its may be the last time i can go for a while as may not he on till next year after that or maybe a few more times im not sure.. i feel bad if i dont go as my parents be like r u nto interested anymore? There is also another thing i want to go to but again its stressful having to explain things to my parents each time what it is why i want to go. Its like having to do a powerpoint presentation. Just to go somewhere.. and im scared about going to begin with tbh i wouldnt mind someone even if it was one of my parents to go with me but explaining to them is tiring i feel they either dont listen or dismissive.. not sure how to get ppl to listen. But on the other side i also want to have privacy sometimes and not have annoying questions unless its necessary or just a bit.
One more thing a friend of mine got in a relationship lately so felt sad in a way they may be too busy for me. But another part of me felt relief.. which is kinda bad.
However then they r still talking to me. So maybe its just me. They were saying we should go to so and so place. So maybe im.just more excited to go to place. Idk. They have helped me more than anyone with certain things mostly practical stuff and can be nice. But they do have a weird side to them but also when they talk they can go on and on sometimes boring stuff. I could just tell them to be quiet lol but im not good at it. Also they seemed to like me a lot a lot but i dont i found it.. awkard. But yer they are into certain things i dont like and that alone does make me feel a bit eeh. But nice person i guess idk i feel guilty i felt a certain sense of relief but then yer maybe i guess just need more boundaries..
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Comments
I'm hearing that your friend didn't support you and made you feel bad about getting a new job and that you have insecurities about starting this new job. Firstly congratulations on getting a new job, thats an amazing achievement. It sounds really tough that your friend didn't support you. Is there anyone that you can talk to about your insecurities and worries about this new job?
You mentioned that you haven't yet spoken to your friend about how you are feeling, as its been a few days I was wondering have you managed to speak to him yet or how would you feel about reaching out first and tell him how you're feeling?
I'm also hearing that you want to go somewhere to meet up with some people you know, but its on the same day as something else and you're not sure what to go to, is that correct? That sounds difficult. If you feel unable to speak to your parents about this, is there anyone else you would feel better speaking to and asking for advice about this?
Please keep us updated with how you're feeling, we're all here for you
Thanks for the reply to this.
I dont think id be comfortable telling ppl or tbh i have tried a bit so far already.
Either they are jealous, dont care, they are biased to another career or to mine (be like keep working I love this kind of thing!! or be like nah ofc u dun like it other jobs r better). I dont see how this is helpful to me. Or jus they dont know what to say. Or maybe they just dont like working anyway lol so whatever they say would be negative.
I haven't been able to speak to the friend yet tbh im still waiting for them to approach me.. they said they would anyway.
I dont want to send a long message to them suddenly saying stuff and potentially get ignored or get overly angry nor do i want to say hi and then suddenly talk about this. I dont feel good still anyway or I thought I was feeling a little better but I felt sad about something else like a friend who i jus dont know other than hugging (well virtual hugs tbh) and food idk what we have in common I guess certain opinions and that.. also jus hurt feel distant..
Sometimes i send stuff I think they would like sometimes I feel like they ignore it outright i know they r busy but it sucks having to wait for the right moment just to send something, I know sometimes ppl do this to u, u send an image or a link or vide u think they would like and they talk about something completely different.. but idk it hurts my feelings cuz i thought about the thing i sent. I thought they would like ti but they dont even say ok or acknowledge it. Yet i always try to even when its something i dont actually like I may even say i dont like it but that is far better than jus ignoring it. And even when u preface with a question feel ignored.
I also feel that same friend isnt always supportive like I send them some art im excited about idk maybe its just the way they write.. but worse was when I said I really want to do this thing and instead of supporting me in doing it they said i dont need to or that they would do it for me? How is that uplifting? Just makes me sad.
I feel like all the friends i have dun really care and most are online anyway.. I am tired of living stuff online. I did once got out of pandemic start meeting ppl more but it feels like its crumbling down on me my friend is mean to me, the other friend i havent known long i just dunno.. and etc.
I wish I did have someone who could help me out with stuff sometimes I guess I have my parents but.. just stuff like leanring to drive I am struggling I wish someone could help, lessons arent enough. Tho tbh i havent had one in ages... due to reasons and my parenys wants to force me to do automatic when i want to learn manual.. I mean its better than nothing (I just dont like it) but it doesnt even fix the problem im struggling with plus its hard to get. Maybe i could practice on a racing simulator.. I dont know. Not sure even where u get one. Or even a bumper car..
As for meetup didnt happens anyways at somepoint i still do clashing is a problem but still i could like stagger the times. But i dont know I dont really want to tel my parents the details they ask like where do u know friends.. who they are.. too many questions.
I guess at the end of the day I could just say meeting friends. But tbh im not sure if comfortable anyway more or not. Its something to think about i will try prioritise ppl by who i want and try to see if i can but i dont want to stress over it. But id love to meet certain ppl even if just once.. (some i have b4 ofc)
And I have told several ppl b4 but still not sure I guess if I said i was going to something they know is a big event would be easier.
Also its hard to be authentic ppl judge and it depends what group u r in what standards. Like from what u like down to even things like art style..
Some r stricter than others. However i do want standards of sorts ofc. But i dont want ppl to judge me cuz of my art style? Online it feels like ppl r even more judgmental sometimes.
Id like to go to more events but yer firstly i have to explain every single decision to my parents which is tiring also i dont drink. But the last thing I went to I did meet someone not sure if i should reach out to them again they r lot older than me and as a woman maybe i feels wary to a guy but we did get along i guess so i may. Idk jus felt so stressed lately so kinda jus forgot. I could volunteer but most of what i did i only semi enjoyed just felt like more work and I felt judged at one of the places felt the person didnt like me.. and i sure never made any friends like ppl say u can. It wasnt about that ofc its the experience, just felt like should be paid for this lol. But I rather just have fun and relax. If its a outdoor group or creative group something thats different. It would be nice to meet more ppl irl.
At work it seems impossible to meet anyone the last persin i thought i wokld get along with.. well she said lets keep in contact.. but then after that i never saw her at work again? I should have got her details or something im too shy to use work messaging, tbh im not sure they are still there. My team i hardly speak to they r so small, and everyone else ignoresu for the most part i tried to make an effort to say hi but i just kinda gave up. I dont go into work enough anyway and I feel like one of the ppl above me hates me she just blanks me like i dont exist maybe cuz of what i said. Or maybe im overthinking lol. I just feel like whenever i try to be out there everyone always pushes u down. Doesnt help the social events are often just alcohol based, they said they are "inclusive". Well how is that like accomodating everyone. Like the only time they did have like non alcoholic drinks was the first event they had then the later ones were informal and while u could buy a drink there was more pressure from ppl to drink. Like this is a work event!? I never had this from any social club or friends or even the few gatherings I went to nobody ever pressured u. So why work do they act like this. Think it is terrible.
But yer doesnt help my job is mostly at home i dont talk to anyone for the most part maybe changing jobs helps but i feel like its not enough maybe idk.
You've been really brave to open up and share all of this with us.
You mentioned in your last message that you haven't been able to speak with the friend about this yet, and that you are waiting for them to approach you. I'm wondering if you've heard from them yet at all? How are you feeling about having that conversation with them, when it does eventually come around? We'll be here for you to talk it through when it does happen, as I can hear that it is a big weight on your mind at the moment.
You've also mentioned that you feel as though most of your friendships are based online at the moment, and that you don't often talk to anyone as part of your job. It sounds as though you're missing that in-person connection with people, tkdog, would that be fair to say? Feelings of loneliness and isolation are personal, so everyone's experience of these things will be different. Your feelings are completely valid, tkdog, and we hear them.
If you are keen to explore ways to connect with people in-person, then you might like to check out these websites that could help to connect you with people in your local area:
Lastly, I wanted to pick up on what you said about having to explain every little decision to your parents. How is your relationship with your parents? Would you like to tell us anything else about it? If you would then we're here to listen.
We can hear that things are really difficult for you at the moment, tkdog. Know that we care about and we always will
Take care and speak soon,
Harry
Thanks for the links I havent heard of first one b4.
I have looked into meetup b4 it seems like a lot of events at least the ones I looked at however have gone online after the pandemic or not active which is a shame. Though I also do feel like it asks for too much information for a meetup site lol so I don't know about it maybe a local events board is better.
I have used a different site b4 tho that is like that its a bit hit and miss tho and some of the events it is not clear it is running.
But yer with this kind of thing I dunno I wouldn't know how to explain e.g. what is this meetups site etc. o my parents what it is, is it safe to use or why I want to go idk im not good with that sort of thing, and going to an event especially if it is not clear if an event is running in the first place or what it is the purpose of it tho I guess I could contact them and see but it makes me anxious when an organiser gives few details or makes it ambigious. And going alone can be scary. I did go to one event for a careers related thing tho.
I do see ppl in person a bit in this one group I go to sometimes but they are all ppl much much older than me like elderly even though I do get to chat and get advice
It's alright like sometimes with parents.
A bit tiring and having to wait for the right moment and stuff to explain stuff. Sometimes my parents are too picky or get angry easily tho. And i dont feel comfortable sometimes to ask things cuz share the same space so decisions affects others sometimes u still got to ask things have improved tho but I still have to figure stuff out. And if I suddenly made a big decision idk I feel like the best way is to make it seem like their idea.. or discuss it but idk
One of the things that is upsetting me is actually gaming with others.
I think I still will play but I do feel like I dont like playing late cuz tired and all the time. It seems like some ppl play very often and also I like to play with others sometimes to feeling obliged to always play with same ppl sucks and I want time for others. Its hard setting boundaries and if u arent doing anything its hard saying no sometimes. But other times ur not sure urself. I am also asked to play a board game of sorts that takes a lot of time and im not sure it could be fun at the same time its time consuming but also finding when and having ppl who i dont know play as well feels weird. I feel kinda dragged into it and dont feel a sense of control over it and i dont like that. It also feels a bit weird. I prefer things that dont take as long. But I guess im willing to try.. overall tho I want to limit how much time put into games and that, i dont like that playing with others gives u less time to do stuff alone or puts u off it even
I think it is that a lot of events have moved online now after COVID. An online events site sounds like a good idea, some towns have sites that list all the public events happening in that area, which could be a good way to meet up with people. I'm hearing that you feel anxious about going to events, if the details are ambiguous. That does sound difficult. Does this events site, have a comment section or anything similar in which you could ask if the session was going ahead?
I'm also hearing that you sometimes don't like gaming or playing games if it's late as you feel tired. That sounds like a tricky situation. How would you feel about maybe setting a timer or something similar when you play or saying to the person that you're playing with that you can only play for a certain amount of time. That way you can still play but it might not take as much time.
Keep us updated with how you're getting on
I am just being silly but the thing is changing expectations and living at home its strange.
It feels like im still expected to ask even tho I have money (i could wait for xmas but then no one seems to want to get me anything either have had many years i get almost nothing).
Yet I know they will say I already have very similar game. It isnt out yet and
I can't preorder anything anyway because I don't know if I will be able to play it as with new things coming up. But i want it to play with others.
I'm sure I could go out and just buy it myself I just don't like how it has to be a secret I want to be able to talk about it, I dunno it's like I just want the expectation that I can do what I like and that show them what i got. Why can I not have that when living at home? What can you do to make things right? I also just havent bought anything like this for a while as usually i get digital stuff so im just out of habit. My parents sometimes says im childish yet they treat me like a child so how can I really grow beyond it. It feels very restricting, yet I dont get those privileges even that id get as a child so its even worse.
Also I did manage to finally talk briefly to that friend that upset me some time ago. I wasn't brave enough to spill the exact details, there would have been too much to say tbh because it was so terrible to me, really really brought me down at a time when I was feeling most vulnerable they did so many horrible things in one day. I only managed to say as far as that it was upsetting i didnt like how he was and that he was hard to talk to. But I mostly just asked if everything was okay. He did apologise though. As for seeing him again idk if i feel comfortable yet.
It's stressful to think about something that isnt even available yet and I hadnt even decided if i wanted it?
It’s good to hear that you addressed with your friend how they made you feel, does it feel a relief to have talked about it with them? I’m hearing you’re not sure if you want to see them again though - do you feel some kind of obligation to this person? It sounds a little like they are not adding positively to your life at the moment, would that be fair to say?
But I mentioned that I wanted to get so and so game (when it is available) and they just acted like I didnt even say anything at all even though they listened to every other sentence I said literally about games b4 that one and they just moved onto to talking about something else. Like what I said never happened and i dont think its that they didnt hear me. I think that is very rude. Its not the only time its happened so its not just a fluke. They have also done the same about a friend they weren't keen on me meeting cuz they are far away. Which is a bad way to deal with anything..
Like I said i am happy to buy the game with my own money..
I just don't like it that it seems like they are acting like I never said anything. I mention there is a new game b4 and they just ignore me outright. Even though they used to listen to me.
If i buy game start playing the game I know they can't do anything lmao but its just like I feel bad like why should it feel like I should have to hide it. But it also makes it more complicated cuz i cant just order the game to house id have to go out and get it, and im not sure there are any shops near work so id specifically have to go for that. I also kind of want to share me playing the game maybe thats weird but yeah, still i will be playing on it so they will find out either way unless i lie and say im playing something older but id feel guilty. I just want to be honest and not want to lie about something as simple as playing a game I bought. It feels very unfair that I have to and not have an open conversation, its not really something that should need to be kept private, ya know.
Maybe it's because I already have a similar game or they think im too busy with work. But I haven't bought a new game in over a year actually 2 years. Surely there is nothing odd about buying just one game.. and idk what to say to them now just feels like im being ignored. I could tell them i havent had a game in a long time and i just want to go get one.
Maybe when it does come out i will just say it like im going out to buy it or something but its just sad every time i mention it gets ignored and I dunno it gives me less willpower to do it and puts me off. Or i say i will but im not sure still about it but i also feel pressure cuz a friend will get the game to play too but he said as soon as he is done with it he is going to sell the game which gives me not much time to get it if i do. It is almost stressful as I dont usually put a time limit myself on completing a game.
But yeah im not sure how to talk about feeling restricted in general cuz i feel like id just be gaslit into be told oh what are u even talking about, it is nonsense from the way iv'e already been ignored. Would just make me feel worse.
As for the friend it's kinda meh. I haven't seen him since anyway but he has been very busy. Maybe at some point id like to meet and do something fun and even the idea he put forward for next time was interesting..
But after he did all those things (so many horrible things in just one day?) It is a worry. He did apologise but ofc i didnt tell the full extent of things. He said he was feeling better from stress.. but i just don't have much faith in him.
I have always kept it sort of shallow tbh even tho i do have the some conversation thats tries to be interesting.
I remember I brought up mental health and how people need to talk sometimes they choose to do it with a professional (not about me personally I think it was to do with the pandemic). And he just laughed I dunno I said well its like a paid friend but sometimes its good to talk.
He works in health so I dont really understand why he thinks that way.
He isn't really much involved with my life anyway we talk here and there over text and just meet up from time to time, he did say some nice things for my birthday which I appreciate and got me some snacks (on a seperate occasion). But those things don't really make up for this kind of thing. I also found it annoying in the past he likes to wind up people and like i just want to chill ya know, i have to kinda play neutral and grey rock him. But its just stressful to have to do that. He said he is just messing but when he gets in that mood (he doesnt do it everytime we meet) he goes on for a bit. I also tried to give him a taste of his own medicine which worked to some extent i saw him react out of it lol but i dont know it seems silly to have to do any of this, I asked him why do you act like that and he seemed like he just gets a rise out of it. I also dont like some of his jokes over whatsapp felt personal not like deeply lol just annoying like using ur name and stuff tho thats another thing. I feel like why u trying to be so buddy buddy and weird lol. Main reason we hang out is to do interesting things but as friends idk I don't mind being like shallower friends just don't want people to be mean, stealing my stuff to cause stress or putting me down. Or making fun of my hurt foot several times repeatdly (which since got better). But the first time wasnt funny its just gets more annoying each time. I just ignored what he said but maybe i should have come out straight and said it is rude.
Agree it’s really quite rude of them to just ignore something you say, whether they like it or not. I wonder if they are scared about having an argument and so just avoiding it - do you think that might be right? It’s really not a helpful way of dealing with things though as you get no closure, and no wonder you are feeling worried about it now. You mentioned you would rather have an open conversation - how would you feel about bringing it up with them but acknowledging what’s going on if they ignore you again? No pressure of course but you just never know.
About your friend - that sounds like a difficult and quite confusing one for you. On one hand, you spend time together and do fun and interesting things, but on the other it sounds like you need to be quite on edge with how he will react to things and treat you? Laughing at you and being nasty aren’t great traits for a close friend, but like you say I always think this kind of person can be ok as long as you keep it shallow. Because you may end up getting hurt by them otherwise if they continue to be nasty but you want them to be a close friend. If that makes sense? Do you think he does it on purpose to get a rise out of you? Particularly if you’ve ignored what he’s said in the past you might think about trying a different technique and seeing how he reacts if you do tell him straight up that he’s being rude?!
I think they just thought the particular game was childish for some reason I said a lot of adults play it lol. Still I want to be able to talk about things more openly in the future so I still have work to do on it I guess. Its annoying when u do get ignored its happened b4 for other situations to me.
For the friend I feel like he didn't mean any of it.. and yet it really was bad. He did apologise (to the extent i brought it up over text) but again Id probably want to bring it up again in person at least try to its hard to really talk about this stuff over text. But im waiting to feel better im already mostly so but I got other things on my mind atm. But yeah i defo want to hang out again I don't want anything even remotely similar to happen again. I dont think something as bad will since he was just going through a bad spot and it feels like a coping strategy or defense mechanism. On the otherhand I dont want anything even slightly mean especially after being pushed over the edge like that. Yea I guess being upfront might work but yer i guess just got to try things. And I don't really want to be close just like going to fun places together, they aren't really willing to always be fully honest themselves anyway so i dun think I can be.
I wouldnt say they are nasty on average though this event has made them seem a worse person regardless of whether they were under stress. And yer some of his actions are to get a rise out of ppl he said it himself.
One thing they said was when i was talking about how the journey to work is annoying and long. He commented like in a way was like oh didnt you know where it was before u accepted mockingly.
After i was so upset after the way he treated previously and talked about my new work (he made it seem like i was a fool) i reacted in this way angrily. Im sure i could have not said anything or whatever but it was also just there to make a point more than anything.
Im feeling sensitive at this time work is been difficult getting used to. Surely this is not the time to make jokes and it didnt feel like a slight tease but felt mocking. Which i dont do so its not fair.
Btw at the time i didnt really even want to accept the job but i felt pressured cuz its a good opportuntity and i had so many rejections.. it wasnt a job i chose something a recruiter got me. But okay its something i can learn from i suppose.. and good money. Its been stressful so far and im not sure whats happenin im quite junior after all but its a bit chaotic and i feel like im always supposed to be doing work yet im not sure what i should be even tho i ask. If i don't do much they still ask everyday and its hard to think of much to say if i dont. It feels like pressure on me.
But back to the friend I just think really what was he thinking. He said over text he was looking forward to hear from me and stuff but i cant believe it when he acts like this.
Also later on he kinda leaned on me weirdly i guess jokingly but its uncomfortable (i mean in the sense it hurts my body as he heavy) i said it hurting my shoulders and i had some issues there b4 then he said something like oh what havent u hurt then. Like felt so rude.
I dunno when i next see him but i dunno i dun know if i want to he said he is busy tho but i can recah out sometime but i dun really want to so soon at least maybe 6 months time lol. He said somethin about seeing his friends tho maybe thats better but dunno when and that would work. Either way i feel just a bit done with him the stuff he suggests and does is fun but especially at this sensitive time, it feels specific and targeted tbh to get some kind of reaction. My other friend said he sounds very immature.
He isnt even doing well at work himself but maybe that is making him more that way idk its juts hurtful for me. At this time i want someone who can listen to me or if not just be chill or not so annoying or rude (unless genuinely just having a laugh and not constant).
So yeah idk
Also been stressed from family and sometimes anger is leading me to break stuff which sucks its not something i did b4 but a coping mechanism i got from pandemic family stress just being too much but also an abusive friend (who eventually ghosted me). She had anger issues she put on me and stuff and she talked about this kind of thing violence and idk i got like this. But it gets worse cuz sometimes im breaking stuff that's dangerous to me its things i have around me that is unsafe and hard to avoid. Idk is there any tips for me.
Maybe i could get something to take anger out or just channel
It only lasts temporarily but i really need to get the stress out in moment otherwise it ends up stuck in me unhealthily. But maybe a better way to do it that doesnt lead to either breaking stuff or hurtijg my self accidentally (no i dont ever directly try to harm myself its just that). I know some ppl punch pillow but i dont feel like thats enough to me i want to really put force into something its so stressful... maybe also i can try react to things better and not make ppl so angry. Its hard when ur stuck in house so often and u feel restricted some how. And the pandemic affects are still here you know.. but yeah i dont need the issues from that friend on top. His fun activities are really enjoyable but i cant deal with the way he has been of late.
I'm glad to see that you enjoyed the meet up with your friend overall, despite a few grievances.
I understand that it must be pretty deflating and humiliating to feel mocked by someone who is supposed to support you. It makes sense that this is especially difficult whilst you're transitioning into your new position. It seems as if the adaptation period has been quite stressful, how are you feeling about your job now?
Regarding the leaning causing you some discomfort (which was then denied by your friend), it seems as if your feelings are yet again perhaps not being taken into consideration or prioritised. Sometimes friends mean such interactions in a jovial way, but when it feels undermining or hurtful, this can be quite upsetting. It's understandable that you might want to create some healthy space between the two of you. You are deserving of having supportive and caring friendships.
It looks as if you're having some difficulties with managing your frustrations. It's great that you've been able to recognise the need to release your anger in a healthy manner, this is a wonderful first step. How do you feel about exerting your need for breaking things in a sporting environment, perhaps via a martial art of some kind? This can create a positive context in which your needs are met. Alternatively, we are able to signpost you to some resources which may provide you with some support. I will attach a few below:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anger/treatment-and-support/
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/anger/
Take care.