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inpatient experience rant
abbey17
Posts: 17 Settling in
I was an inpatient three years ago, and for whatever reason I recently haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. It was a really difficult time, I was exposed to things I never could have even imagined. I did some things I really regret, I think a part of me never really processed it all, as it happened so fast and I wasn’t myself. I didn’t engage in treatment and made no progress, I’m feel as if I’m basically in the same position as I was then. I kept in contact with some of the other patients who were there with me at the time, they are all doing so well and have really done since being discharged. I don’t know what’s wrong me with and why I can’t just choose recovery. I was always asked “what do you want out of this admission?”, “what is it that you want?” “What are your goals?” I honestly had no clue, and still don’t. I always felt like there was a right or wrong answer. I never felt about to commit.
I was discharged from mental health services not long after my discharged from inpatient, I was essential left with no support, literally just got a letter one day saying I was no longer with the services. To give some context this was April 2020, I didn’t struggle too much during lockdown but didn’t get any better. I recently found it was common for the clinic to just discharged people who wouldn’t reach their goals or made progress in the a timeframe of like 7 sessions, so we’re essentially discharged with no support and no forewarning, in some senses I’m finally glad I got closure. But it’s devastating be frustrating of course, I don’t really blame the clinic, as it was clearly due to funding and staff shortage, but surely they can you better, this is still an issue and only gonna get worse by the looks of things.
I have been tempted to see a private therapist, I feel like I could do with a fresh start, and would need the long term support. But I’m still so terrified of being so vulnerable, I’m also unsure whether I could actually commit. Im so tired of feeling like this, it so crippling and debilitating. There’s a part of me that’s wished I would have just engaged in my inpatient treatment because I had so much support and resources and really could have changed my life, but instead I just wasted four months in a hospital, still thinking about it three years on. I replay all the moments and just cringe and scream at myself, “why didn’t U just say what you were thinking?”, “why didn’t you just tell the truth?” “Why didn’t you do that, that’s so cringe, people will thinking of you differently?” I realise how difficult I was
Everyone has moved on, but I’m still crippled by it all, it never quite clicked how traumatic the whole thing was, until I moved to uni . I saw my accommodation room and immediately thought of my hospital bedroom, (didn’t help that both mattresses are as hard as rocks 😂)
I didn’t realise how much trust, freedom, respect and liberty I lost in hospital, I didn’t realise how unnature that environment was.
I was very naive about mental health and the services as a whole as I was very new to it all the time, I have gained a lot of insight, which has helped. But there I times were I wish I was still ignorant to it all, I had no clue something was wrong with me, could just move on so quickly. Now there’s another layer of complexity, that’s makes me spiral
I was discharged from mental health services not long after my discharged from inpatient, I was essential left with no support, literally just got a letter one day saying I was no longer with the services. To give some context this was April 2020, I didn’t struggle too much during lockdown but didn’t get any better. I recently found it was common for the clinic to just discharged people who wouldn’t reach their goals or made progress in the a timeframe of like 7 sessions, so we’re essentially discharged with no support and no forewarning, in some senses I’m finally glad I got closure. But it’s devastating be frustrating of course, I don’t really blame the clinic, as it was clearly due to funding and staff shortage, but surely they can you better, this is still an issue and only gonna get worse by the looks of things.
I have been tempted to see a private therapist, I feel like I could do with a fresh start, and would need the long term support. But I’m still so terrified of being so vulnerable, I’m also unsure whether I could actually commit. Im so tired of feeling like this, it so crippling and debilitating. There’s a part of me that’s wished I would have just engaged in my inpatient treatment because I had so much support and resources and really could have changed my life, but instead I just wasted four months in a hospital, still thinking about it three years on. I replay all the moments and just cringe and scream at myself, “why didn’t U just say what you were thinking?”, “why didn’t you just tell the truth?” “Why didn’t you do that, that’s so cringe, people will thinking of you differently?” I realise how difficult I was
Everyone has moved on, but I’m still crippled by it all, it never quite clicked how traumatic the whole thing was, until I moved to uni . I saw my accommodation room and immediately thought of my hospital bedroom, (didn’t help that both mattresses are as hard as rocks 😂)
I didn’t realise how much trust, freedom, respect and liberty I lost in hospital, I didn’t realise how unnature that environment was.
I was very naive about mental health and the services as a whole as I was very new to it all the time, I have gained a lot of insight, which has helped. But there I times were I wish I was still ignorant to it all, I had no clue something was wrong with me, could just move on so quickly. Now there’s another layer of complexity, that’s makes me spiral
1
Comments
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
Firstly, well done for reaching out to the community that’s really brave of you. You mention were an inpatient three years ago and that you felt like in that time you didn’t engage in treatment. I am also hearing that once you were discharged from inpatient you were left with no support. That sounds really frustrating to be left with no support.
I am hearing that now you have been tempted to see a private therapist. It’s been a couple of days since you posted this, how are you feeling about seeing a private therapist now?
I am hearing that you have gained a lot of insight into mental health and services how, I think that is really positive. Echoing what @Kate_20 has said how would you feel about speaking to someone at uni and seeing if you can get any support there in the meantime?