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Issues I have been experiencing today :(
Hello. I have not had a great day.
I was feeling angry that I had to wash up the cooking utensils my sister used when she cooked dinner. I was then having an imaginary thought about my dad putting his arms around me, watching me washing up to mock me. It just felt like he was enjoying the entertainment. An emotional flashback was triggered about when my brother shouted at me for being angry about the responsibility of washing up being placed on me, which left me feeling like resentment because he turned the situation on me. I was then imagining sharing with one of my support workers the unfairness of toxic people being able to hurt those around them, whilst the victim has to be the one to do something. My support worker was treating me like I was coming to him with a trivial issue.
I was on my laptop writing about how I have been journaling the difficulties I have experienced at home. Then, my brother came in talking to me, walked towards the steers and asked me what I was doing on my computer. Then, he kept asking if I have been sharing how him and my parents have been making me feel, with mental health professionals. He said that I am not going through any family issues, which invalidated my feelings, when I know that I have been. I was also feeling like I am going crazy. I am usually criticised for feeling upset about something they have said. So, it is reasonable for me to want to share my feelings outside of my home. However, I feel that I have done the wrong thing because my mentor at university questioned me about how it would have made my dad feel when I shared how he has upset with a helpline.
I watched a GP television programme and it ended up affecting me. Two patient’s blood pressure results were not at what the GP wanted it to be. The first patient in particular made me worried about my own when I get stressed quite often. This situation made me feel a particular way, but I do not know how to describe the words for it. I ended up imagining it when facing my fear of spiders, shocking my parents. A receptionist said unfortunately there is no quick fix to patients’ problems, which felt like she said the statement 'that is life', which feels blunt. This comment triggered an imaginary thought about my dad saying that he hopes I am not just seeing a professional about the first comment, my support worker at university and others saying that it is true. I was then having a thought about my dad telling me to sit up straight and giving me looks and telling me that I am going to meet people who will say things as it, criticising my sensitivity.