tw. weight/body image

Former Member

im sorry if these things i am saying are getting quite repetitive
but i still feel really uneasy about it

is it inherently bad to want to lose weight for aesthetic reasons?
or start taking care of my skin so its clear and not spotty?
im just so sick of not feeling pretty and beautiful
i just want boys to ask me out
and all those other things pretty people get

i just still feel like the only way i will feel pretty is if i conform to what society thinks is pretty
no other way

and i just dont know what to do anymore
i just feel so ugly and i dont think i will ever like myself this way
but i dont want to change myself because i feel like im betraying myself and being "fake"
and i berate myself because of it

Former Member

Hi @orangejuice

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, it must be really difficult.

I don't think it is bad that you want to look differently for aesthetic reasons, I think it is a normal human instinct to want to look like societies version of 'pretty'. However, I think comparing ourselves to people and not loving ourselves for who we are is draining in the long term.

Some days we may like what we see in the mirror and other days we might not, but it is better if we don't attach emotion to the times we don't like what we see. We can try to be neutral about our appearance, I know it is difficult to train our mind to be more loving towards ourselves, but hopefully over time it will become a habit that we are comfortable with how we look.

I know how difficult it is to compare yourself to others, it might be worth taking a break from social media where you are not constantly comparing. This is something that helps me when I am starting to dislike the way I look.

I hope this helps

Former Member

Hey @orangejuice no need to apologise 💜

Firstly I dont think either of the thoughts you mentioned are inherently bad, it’s just human, we can never be perfect and it frustrates us. It doesn’t mean you have to act on those feelings though - they may come and go.

orangejuice wrote: »

but i dont want to change myself because i feel like im betraying myself and being "fake"
and i berate myself because of it

I hear you. It’s really tough having conflicting thoughts like this, but to me, it sounds like the thought of betraying yourself and being fake feels stronger? Would that be fair to say?

The good news is there are lots and lots of ways to be pretty without feeling like you have to compromise your values or change yourself. Real beauty comes in many shapes and forms, it’s not all the same 💜 there is an article from an amazing body positive advocate here in case any of it helps https://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/body-image-and-self-esteem/i-was-made-for-more-than-chasing-thinness-28144.html

Take care
Lucy