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I don't like myself

Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 657 Incredible Poster
in Health & Wellbeing
I don't like myself and I know that I can never be normal again. I will always be the shameful person that I hate. I don't deserve anything. I am not smart enough. The suffering will never end.
Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    I don't like myself and I know that I can never be normal again. I will always be the shameful person that I hate. I don't deserve anything. I am not smart enough. The suffering will never end.

    Hi.

    I know you feel like things won't ever end but they will, it takes time for suffering to calm down but things will and do get better. Taking time to look after yourself is the best option to see things get better, but have you got support?

    Brandon.
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 657 Incredible Poster
    I don't have support atm. I tried but I failed. I feel hideously alone. Nothing about the future is real. I am easily drained around people.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    I don't have support atm. I tried but I failed. I feel hideously alone. Nothing about the future is real. I am easily drained around people.

    Do you feel safe? Have you got friends or family you could talk to? You could also get a doctor to refer you to support.
  • Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 657 Incredible Poster
    I don't need a doctor, I need friends. I do have friends but they are not with me. I've not been living like a real person.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    Kate_20 wrote: »
    I don't need a doctor, I need friends. I do have friends but they are not with me. I've not been living like a real person.

    Have you got anyone who can support you today?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 375 Listening Ear
    No one deserves to feel the way you do Kate. Sometimes it can take ages to learn to like yourself. Self-love doesn't come easy, but it is a journey worth taking. If self-love is too much of a big ask at the moment, try to learn self-tolerance, learn to be okay with yourself and focus on appreciating what your eyes can see. You learn to accept the parts of yourself you're not so keen on that can't change and you learn to work out how to fix the parts of yourself you can. And then you learn how to take pride in that, no matter how small. You learn how to appreciate the parts you do like about yourself and when you realise those parts, it's empowering. When those sort of feelings happen, parts of it sticks, like residue almost, but you learn how to cope with it, ease that pain. You eventually realise "hell yeah, I can live my life!" despite everything. You say you're not smart but anyone can be smart if they put in the effort. It doesn't have to be academically, it could be through creativity, thinking outside the box, doing the things you enjoy. Are there any hobbies that you do? If not, is there any that you're interested in?

    You say that you don't need a doctor, you need friends. Making friends is easier when you're okay with how and who you are and seeing a doctor could be that first step. A doctor may know what might help you out, for example having counselling sessions. It may help you feel more confident in the long run, make you feel more comfortable in social situations because you would know how to cope with them and know how to recharge your batteries when you start feeling drained. It could help you feel more connected to your friends or be able to connect with other people.

    Please know you're not alone, we are here for you <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    Hey @Kate_20

    Thank you for sharing. When you say you've tried to ask for support but failed, what kind of support were you referring to? Where are your friends based? Like spoon said, it can be easier to make friends when you are feeling yourself and well enough, so a doctor might be able to refer you to certain therapies. Can I ask what reservations you have about seeing a doctor?

    When you say the word normal, what do you think is normal? Sometimes we don't fit in in ways that we want to, but everyone is different and that is what makes humanity beautiful.

    Self love is the goal, but if that's too daunting to think about then if you feel up to it, every morning, start your day by rephrasing your original post. Instead of 'I don't like myself, I don't deserve anything, I am not smart enough, the suffering will never end', write 'I like myself, I deserve everything, I am smart enough, the suffering will end'. I believe that when we doubt ourselves like this it manifests and we actually speak it into existence, so even if you don't actually believe it, re writing it to be positive I feel will be the start of a healing journey.

    Stay strong <3
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