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Hi
Former Member
Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
I am Cobralily. Pardon my odd way of typing and excessive politeness.
This is Kali.
This is Kali.
2
Comments
I struggle with painful amounts of loneliness, severe trust issues, anxiety, depression, PTSD, trauma, emotional numbness, emotional pain, and 13 years of unprocessed pain and emotions. I do not have any close friends(and very few friends in general)so talking to people about it is way too awkward and personal for them and no one listens that long. I cannot trust therapists since all but one left me with more trauma. The one that did not only saw me for a few weeks before(figuratively)sending me off with a pat on the head saying I have great coping skills and I don’t need her. I am very good at hiding my problems. Too good. No one could spot the signs with a microscope. No one has. I am great at helping others and spotting the pain in them when they are as good at hiding it as I am(or don’t even know it’s there), but I cannot ask for help myself, even when I am dying on the inside. No one sees it. Many don’t care to. I honestly wanted to commit suicide when I 8-9 years old, but I thought of all the pets I had. Two of my chihuahuas hated everyone but me and most of my other pets had specialized care requirements and would die shortly after I did since I was the only one who knew how to care for them. And I feared the consequences my mother would probably face for my decision. Besides, she couldn’t survive without me;) I also thought of self harm and running away, but again, those thoughts stopped me. I was honestly losing my sanity.
My father is a narcissist who emotionally and mentally terrorized me all my life. He cheated on my mother and they divorced when I was 4-5 years old. The visits with him were absolute hell and this “justice” system didn’t care. They permitted it and even forced it. Mental and emotional abuse does not leave physical marks, it cannot be proven to the court and nobody cares. My father would come up with any reason he could find to start a court battle and drag me in the middle of it. He used all of my characteristics and traits against me. He would twist my words into something he could use. He even used my physical build. To give an idea, I am currently 5’ 8” tall and 120 pounds. Naturally. I have filled out noticeably since my childhood. My ribs and spine were naturally very visible, and it was practically impossible for me to gain weight. He loved to play the malnourishment card in court. If I were to type up everything he did, I could fill out a 20+ page document. He always made himself seem like the poor war veteran who was trying to save his damaged daughter from her insane Hispanic mother. In my preteen years he was trying to save the world from is sociopathic daughter who killed animals for fun and physically harmed people. And everyone believed him. No one believed me when I tried to tell them what he did to me.
It has been a year since I was finally able to cut off communications. I am trying to be better, but he is always a threatening presence at the corners of my existence. All of my nightmares are about him and his fabulous new wife(the b#%@&
P.S. I had some issues logging back in so sorry it took so long to respond!
Kali is very cute! 🐢