I'm giving up on dating

LowTrekker

Since my 19th Birthday I've been hopping in-and-out of the dating scene, and--while I've met many good women and I've been on many dates--I've gotten to a point where I just don't want to date anymore. Maybe because this is down to my diagnosis on the autism spectrum, but lately I feel like I'm not getting 'it'. I've become exhausted from the constant need to check and balance what I do: Compliment her but not too much, reply to her messages quickly but not too quickly, give her personal space but not be too distant, respect her boundaries, even at the expense of yours...the list goes on. And after two of my dates have decided to go for the other guy, I feel (frankly) depressed and infuriated with myself. It feels like I'm just not ideal for anyone, and its getting tough to talk to my family about this whenever they ask "if I'm seeing anyone" or "why am I still single?"

Ultimetley, I want to ask everyone if I should quit dating altogether, if (at least) for a while? Does anyone have any words for those who're trying so hard to be themselves, and doing everything as right as possible, but are at the end of the tether with dating?

kaii

Hey @LowTrekker ,

Firstly, welcome to TheMix, it's lovely to meet you. I'm very sorry that you feel like this.

Please don't feel like you're incapable of dating because you are someone with autism. Having autism doesn't make you any less deserving of being loved by someone special.

It seems that you are a very thoughtful person as you did what you had to do to make them happy. I understand how draining this can be to your energy, especially when you have given plenty of yourself for the sake of their happiness. May I ask, did the people you date respect your boundaries as well?

You must feel very upset after knowing that your two dates decided to go for other guys - it may leave you thinking that you're not good enough for anyone. I hope you don't let these thoughts swallow you up. It seems like those dates weren't the right ones for you and this is completely fine. You will find the person who you want to be with - and this will take a lot of time.

I'm sorry that your family gives you a lot a pressure when it comes to dating. Please remember that we all live different lives and that there is no rush for you to find the right person.

It may help to quit dating for a while, so that you can recover by doing some self-care maybe. You could also reflect if there were any mistakes you made when you were dating. When you do date again, you could discuss about boundaries - being mindful and kind to yourself whilst also being aware of the other's boundaries.

You are trying your best and that's all that matters. I hope everything will turn out okay for you. ^^

luce_kate19

Hi @LowTrekker I'm sorry that your experience of dating has been challenging, but I promise you that you are not the only one feeling this way! Dating can be hard - trying to put your best foot forwards all the time is tiring, but somebody will like you for you, without you having to feel exhausted and put your boundaries aside.

The fact that you are reflecting on your experiences and trying to make the people you date happy, just shows how much you care and somebody will appreciate that. Just because you haven't met that person yet, doesn't mean they aren't out there.

It could help to take a little break and start to focus on what you want in a person and also what you like about yourself! Then when you feel comfortable to dip your toes back into dating again, absolutely keep being yourself, but just take a moment every now and then to check in with yourself and make sure you're not draining yourself. Or perhaps evaluate whether the other person is matching your efforts and energy so that you can invest your time into the right people.

I honestly hope everything turns out great for you - you deserve it!

chloe224488

Hey @LowTrekker dating can be really difficult and I'm sorry that you feel like this, but I can promise you your not alone!

You will find the person who you want to be with but this can take time. It is important to remember to still be yourself and not to feel like you have to change to find someone. It can be helpful to take a break from dating to reflect on what you are looking for in a relationship and what you have learned from your previous dating experiences. It might be helpful to take some time to focus on things you enjoy doing or even try a new activity as in the future this may be a great way to meet new people

I understand that it can feel like there is a lot of pressure to be in a relationship especially when you are surrounded by others who are, but the most important thing to remember is that there is no rush to find someone. It is much better to find a person well suited to you than to feel like you have to change to suit another person

I hope everything turns out great for u!