Think I may have broken the law by messaging a 16 year old

Former Member

Hi

I recently met a girl on an app that lets you share Snapchat usernames. You have to be over 18 to use the app and the girl had listed her age as 21 (I'm 26). We began talking and she eventually admitted her real age was 16. Despite this I was still attracted to her and we carried on messaging. Some of the messages were sexual in nature but no photos of genitalia were exchanged (although I did send the occasional topless photo).

A few days ago my Snapchat account was permanently disabled by Snapchat. I'm sure this has something to do with me talking to an underage girl, and I think they are reporting me to the authorities. I was wondering what kind of punishment I can expect for this?

For what it's worth, I realise it was immoral and I'm seeking therapy because I'm ashamed by the fact I was attracted to this girl despite her age.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

independent_

I’m an adult now, but I’ve been that underage girl at the other end of a similar situation, although the man in question was much much older. I don’t have much advice, I guess all you can do now is never contact her again, and it may be a case of wait and see. Someone may know more about the reporting system than I do, but the therapy sounds like a good idea regardless.

The trouble with these apps is when people lie about their age, it puts everyone at risk because others believe they are talking to an adult, which puts them in an awkward position and puts these young girls at risk. I think the social media apps have a huge part to play in this too tbh.

JustV

independent_ wrote: »

I’m an adult now, but I’ve been that underage girl at the other end of a similar situation, although the man in question was much much older. I don’t have much advice, I guess all you can do now is never contact her again, and it may be a case of wait and see. Someone may know more about the reporting system than I do, but the therapy sounds like a good idea regardless.

The trouble with these apps is when people lie about their age, it puts everyone at risk because others believe they are talking to an adult, which puts them in an awkward position and puts these young girls at risk. I think the social media apps have a huge part to play in this too tbh.

Totally agree with @independent_ here ^

@helpmepls despite a lapse in judgement that you admitted, it sounds like you're doing the right thing by getting introspective. We all make mistakes but what defines our character is what we do afterwards, and getting therapy sounds like a responsible step forward.

I also just want to acknowledge that her lying to you about her age makes the situation a bit more complicated and her manipulation also wasn't okay. It's not uncommon for young girls to do that though, and @independent_ said, it puts other people at risk as well as them.

Unfortunately, I don't think we have the expertise within this community to offer you any solid advice on why your account was disabled or what that could mean legally. I don't suppose you've asked Snapchat directly if they can tell you what happened?

In The Mix's article about the age of consent, there's this info:

Lots of relationships start with sexting and sending sexy photos, but this is where the law gets REALLY confusing:

• This may seem extreme, but any sexy photo of someone under the age of 18 is considered a paedophilic image in the eyes of the law.
• Sexy messages as well as photos could count as ‘sexual activity’ in the age of consent law.
• So, if either of you is under 18, sexting is considered illegal – even though you can have actual sex at 16.

People who are 18 or over are dealt with more severely in the law. This is because age gaps can cause power imbalances in a relationship, which may, in some cases, lead to abusive behavior.

You can also check out sexual consent and the law for more info.

The one thing I would stress here though is that age of consent law exists primarily to protect children and young people from predators, and it tends not to be enforced indiscriminately.

For example, police probably aren't going to prosecute two young people close in age for having consensual sex, even if one of them is 15 and one is 16 (which is technically illegal). And likewise with this situation, even if the police did get wind of what happened (I have no idea if they will), they might look at the situation in context and judge that you're not a raving sexual predator.

I'm not saying it was okay to continue talking to her once you knew her age - you yourself have admitted that was wrong - just that the situation might not be as damning as you think.

Where has this left you emotionally?

Former Member

Mike wrote: »

Where has this left you emotionally?

Thank you for the response. I am not doing too great, I have a lot of anxiety right now and am not sleeping or eating well, and I can't focus on my job.

I am struggling to talk to friends and family because I know how ashamed they'd be if I was prosecuted for being a pedophile. I do not think I'd be able to face any of them again if they found out.

Former Member

I will offer an objective response. The issue for you is that you continued talking to the child after she told you she was underage. This is a tactic often used by the police to catch sex offenders - if you had stopped talking to them when she told you she was sixteen, you would not be guilty of anything. Unfortunately, you continued talking to her so if you have been discovered or if the person behind the girl’s account was actually the police, you will be questioned. Therapy is definitely a good idea for you. I would recommend not using these apps if you don’t trust yourself not to talk to children.

Former Member

helpmepls wrote: »

I am not doing too great, I have a lot of anxiety right now and am not sleeping or eating well, and I can't focus on my job.

I am struggling to talk to friends and family because I know how ashamed they'd be if I was prosecuted for being a pedophile. I do not think I'd be able to face any of them again if they found out.

My heart is with you so is everyones on here

mod edit: formatting fix

Former Member

helpmepls wrote: »

I am not doing too great, I have a lot of anxiety right now and am not sleeping or eating well, and I can't focus on my job.

I am struggling to talk to friends and family because I know how ashamed they'd be if I was prosecuted for being a pedophile. I do not think I'd be able to face any of them again if they found out.

Hi there,

The advice given is helpful so I won't add anything much on but, I am sorry you are feeling really low because of what's happened, even with what's happened we are here for you throughout your journey.

It's scary feelings knowing what you've done could get you charged, I know she lied about her age, but I'm not denying what you did was right but I am here to support you.

Have you spoken to your therapist about these emotions that you're facing right now? Telling them is beneficial because they can give you immediate help and then hopefully things will start to improve.

Obviously actions can't be un-done unfortunately, but making your life as calm and peaceful is your better option then drewlling on this as its not good for your mental health wellbeing, is there anything you enjoy, e.g writing, walking, reading etc? Taking your mind of things might help, stay safe

Stay safe

Leila

mod edit: formatting fix

Former Member

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Past User

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Former Member

Are you in the us or uk? age of consent is 16 and in america it varies from state to state, and she lied about her age to you, also I doubt your account was deleted because of that, sometimes my accounts have been deleted for no reason.

Past User

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