Therapy and memories

One-in-a-million

So I mentioned in another thread that I was worried my therapist would start to think I’m over reacting or that it’s happened to much so couldn’t possibly happen again. By this I mean something happened at school then in college something similar happened then when I was out with a drink with a friend something happened with a stranger then again something took place. It’s like “how do these things keep on happening?” And it sounds selfish but makes me think “why me, what am I doing wrong for this to keep happening.” Or am I being too sensitive none of this was rape or sexual assault.. I don’t think I don’t know I feel so conflicted..

But during our last session I briefly spoke about being groomed for a short time where a man was trying to meet up with him so we could make babies together “gross” and said that I blocked him etc. but this has triggered something and I don’t know if it’s real or not? I have a memory of someone online sending me a d pick and asking what I’d do with it if they were in my room. I can’t fully place the memory as to when it happened but know that I’ve got feelings surrounding it, is it possible that I’d forgotten about it or that I’ve subconsciously made it up? I don’t know where the memory came from and I don’t know if I should mention it or not? What if I’ve made it up?

Riley

This all sounds very upsetting @One-in-a-million and it makes total sense that you would be worried about these things. Obviously I can't speak for your therapist but I think they would be very understanding with you if you talked these things through with them, that's why you're there after all.

Even if it does turn out that this memory didn't really happen (trauma can have a lot of really strange effects on your mind after all) it could be helpful to talk it through with your therapist anyway just to get all those feelings out in the open. Of course if you'd rather just ignore it and move on that's totally fine too, but I really don't think your therapist would be mad or upset with you for bringing it up.

The fact that you felt able to talk about these things here on the boards is a really good sign and you should be proud of yourself for being brave enough to do so. I hope you're able to keep sharing going forward either here or with your therapist!

Brookee

Hey @One-in-a-million,

I can hear just how overwhelming and distressing these experiences have been for you. It's perfectly understandable to feel this way when you've been through something that's caused you so much pain and hurt. I wanted to let you know that I believe you, and your reactions are not an overreaction at all. Your feelings are completely valid and important.

It can be really difficult when dealing with traumatic experiences as trauma manifests differently for each of us, and it doesn't mean what you think happened isn't real. I think if you're worried, it may be a good idea to try and discuss this situation with your therapist if you feel that would be good for you, as it may help you process what's been triggered for you. Sometimes our brains can make us forget really traumatic or hurtful memories or situations so it's perfectly plausible that this could've happened to you and your brain has blocked it to protect you.

Thank you for reaching out and sharing this with us, I know it can be difficult to talk about and it takes incredible strength to do this. You're very brave and I'm sending you no end of love!

One-in-a-million

Thank you so much guys, it’s weird I wonder wether I should just let it go and tbh it’s not as if it bothers me constantly it’s just now and then something will happen and it kind of brings it up. It’s kind of a weird feeling if I’m honest.

Brookee

Hey @One-in-a-million
It's perfectly understandable to feel this way, and it's okay to struggle to manage these feelings. Trauma manifests differently for each person. I'm wondering how you'd feel about talking to your therapist about this?

One-in-a-million

Thank you so much guys,
I brought some of it up in my last session and honestly it was quite helpful