Anyone Else Feel That Romance Isn't Suitable For Them?

Former Member

If this is the wrong place to talk about this I do apologize and would appreciate if anyone is able to direct me where I can air this post if it's not allowed here, I am just looking for a safe and friendly place where I am able to talk about this without judgement.

All this information in this post is just only about all my own overall experience with all girls I have come across all my life as a trans guy growing up regarding the romance scene and I have always felt alone in this situation and was just wondering if anyone else here has ever experienced the same type of rejection from girls all their life?

I have been single all my life and I have never been on a date before and have never had a girlfriend not even once, I have never been a catch to any girls and have never been appealing enough to any girls taste at all.

The Reasons Why I Have Always Been Undateable
(And why I always will be.) ...

* Not Good Looking (Not attractive.)

* No Tattoos (Don't like them on myself not my style of fashion.)

* Not Hench (I'm a cardio person only.)

* Don't Ever Want Children (Parenting is not my kind of lifestyle.)

* Trans Guy Not A Cis Guy (Girls have always told me they prefer cis guys over trans guys they tell me the reason is because cis guys are better at sex to them.)

* Don't Drive (Being a driver is not for me i prefer bicycles or transport.)

* Non Smoker And Intolerant To Smoking (Girls sense sissy vibes from this trait/persona and view this as unmanly/unmasculine and gutless.)

I am not trying to berate girls for their preferences in romance and have no intention in doing so at all, no absolutely not, this is just only about my own experience only throughout my whole life growing up in addition in this topic, I am just being 100% honest and blunt about my own experience with girls with all this detail I have provided in this post that is all my intention is for only and I mean no offence by any of it at all whatsoever, so in case anyone picks it up that way I do apologize.

This post is also a heads up and endorsement on my own agreement over romance/love being off the cards for me and probably is forever and is why I have came to terms with remaining single, why i prefer to be kept single and why I believe it's for the best, because the way girls have always treated me is like I am so so ugly looking or like I am a bad smell they can't wait to get away from, even though I have always showered daily, always dress smart and smell fresh, unfortunately this has always been the vibe I have always had off girls despite how top notch my hygiene tidyness has always been.

Because of the way girls view me and treat me i have lost interest in seeking love and is no longer something i want, so im closing my doors to this, the only connections i am interested in seeking and pursuing are just friendships only.

Former Member

Good morning @Mitchall, thanks for reaching out. Firstly, don’t worry, you’ve come to exactly the right place. This forum is a safe space to speak about topics related to sex and relationships, and we aim to make all of our responses free of judgement and full of support. You are very welcome here.

I am sorry to read about the past rejections you have experienced, I can imagine they have caused a lot of hurt. As a hetersexual female, I’m afraid I don’t have an example of female rejection, but I can completely empathise with why those comments might make you want to avoid that type of pain again. To me, the way you shared your story was very tentative and considerate, which are worthy qualities to have in all relationships, whether romantic or platonic. What I also see is that you have the courage to not feel that you have to change for other people’s wants, which is equally admirable! It is entirely your choice whether you want to close the door on relationships for good, but I hope the decision isn’t based on what other people have made you feel you ought to do. I can understand that if girls have always rejected certain physical qualities, like not having tattoos, then it can absolutely seem like the whole world feels dismissive of you, but the beauty of humans is that everyone is unique and what some people dislike others will love I hope you’re able to take the time to heal from these past hurtful experiences and perhaps you can keep checking in on what you want to pursue moving forward, based on your own wants and goals.

You also mentioned that you are still interested in pursuing friendships. I’ve only recently started volunteering for the mix, but this seems like a great space to do that! Everyone has been super friendly, and hopefully you can have some great discussions with likeminded people.

JustV

Just reassuring you that your post doesn't come off as offensive @Mitchall. You've been super clear that these are your experiences and not universal, which is really considerate.

Building on what @enorth1 said above, I just want to say you're absolutely not alone in what you've talked about here. A huge amount of men (particularly neurodivergent folks) have trouble with dating and talk about similar things to you - that they always try their best, look smart, etc. but have no luck and experience a lot of rejection, and that it can feel really depressing. It's good that you're talking about it here because those feelings can lead to some real dark places if you leave them unchecked. You're doing a great thing to ask for support.

I'm curious what your social circles are like and what kind of girls you've been getting rejected by. Where do you tend to meet people? Who do you spend time with?

Additionally, what kind of partner do you want? What do you want from a relationship?

I ask because a lot of guys tie dating to their self-worth, and go into dating with the sole aim of getting someone (anyone) - often strangers - to show an interest in them, rather than focusing on finding a meaningful connection with someone that could grow into a romantic relationship. Dating apps can really reinforce that psychology. I don't know if that feels relatable for you?

Because of the way girls view me and treat me i have lost interest in seeking love and is no longer something i want, so im closing my doors to this, the only connections i am interested in seeking and pursuing are just friendships only.

It's important to do what's right for you, and if focusing on friendships is what you need right now then that sounds really healthy. In my experience, good friends are the best candidates for romantic relationships anyway so I wonder if you'll find something meaningful that way.

This might not be helpful to hear and your experience is 100% valid, but if it does help, I fit 90% of the bullet points you listed as reasons for being undateable. I know it doesn't always feel like this, but not everyone sees those parts of you as negative - some people will love you for them.

Former Member

Hi Enorth I really appreciate all your efforts in your detailed response here to this post, I have never been on a date or relationship in my life ever before and because all the women I have came across are only into men that tick all or a few boxes in that list of traits on my post that I have never ticked the boxes to and never will, it's left me with no choice to not believe that romance/love is off the cards for me, I am not refusing to pursue it and have not lost interest in it just because women have made me feel this rejected, but I have given up completely bothering with trying to find romance/love because I have never been appealing nor appreciated by any women I have spoken to and I am referring to all the women I have came across on all dating apps/sites, all social media apps/sites and everywhere I have came across in general on the internet, but I am not just referring to this just being my experience online, unfortunately I have always had this experience in real life too everywhere in the city of Nottingham where I was raised and always grew up in and women have always found it off putting and unmanly of me that I am a non smoker and that I have always been intolerant to smoking, as I have never been able to stomach the smell of tobacco and weed, this is also simply why seeking romance/love is not worth me my time and energy.

Yes friendships have always been what I have always wanted since day one but unfortunately with the same bad luck as romance/love, friendships have always been impossible for me to find too, I have never had no success anywhere online nor anywhere in Nottingham with friendships either, unfortunately because I have always been intolerant to smoking, I have always felt odd and isolated in this universe, everyone I have came across has always found me boring, weird and unmanly just because I have never been able to handle being around or near people who are smoking as the smell of tobacco and weed has always been repulsively revolting and unbearable to me and always will be, no one has ever been understanding and inclusive of me being intolerant to smoking and I have never ever came across anyone else that exists in this universe that feels the same way about me towards smoking.

Former Member

Hi Mike I really appreciate all your efforts here with your detailed response, I am really grateful that you understand that this is not a universal view and this is just referring to my own individual experience with women, all the women that have those preferences in men that are on that list in my post, are all the women I have came across on all dating apps/sites, all social media apps/sites, everywhere all over the internet in general, everywhere in real life such as everywhere in the city of Nottingham where I was raised and grew up all my life, everywhere at all the colleges here and everywhere at all the youth clubs here, all the women I have came across at at all these apps/sites and all these places have all these preferences in what they look for in men.

I don't spend time with anyone as I am a loner without no friends, the type of partner I would like is just someone who is a non smoker and someone who will appreciate me and love me as myself, but this has always been too much to ask for and women have never found me interesting enough, me being a non smoker and intolerant to smoking has always been a turn off from me for them too as they all also think I am boring and unmanly for not being comfortable around smoking and for refuse to be around or near people that are smoking, unfortunately I have always been intolerant to the smell of tobacco and weed and throughout my entire life growing up not only has this just been one of the deal breakers/barriers in the possibility of me finding romance/love, but it's always been the same scenario with the possibility of me finding any friends as well, but the smell of tobacco and weed had always been repulsively revolting to me and always will be, because of this that is why I have always been a loner, felt odd and isolated all my life in this universe as unfortunately everywhere I have tried and been, no one has ever been understanding and inclusive of me for being intolerant towards smoking, people have always also told me that I don't have what it takes to transition from a girl to a guy, they say I am too gutless and not masculine enough to be a guy and that I am not a valid guy unless I develop a tolerance or liking towards smoking, which I am afraid that's impossible for me to do and is never going to happen as sadly I wasn't born with a stable nose like everyone else.

I agree good friends are always the best candidates for finding real inclusion and loyalty but sadly just like with seeking romance/love my intolerance towards smoking has always been a deal breaker to everyone in the friendzone too.

I have always preferred the friendzone because I know that I don't have to tick any boxes to that list of criteria in my post that all women I have came across look for in men, people looking for friendships would automatically take me as myself regardless to whether I tick any boxes to that criteria or not but the only issue is being intolerant to smoking is one of points in that list of criteria that has always been a dealbreaker to people having any interest in knowing me at all and is the only one dealbreaker that has always been a problem to people having any interest in me in the friendzone, but as for romance/love I am required to tick at least a few of or all of that criteria in that list for any women to be interested in me at all, this is why I have no interest in romance/love and why I refuse to waste any more energy and effort seeking it, I have simply never ticked any boxes to any those traits at all and never will because those traits and lifestyles in that criteria are simply not my taste in style and not the type of lifestyles I find interesting and appealing to myself at all and also not routes of life that I would ever enjoy.

I have always preferred and only felt accepted for myself and appreciated by friendships only, it's just a shame that me being intolerant to smoking has always been a dealbreaker for people and has always put people off in wanting to know me at all.

I am really grateful for everyone's time and efforts in their responses and I hope all this extra detail in my response here helps with people understanding my experience and situation in more full and better detail, I really appreciate everyone's understanding, kind words, offer of advice and patience, thank you all for all your time in reading, I hope everyone's day is going well.