Socially awkward/gut feelings

Former Member

Hello guys I hope you are all well and doing ok if I’m honest I have been on and off really a lot has been on my mind but I’m just going to tell you stuff one bit at a time and it might not be in this post. So I went to my boyfriends house on Saturday until Monday because it was teachers training day so I stayed with him on Monday.

We went to his mates house for a bit and by the way it was my first time meeting two of his friends In person and like I think I am socially awkward around his friends because I never know what to talk about and how to fit in with the conversation.

It doesn't help when I keep thinking they don’t like me that just keeps going thru my head all the time I’ve spoke to my boyfriend about it and he says they do like you but I just have this gut feeling they don’t and it’s annoying me I’ve told my boyfriend that a few times and he keeps saying they do like you. I find it very hard to fit in the conversations.

I was upset with him last night because I think he likes hanging out with his friends more then me like it is supposed to me fair and I don’t think it’s very fair. He has a job now and now he only calls me to say goodnight but after work he goes to his friends house and on the weekends too but I normally see him on the weekend but half of the time he chooses to see his friends on the weekend which is not fair🥺.

I also have this gut feeling that he might be cheating on me because when I brought it up last time he got angry and a bit defensive I think.

I don’t know why he would cheat on me tho because I’ve stayed at his house met his parents he brought me a necklace for Valentine’s Day but my friends think his attention seeking because that what happened to one of my friends before 😫I don’t know??

Stellaluna

Hello @_Tech_Addict_Girl

Do you feel you are spending enough time with your friends? It could be an idea that when your boyfriend chooses to spend time with his friends, you could organise a meetup with your friends or do a self-date. Solo dating could be finding an activity or hobby you enjoy and focusing your attention on this so there is no time for your mind to wonder why your boyfriend is with them and not you. Some activities could include going to a nice café, visiting a museum, taking a class, or exploring a new park. Also, finding a passion can be a great way to fill any feelings of emptiness or lack.

It is ok for you to worry about feeling accepted by your boyfriend’s friends- that is perfectly normal. But too much unease about what they think of you might interfere with the quality of you and your boyfriend’s relationship. As long as the relationship between both of you is healthy, try not to focus on what other people think. I know this is hard. Are there more positives than negatives in your relationship? If you spend a lot of time thinking about what his friend’s think of you or what your boyfriend is up to then you may forget to look after yourself. It could be an idea to maximise self-care activities, such as: writing a gratitude journal, doing gentle exercise, chatting with friends, relaxing or even finding a counselor or someone you trust to talk about your feelings with.

Has anything about your boyfriend’s behaviour changed recently? Have they done anything to make you mistrust them? If there is no concrete evidence that your boyfriend is cheating, then it may be good to explore where your feelings of mistrust come from. What does a safe, trusting relationship look like to you? Are you able to comfortably chat with your boyfriend about how you feel and is this something you think you could work on together? Betterhelp recommends staying busy, ensuring you are properly nourished, sleeping well and using other forms of social support, like friends and family. Here is a link to the full article for more detail: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/is-he-cheating-or-am-i-paranoid-how-to-know-for-sure/

Hope this helps.
Take care,
StellaLuna