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Will I be alone?
Former Member
Posts: 4 Newbie
Its been around three weeks since I went out (becuase of work and a cold), and I feel deflated because I haven't been out for a while; I want to socialise to carry on meeting new people, but once again I feel like i'm holding myself back--like I don't have the confidence to do so--as though i'm slipping back into my shell. It doesn't help that its coming towards the end of my final year at university, and while I feel like I've done a lot in my final year, whenI go on social media and see those around me, it feels like I've not done enough, as though I'm lagging behind, especially in the relationships department. Whenever people ask me about it (including those I've dated) they seem suprised when I say that I've never been in a relationship, and it just makes me feel guilty.
On one hand, I'm content with what I've done: I've got a lot to be happy for. I'm not who I used to be, but theres this feeling like I need to do MORE. How else am I going to meet the 'love of my life' beyond university? And theres the rejection and set-backs where it feels like I'm not moving forward.
Recently, I was dating two girls. One behaved snarkily and gave off this 'bigger than life' level of narcissim (she said that she swore at Lewis Hamilton, went drinking at 13, went clubbing at 16, and on our only date apparently she was getting chatted up by a bartender when I was at the table). The other girl--the one I was talking about in my previous/first post on here--was just too intense, really persistent and demanding when it came to me answering her questions, and explaining jokes that she didn't get--even when it got the past the point of being awkward--going as far to insinuate and presume things that weren't just there. On both of those cases it got to a point where I just couldn't lie and overlook these things.
In the end, I chose to call it off with both of them, for one reason or another--which is funny because I'm normally the one doing it. It shows that I've got more confidence, but then I wonder if I had missed some golden oppurtunities. Maybe that I should've settled for them? Maybe that was my shot and I just over-reacted?
How else can I meet potential partners?
On one hand, I'm content with what I've done: I've got a lot to be happy for. I'm not who I used to be, but theres this feeling like I need to do MORE. How else am I going to meet the 'love of my life' beyond university? And theres the rejection and set-backs where it feels like I'm not moving forward.
Recently, I was dating two girls. One behaved snarkily and gave off this 'bigger than life' level of narcissim (she said that she swore at Lewis Hamilton, went drinking at 13, went clubbing at 16, and on our only date apparently she was getting chatted up by a bartender when I was at the table). The other girl--the one I was talking about in my previous/first post on here--was just too intense, really persistent and demanding when it came to me answering her questions, and explaining jokes that she didn't get--even when it got the past the point of being awkward--going as far to insinuate and presume things that weren't just there. On both of those cases it got to a point where I just couldn't lie and overlook these things.
In the end, I chose to call it off with both of them, for one reason or another--which is funny because I'm normally the one doing it. It shows that I've got more confidence, but then I wonder if I had missed some golden oppurtunities. Maybe that I should've settled for them? Maybe that was my shot and I just over-reacted?
How else can I meet potential partners?
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Comments
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now. It's understandable to want to socialise with others, but last year of uni is always incredibly overwhelming and it can be really difficult to find the time to socialise. It's also really important to remember that social media can be such a toxic environment and isn't always what it appears to be. It may look like people are enjoying themselves but it might not be as fun as it appears. We're all on our own journey's and it doesn't invalidate yours just because you haven't had time to been in a relationship. I know it can feel overwhelming and anxiety provoking when others ask such personal questions and they respond in ways that make you feel anxious, but you're still doing amazingly, and it's okay to not have been in a relationship yet. It doesn't mean at all that this won't happen for you, it happens sometimes when we least expect it. Pushing yourself into a relationship when it's with someone you don't want just to feel like you've kept up with peers may actually be more detrimental in the long run for you and your self-esteem. You deserve to be with someone you're happy and comfortable around, even if it takes longer than you'd like. I know it can be really infuriating and feel like a personal failure, but it really isn't at all.
I think it shows great strength to be able to not settle or put up with things that don't sit right with you. It's so important that the person you're in a relationship with makes you happy and content. I think these things will happen when you least expect it. I understand completely how stressful it can feel and how much pressure social media puts on us to have found who we're going to spend the rest of our lives with by a certain time/age, but it's just not the case at all. Everyone is so different , and it's really okay to have not found the one right now. You've been dealing with a lot and focusing on getting through Uni which is difficult enough, give yourself some grace, you're doing incredibly.