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do we breakup?
claragraced
Posts: 2 Newbie
I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year now and we have recently hit a bit of a rough patch. There were a few things in the relationship that I wanted from the relationship that he wasn't doing (compliments etc).
I had spoken to him about this issue on previous occasions, he would try hard for a couple of weeks and would then fizzle out again. It finally became too much for me and i broke up with him, this was during a time when i was not in a good place mentally as i suffer from anxiety, have family issues and my dog had passes away. We continued texting after this, probably not the best thing to do but its hard to cut someone out so easily when they have become such a big part of your life and have been for a while, especially when nothing went wrong (cheating etc). I agreed to meet him 2 days after the breakup to talk about it all, this then led to me getting back with him that night. I then went back on my decision again, 2 days later; he came round to my house and i ended it for the second time, this time on the basis that he shouldn't have to convince someone to stay in a relationship and deserves someone who loves him 24/7, also that he shouldn't have to look after me when i haven't got the mental capacity to be in a relationship. we sort of got back together after that, as again, we carried on texting but i really wanted that to be the end (i even gave him all his stuff back), he was texting me saying all the right things and made me want to get back with him again. we agreed that we wouldn't get back together and we would have a break from talking while i went on holiday. during this break he kept on texting me but i wouldnt reply. After the break we met up and i said that i didn't want to make any decisions and just wanted to see where it would go naturally. it has been like we never broke up and i think he thinks that we are back together although i have clarified the situation to him a few times. i don't know whether we should break up 100% or stay together. one thing that makes the breakup part harder for me is that i will have to go through the initial breakup emotions for the third time and honestly don't think i can handle it but at the same time i don't think i can handle him smothering me and pretending like everything is normal between us and were back like normal.
I had spoken to him about this issue on previous occasions, he would try hard for a couple of weeks and would then fizzle out again. It finally became too much for me and i broke up with him, this was during a time when i was not in a good place mentally as i suffer from anxiety, have family issues and my dog had passes away. We continued texting after this, probably not the best thing to do but its hard to cut someone out so easily when they have become such a big part of your life and have been for a while, especially when nothing went wrong (cheating etc). I agreed to meet him 2 days after the breakup to talk about it all, this then led to me getting back with him that night. I then went back on my decision again, 2 days later; he came round to my house and i ended it for the second time, this time on the basis that he shouldn't have to convince someone to stay in a relationship and deserves someone who loves him 24/7, also that he shouldn't have to look after me when i haven't got the mental capacity to be in a relationship. we sort of got back together after that, as again, we carried on texting but i really wanted that to be the end (i even gave him all his stuff back), he was texting me saying all the right things and made me want to get back with him again. we agreed that we wouldn't get back together and we would have a break from talking while i went on holiday. during this break he kept on texting me but i wouldnt reply. After the break we met up and i said that i didn't want to make any decisions and just wanted to see where it would go naturally. it has been like we never broke up and i think he thinks that we are back together although i have clarified the situation to him a few times. i don't know whether we should break up 100% or stay together. one thing that makes the breakup part harder for me is that i will have to go through the initial breakup emotions for the third time and honestly don't think i can handle it but at the same time i don't think i can handle him smothering me and pretending like everything is normal between us and were back like normal.
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This might be a simple question but… do you want to be with him? From what I’ve just read, and please tell me if I’m misunderstanding, but it sounds like you aren’t that keen on being in a relationship with him anymore but don’t want to break up because it’ll be hard to do the break up part again?
If I’m understanding right, it sounds like the long term gain you would get from breaking up properly might outweigh the short upset from the break up itself? I know that doesn’t make it hurt any less but might help you see a light at the end of the tunnel?
What do you think?
It sounds like you're feeling a bit disconnected from the relationship. Your feelings are valid and it's important to do what's right for you, it sounds like you're having to constantly find reasons to stay and it's so important that you do what's best for you at this moment. I know it can be really difficult but you and your feelings matter most here. Sending you lots of love right now