TW: suicidal feelings

Kate_20

I want to hide my symptoms from my parents. I hate them continuing asking about it. I do not deserve their attention and I do not deserve treatment. I don't want them to spend more money on me. I really hope nobody would care if I die so that I don't need to feel guilty. I am done with my life and I hate breathing.

Aoife

Sending you lots of strength Kate

I'm hearing how much you're going through at the moment and it doesn't sound easy at all. You've shown a lot of strength in reaching out to us and you're doing really well opening up.

It sounds tough with your parents checking in with you a lot and I hear how overwhelming it's feeling. You mentioned that you don't deserve their care, can you tell us more about that?

From what you've shared here and getting to know you over the last few months, you're a lovely person and deserve so much kindness and support. I've sent you a PM from The Mix account to check in with you privately too, but do keep posting here to let us know how you're feeling

Remember these services are always a call and text away anytime you'd like someone to talk to or feel unsafe. There's lots of caring people out there to help you

* If you need urgent help or have any concerns for your health or safety, the quickest way to get help is to call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. 
*Crisis Messenger - Our crisis messenger text service provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, and are experiencing any painful emotion or are in crisis, you can text THEMIX to 85258.
* Papyrus - If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can contact HOPELINEUK for confidential support and practical advice. You can call them on 0800 068 4141 or text them on 07786209697.
* Samaritans are reachable by phone and email 24/7. Whatever you're going through, you can call them any time, from any phone on 116 123.

Former Member

Hey there @Kate_20 I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling so much at the moment, I really hope you're able to talk to someone about what you're going through whether it's here on the boards, with someone you know or another service like The Mix that @Aife mentioned.

I don't have much more to add but I know there's a lot of people here on the boards who care about you and think you do deserve love and support even if it doesn't always feel like that. Please take care of yourself and let us know if there's anything we can do to help.

Former Member

Hello @Kate_20 just dropped by to echo the above - so sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. You deserve care and support and I hope you continue to receive it. 💜

We’re here for you if you want to talk any more.
Sending hugs
Lucy

Kate_20

@Aife @Riley @Lucy307 I feel like maybe I made up my depression because my parents have done nothing wrong to deserve it. I also don't want them to worry about me. Now they are complaining about me doing the laundry too slowly and how disorganised my room is. They also complained about me sleeping in the day. I already reached my limit. It is hard to do everything when I do not feel like doing anything. It is hard to do my dissertation when I cannot concentrate enough to do it. I feel stupid. Sitting on the chair is also hard because I could feel my bones. I just hope someone could save me and help me end my life.

Former Member

@Kate_20 I don't think you've made up your depression, whatever you feel is valid. Sometimes our depression makes us see things through a black and white lens, and everything is either really good or really bad, and it can lead us to feeling negatively towards people we love. I wonder, have you spoken to your parents about how badly you're struggling with your mental health right now? Maybe they're just not able to process that you're struggling, so may need you to explain to them how hard you're finding things right now. Also, please remember we're all on our own journey's and it's okay if you're struggling sometimes, it won't always be possible to be able to do everything you want, but it's important to be kind and gentle with yourself, you're trying the best you can and that's all anyone can ask for. Your best will change day to day and whatever is your best that day is more than enough, whether it meets other peoples expectations or not.

It may be helpful to contact your dissertation advisor and maybe get an extension on it if you're struggling right now, to take some of the pressure off.

Please know we're all here for you and we all care so much about you. Your depression may be telling you that life isn't worth it but you've got so much ahead of you, things you don't even know about yet. You are worth more and you've done incredible to get where you are right now

Former Member

Thank you for talking some more about what you're going through @Kate_20 I know it can be really hard to open up about these things so I just want you to know how proud I am of you for doing so.

I totally agree with everything @Brookee said before me, and I'd just like to reiterate that everyone here on the boards is rooting for you and if there's anything any of us can do to help just let us know. I really hope you're able to get through this as best you can.