Erection problems

Former Member

Hi, so i am trying to have sex with my girlfriend but everytime we get to that point of you know... having sex i can't get hard. It's not like i don't get hard or something, but she likes to tease me... A LOT. So after like almost 2 hours of being teased (because of the teasing im getting an erection, and than she stops, get an erection again and then she stops and so on) we finally get to the point where we are going to have sex. But then i can't get hard. It is also going to be my first time then so i'm really nervous and embarrased that it happened two times already... I personally think the problem comes from the long periods of teasing, but i'm not sure... Could you help me?

independent_

@dedronkeman I am female, so I can’t offer much practical help here, but I think this happens far more often than a lot of men would think. The first time having sex is nerve racking, there’s a lot of chat about how women feel anxious but it can be as much of an issue for men. And the more nervous you are, the harder it will be to get an erection. If it helps, it’s totally natural. There’s nothing wrong with you or anything, and as a woman I’d totally understand if a man felt that way.

It might help to talk honestly with your girlfriend, it’s so important in relationships to be open about sex and to talk about it, tell her the issue and how it’s making you feel. Hopefully she’ll be able to put you at ease.

There are plenty of male members and staff here who will hopefully come along soon to give you more practical tips for this situation. Just wanted to reassure you that it’s normal, although understandably frustrating.

Past User

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Former Member

@dedronkeman I agree with other on the post. nerves will most likely be the thing causing your problem, Take it slow and maybe talk to your girl friend, if she if putting extra pressure and stress on you by teasing you it wont help. Maybe try other things apart from sex and if that is going well then you can go into sex.
If you haven't had sex before it can take some trying to get it right, it takes a few practices to get into a smooth rymth with it.
My main advice is just don't put too much pressure on yourself, take it slow, keep it light and casual and make sure you dont force it. If you are worried you could also try viagra, but don't rush into that.

Former Member

I definitely agree with the other posts! I wouldn't worry about it being anything other than nerves but if you truly do feel it might be more than that I encourage you to see a medical professional because you know yourself better.
I've heard of a lot and had experience where a guy cant get hard for their first time. What's important to know is that this can simply take time, several tries over a decent course of time; sometimes it works after the second try, everyone's different.
What can help is communicating with your girlfriend about your worries and maybe to stop the teasing if you feel this affects your ability to eventually have sex; she should be understanding with what you have to communicate and I want you to know that no one should or has the right to shame you. Being in the moment and not actually thinking about why you cant get hard or worrying about other things you might have in your mind can help; to just enjoy the moment and knowing you're both enjoying it is a confidence booster which can help; almost lose yourself in these positive thoughts and feelings.
I hope this helps!

Former Member

I think the most important thing to remember that no one is aroused all the time and what you see in the media is completely fabricated. If this happens a few times then it is nothing to worry about but if you feel like there is something to be concerned about then there is no shame in getting it checked. It may help to get to the root of the problem, for example is it because of tiredness, depression or lack of arousal? Hope this helps, good luck!