Boundaries and that advice?

Former Member

So a friend has kinda be annoying me lately. Met up with them recently
While it wasnt terrible and actually fun apart from the fact i was kinda tired cuz lots of walking I felt like they were trying to wind me up a lot of the time. Sometimes id didnt respond cuz i didn't really ya know get anything from it other times i responded seriously cux i thought ya know we were trying to have a serious convo. It was hard to go deep or anything. Last time we met it was not like this at all and i honestly been tired lately all i wanna do is chill not deal with this stuff.

Previously they have been annoying before tjho only over text like trying to put my name to everything just make things weirdly personal or carry on a joke when its not needed (wasnt funny the first time). I dont get the point making a joke if no one finds it funny. Its not even really banter it just is like winding me up or like attempting to even when i dont really care or relate to it, its just like wha? Usually it isnt about taking a direct dig at me tho (there is only really one joke that did that and that kind of upset me, every other person showed more concern it was about an injury of mine, it was worse though because it was literally just repeating the same stale joke over). Its more just annoying and weird. I thought it was some weird form of flirting at first which i found an uncomfortable thought. Now idk what it is, maybe a power game? Im not sure what to say to make it stop. Maybe its gone to far idk? Cuz i dun think it makes sense like that maybe something more like this isnt funny or lets talk about something else. I just dont find it funny its tiring and it is a one sided dynamic. I usually laugh and love jokes so it just makes me think im being overly sensitive or miserable when i know im not but still.
Im meant to meet up with them again soon but im really dreading it.. not sure what to do. I kinda still do wanna meet up and do that fun things that we were gonna but not with the way this is going. I just wanna chill ya know and im usually quite chill although i have been stressed more lately because of the way a past friend treated me badly and that put me on high guard more reactive and upset. But im trying my best and really why should i deal with this. But i have little friends and i just wanna go out and chill and i do not believe they are a bad person we had fun playing games but this is just getting too much for me kinda creepy and weird

Former Member

Hi @tkdog I'm sorry that your friends are taking jokes too far sometimes. It can be really hurtful when people you are close to purposely try to hurt. I can understand why you are having mixed feelings about meeting up with them. It could be worth it to talk to them about your how you're feeling and how you think they can take jokes too far. They may not know that what they are doing is making you uncomfortable and upsetting you. Im sure they are not intending to make you uncomfortable or upset, so talking about how your feeling would help them to understand. It will also help them to talk to you about their side. Its no fun losing friends, so an open conversation could help you become better friends with them.
I hope that whatever you do, it goes well

lovemimoon

Hiya @tkdog

I agree with what @SirArchibald says here.
An open conversation helps, and hopefully they ease up and respect your boundaries. It's also good to reinforce your boundaries too. Sometimes, friends can often misinterpret your reactions, so make it clear that you're not okay with this.
It's conflicting when it's someone in your social group and you don't want to cause any trouble; you just want them to stop.

Former Member

I still havent brought it up
I don't really want to talk about it tbh well much at least like in depth
While I was thinking maybe its me just me being sensitive and sometimes this kind of humour is useful or productive, I have been a little more sensitive lately due to abuse from someone
But i do think it sometimes it oversteps my boundaries of comfort, sometimes too personal but also I don't like that everything has to be a joke.
I dunno I feel like I be more comfortable intervening rather than bringing it up like so long after the event, saying I dont like it or something? Or im uncomfortable. Im still not sure. (Though I was clearly uncomfortable in certain case and the other person knew it they said its just a joke) The last time we met was okay as I diverted the humour into something productive which led to a very interesting conversation.
But I also felt kinda defensive I didnt want to say Certain things in case i get made fun of. I dont know I just don't even get the mindset behind this, like whats the point, if i dont find it funny who does?
Also we arent part of any peer group just one on one pretty much. Just forcing this subject is awkward and I dont have a strong personal connection, I purely want it to stop like I said. Its not like a joke joke one thats meant to make u laugh just feels like a how far can i take it kind of thing if u know what i mean and a wind up, like purposely trying to push something in someone. I'm okay atm but its more next time it happens i'd be annoyed, its not even always the fact of what is said but it feels like fishing for a response, I tried giving non replies and that too. Some of these jokes are the sort I might do occasionally with someone but like I let it go easily like just joking haha or it feels more equal but here it always feels too personal, and i dont even feel that level of connection with them just feels like fishing for attention, and diverting from just normal talking, or mischaracterising what I said. Like whats the point. We dont talk all the time so suddenly sending a message to talk about it would be very weird and uncomfortable. I guess one word like thats annoying or something might help to something i dony like but then i dont know if that communicates the message and i dont know i dont like being rude xP its less annoying as much as i dont want it please stop, but that sounds bad too? Worse even
And the jokes dont even have like that rudeness to them they arent yo mama jokes or insults as much in the same way so its hard to call out its all so just.. weird

I just cant understand it or understand what is happening, does anyone know the possible intent behind this? Is it just a power or control tactic or genuinely meant to be "friendly" because its just makes me uncomfortable af