Feeling used *Trigger warning*

Former Member

Sorry, this is really hard for me to put down but I'm struggling and just need to get it out of my system.

I was messaging a guy from uni for a couple of weeks and we had our first date on Friday. It was going really well and one thing led to another and we ended up in bed. I'm in my mid 20s, have body image issues, and never had any sexual experience with anyone. He knew this and was really patience and kept checking if I was okay. After, we were being really open and honest with each other, and this only made me like him more.

However, since Friday, he hasn't read/replied to my messages. I don't know whether I'm being paranoid or whether he's just ghosted me after getting what he wanted. It's driving me into a downward spiral and I keep crying and I'm struggling not to self-harm. I feel so stupid and gullible for believing that someone like him would be interested in me and for being so open with him. I know it's stupid that I've taken this so hard, but it just hurts because I really thought something could have been there for us. My brain keeps saying is anyone going to actually want to be with me or am I only good for someone's one night relief. I just don't know how to get past this

Former Member

Hi @AbbyOwl
I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you and you are understandably feeling really low. Well done for opening up to us, as I know it's not an easy thing to do.
Please don't feel stupid or gullible, it sounds like things started off really well. He was doing all the right things, making you feel comfortable and supported.
To an extent it is okay to feel low after an experience like this. To open yourself up to someone and be vulnerable but to then feel rejected is a really tough experience to go through. But please know this is not your fault, and there is nothing wrong with you.
If you can try to practice saying positive affirmations about yourself. Things like 'I am worthy' , and 'I am enough' and 'I am kind'. Build yourself back up by being positive about yourself and accepting who you are. If that feels really hard, try to treat yourself like a friend would treat you. Think what would your friends/ family say.
If you feel like self-harming feel free to reach out to those closest to you. Even if you don't tell them about how you feel, being around people who love and care about us can really help. And as always there are the helplines and chat services at The Mix if you feel really overwhelmed.
Overall I would say try not to let this one experience shape how you feel about relationships in general. There will be somebody who will care about you deeply and not leave you feeling this way, even if that feels impossible right now.
Sending you massive hugs. I promise you will get through this

Former Member

Hi @AbbyOwl I am really sorry you had this experience. It is really hurtful when you open up to someone and are vulnerable with them, just for them to ignore you. But, its not your fault, you've done nothing wrong. You do not deserve what happened to you and you deserve someone who will treat you better.
I can understand why you feel guilable, but this was your first experience with someone and it can be so hard to judge someone's intentions. It happens to everyone, you're not alone in this experience, and it can happen to people who have lots of experience in dating. Please don't let this experience sour your perspective of dating. There are people out there who will like you and be interested having a more meaningful relationship with you. It just takes time and persistence to find them.
Something that could be helpful is having a period of time were you don't enage in sexual activities whilst talking with a person, then if they are only wanting to sleep with you they most likely wont keep talking to. I did this with my current partner and it was really helpful for setting strong boundaries and expectations for the relationships.
I am also sorry that you have been having such strong urges to self harm. I am really proud of you for resisting them and venting on here. That is a good stratergy for express your negative feelings in more a positive way. It could also be good for you to reach out to close friends, they would be a really useful source of support.