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I feel so complicated (TW: suicide related)

Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
edited November 2021 in Sex & Relationships
I just talked to a boy I knew. He is talented and is good at writing poetry. He has bipolar disorder with psychotic symptoms. He was angry with me because I want to go off Sertraline. I told him Sertraline made me sleepy and unable to work. It also made me more anxious and affected sleep quality. I cannot take it in the morning because it makes me feel sleepy and I cannot take it at night because it interferes with my sleep. He told me he is angry with me because I am giving up hope when I still have a choice to get better. He told me that he has lost his job, is at the end of the rope and is suicidal. He tried a cocktail of psychiatric medication as well as therapy, but nothing worked, and he still felt unsafe. He told me not to try to kill myself because he failed so many suicide attempts and it is not easy to die. He told me that I am more valuable than him. I told him that he is valuable. He asked me to become a Christian so that I can be saved. He told me that he is now in a bar, drunk, finished his suicide note and wrote my name on it. He said that he is going to give his personal belongings to me after he die. He told me that I cannot refuse it. He did not tell me where exactly he is right now. I checked twice with him, knowing that he has not got a suicide method and will be safe tonight, but I am worried.

mod edit: moved from Anything Goes
Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
Post edited by JustV on

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    JordanJordan Moderator Posts: 343 The Mix Regular
    It's understandable that you are worried, @Kate_20 . Let me start by saying you did the right thing by checking he would be safe that night and had no plan. I'd also like to stress that it is understandable that you are worried, but there is only so much you as a 'regular' person can do. If you are ever worried that they are at immediate risk of taking their own life you should make sure to seek emergency help.

    Just to clarify, and you might know this better from speaking with him, but was he suggesting that you wanting to go off sertraline was the same as you "giving up hope"?

    I know it's been a day since you posted this, so how are you doing now? Has he spoken to you since?
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    Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    Jordan wrote: »
    It's understandable that you are worried, @Kate_20 . Let me start by saying you did the right thing by checking he would be safe that night and had no plan. I'd also like to stress that it is understandable that you are worried, but there is only so much you as a 'regular' person can do. If you are ever worried that they are at immediate risk of taking their own life you should make sure to seek emergency help.

    Just to clarify, and you might know this better from speaking with him, but was he suggesting that you wanting to go off sertraline was the same as you "giving up hope"?

    I know it's been a day since you posted this, so how are you doing now? Has he spoken to you since?

    @Jordan I cannot seek emergency help for him if I do not know where he is. He thinks that me going off sertraline was the same as me giving up hope. I am still not doing well because I still suffer from side effects. He has not yet spoken to me. I did not see him posting any suicide notes yet.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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    ConnorConnor Deactivated Posts: 508 Incredible Poster
    edited September 2021
    This really sounds like a tough situation @Kate_20 . Firstly with Sertraline giving some unpleasant side effects to deal with, and with your friend too.

    There's a lot of feelings from your friend there, the fact that they seem to be angry at you and are at "the end of their rope". When you're dealing with stuff yourself, it can be hard when you take on the feelings of someone else too. How are you feeling with this?

    I hear that you're worried about your friend, this is fair. As Jordan said above, well done for checking with him to see if he was safe and had a plan. I wanted to also touch on your own feelings too.

    I wanted to give you this article called when my partner threatens suicide, feel free to check it out in your own time. It comes from the National Domestic Violence Hotline and their resources page. The article does talk about partners, but the advice given is equally valid for you too. Maybe it can help with those complicated feelings?

    Samaritans are also available to you. You don't have to be in crisis yourself to contact them - they're also there to listen if you're supporting someone else in crisis. You can call them on 116123 or email them on jo@samaritans.org.

    You're doing really well @Kate_20. :)
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    Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    Connor wrote: »
    This really sounds like a tough situation @Kate_20 . Firstly with Sertraline giving some unpleasant side effects to deal with, and with your friend too.

    There's a lot of feelings from your friend there, the fact that they seem to be angry at you and are at "the end of their rope". When you're dealing with stuff yourself, it can be hard when you take on the feelings of someone else too. How are you feeling with this?

    I hear that you're worried about your friend, this is fair. As Jordan said above, well done for checking with him to see if he was safe and had a plan. I wanted to also touch on your own feelings too.

    I wanted to give you this article called when my partner threatens suicide, feel free to check it out in your own time. It comes from the National Domestic Violence Hotline and their resources page. The article does talk about partners, but the advice given is equally valid for you too. Maybe it can help with those complicated feelings?

    Samaritans are also available to you. You don't have to be in crisis yourself to contact them - they're also there to listen if you're supporting someone else in crisis. You can call them on 116123 or email them on jo@samaritans.org.

    You're doing really well @Kate_20. :)
    @Connor I really don't feel good about it. The crisis team suggested that I should first take care of myself. So I am stepping back a bit and focusing on myself. It doesn't feel quite right though. But yeah if I am in this state I might not be of much help to him. I should first be in a better state in order to help him. He is still posting so I hope he can stay alive.

    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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    AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,056 Boards Guru
    It's reassuring to hear you're taking a step back and focusing on yourself @Kate_20. It's understandable to hear it's feeling a little uncomfortable doing that - you sound like a really caring person and stepping back can be really tough to do. Keep us updated with how you're feeling. Like @Connor mentioned, you're doing really well. Remember we're here anytime you'd like to talk :)
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
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    Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    Aife wrote: »
    It's reassuring to hear you're taking a step back and focusing on yourself @Kate_20. It's understandable to hear it's feeling a little uncomfortable doing that - you sound like a really caring person and stepping back can be really tough to do. Keep us updated with how you're feeling. Like @Connor mentioned, you're doing really well. Remember we're here anytime you'd like to talk :)

    @Aife We stopped talking but I am checking on his posts. He is still alive so that's good.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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