Feelings for my best friend

Former Member

Hi guys, so I have a best friend who I've known for about 8 years. We dated for a while in secondary school and tried again at the end but I wasn't in a good head space and I've only just recently been able to make peace with the me from then. Anyways, I've been thinking about him on and off for the last few years and it's gotten a lot more frequent in the last year or so. I'm on online dating but nothing seems to work out in the end and then I see my friend and sometimes think 'it would just be so much easier if we were together, like you just GET me'. We are similar but also have some big differences and I'm a planner so I worry about the future. I also know that he 100% still has feelings for me (he's really not subtle!) but I don't want to hurt him - his feelings have always been consistent and I feel like a loose cannon. I don't know if I want to take it further or if it's just a combination of loneliness and certain cycle hormones making me feel this way. I haven't dated anyone else either, so I think that makes it harder for me to understand how I'm feeling. I don't know!

Former Member

Hey! @littledot

Thanks for reaching out to the community of The Mix.

It looks like you are a bit confused about the situation but I think it is completely normal and understandable, however, I didn't understand why you stopped dating him.
Could you explain this a bit further?


Cosmo.

Former Member

@Cosmo yes confused definitely sums it up! I ended it because I felt like he often tries to be someone he's not in front of others (and me too sometimes) and could be unpredictable. He's grown up a lot but there are still some things he does (like backing out of big arrangements just before they're meant to happen). He makes me laugh and is honestly my best friend but he can really wind me up at times

Former Member

@littledot

Thank you for this meaningful insight, I do understand better the situation now...
Unfortunately, I never had to experience something like this in my personal life so I cannot guarantee you a good piece of advice, probably he isn't that much mature like you are.

But if you think this relationship with him is worth it, could be an option to consider talking to him? Or are you trying to keep it for you at the moment?

Former Member

@Cosmo yes I'd say that I am quite mature so I find it difficult to find like minded people of a similar age to me who have similar goals in life. I'm not sure about if I want to share it with him because I feel like I know what he'll say (not that it's a bad thing, just means that I want to be sure or test the waters a little, as it were). We are going on holiday at the beginning of November so I hope that that would clarify things, spending that much time together and out of situations we normally see each other in. But that is two months away!

Former Member

I think it is very wise for you to plan a situation where you can be face-to-face with him.
I'm pretty sure that you, eventually, will found out if its really worthing or not! You will see everything clearly after the holiday break together!

I hope all the best and feel free to update me after your holiday.

Fingers cross.

Cosmo.

Former Member

Hi @littledot
I met my current partner in a similar situation, we were friends for a while and both had feelings for eachother. We started dating and we are still dating to this day and this is my first relationship.
Having feelings for a close friend is quite difficult but from what you've said it seems that you've put alot of thought into it and have been very mature which is really good. Its also good that you are considering your friends feelings.
There is always a risk starting a relationship with a friend, like if it doesn't work out and things become awkward. But there can also be alot of reward, like having a fulfilling relationship with someone. From what you have said, I think before you talk to you friend you need to see if your feelings for them are consistent, and the holiday could be a good way to see this. But if they have been consistent for a long time before the holiday you could talk to them sooner, it just depends on when you are ready to. I think an open and honest discussion about your feelings would be best, and allow your friend to talk about their feelings too, then you can see if you both feel the same way and if you both want the same thing
Just remember that a good relationship is built on the foundation of trust, respect, understanding and communication. If you can have good communication with your partner and can talk openly about things, understand, and listen to them,respect them and treat them as your equal, and trust their decisions then your relationship will be strong.
Feel free to update the situation if you want to. Whatever happens I hope it goes well and I hope ou are happy.