Feeling sad on birthday

Former Member

Is it normal to feel sad on your birthday/as it approaches?

Mine is in a couple of days and even though part of me is excited, I'm also dreading it. It's partly just sadness that I won't be [my current age] anymore, but also there's a whole lotta guilt and self-loathing in there too. Every year these days I feel like I didn't appreciate the previous year enough, feel guilty for 'wasting' the 'important' years e.g. being 18, 21, whatever, and the meaner part of my brain analyses stuff like my productivity, achievements etc. over the last year and is inevitably like "Look at all the time you wasted. Why didn't you do XYZ or fix these issues or go for [insert opportunities]? And I see your procrastination's as bad as ever... ah well, too late now, the year's GONE FOREVER and you can NEVER get that time back. Have fun with all those regrets, loser."

Ok... maybe it doesn't say it exactly like that. But the feeling that I wasn't grateful enough/didn't accomplish enough just keeps coming back every bloody year. Anyone else had this feeling?

lovemimoon

I have this feeling. Since I've turned 18 (I'm 20 now), I feel like I've wasted all my years doing what? Nothing? I think back to the opportunities I've had and how my time's just being wasted. I get excited around other people's birthdays but I'm starting to dread mine.

I hope you're doing well.
Sending lots of hugs and support.

Former Member

Thanks @lovemimoon Sending hugs back xxx

Former Member

Yeah it's happened to me a lot whether it's dissapointment that no one really cares or like anticlimax or bad previous experiences. I hate the fact that it's supposed to be important but like
I mean when you get older you think about it less but when I was still much younger I remember not getting much attention when others did not going out anymore when others did and had fun etc. That made me feel less worthy. And when I recieved fb bday messages they felt empty just people posting because fb says so and meaningless. I feel like it's so fake and isn't real. And the anxiety that people you like forget your bday and so on. Does it mean they don't care? Not necessarily but it does make you feel kinda alone. Maybe they didn't even know? I feel like people stopped giving presents and stopped caring.

But you know you can still have cake and that if you want and do what you want.
It's kind of an artificial thing anyway it's better to celebrate your achievements and all. Not all cultures even have birthdays. I guess mine is a different reason but yea I don't know what is really meant to happen on a bday? Nothing really?

Former Member

I understand where you are coming from and you are definitely not the only one who feels this way. I see that you feel unaccomplished on your birthdays as it is a symbol that signifies the passing of a year, and that could be really scary. You reflect on what happened during this whole year and you feel guilty because you feel like you didn't do enough. However, instead of focusing on what you didn't do this year try to focus on what you have accomplished! Every year you have survived through so much, especially this year when things have not been normal... When you think like that, birthday is like saying Well Done for surviving through the year- kind of like a milestone. I know it is hard to stop this unsettling feeling, but you have not "wasted" any time as everything counts towards experience in a part of life and everyday you are learning one way or another. It might also feel like these are very important times/years but remember, you have many years ahead of you- when you are 50 and sipping tea on a late afternoon you won't think a slightest about what things you did or did not do when you were 18 or 21. If it makes you feel better, think of birthday as just a day where you give yourself an excuse to eat cake. Sending hugs and I hope you feel better after reading this.

ellie2000

its wat u learn on the way nd the experience, we all gonna die someday to make room for the other poor sods

Former Member

@PenguinSky How are you feeling currently? It seems like you are really struggling and I really hope it gets better. I think that a lot of people have experienced this feeling at some point in their lives. However, there are ways to feel better. I think it is worth doing an activity to make you feel better. Do you have any hobbies? Perhaps in a more practical sense, do you have any hobbies which you can profit off of (an example could be selling art if you like drawing)? I want you to know that your feelings are completely valid and that life is not about making every second worth while, it is about living and sometimes to live you need to take a break. I think you are really brave for reaching out and hope this feeling subsides.