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guys/ girls, tired of thinking about it

DistractionDistraction Posts: 493 Listening Ear
in Gender & Sexuality
I'm attracted to females, I know this because I've had a crush on my co worker/ now friend for two years and also a crush on another girl (I doubt myself tho, thinking I must be straight)

I also think guys are cute (also doubt myself, is it just because I'm suppose to like guys?)

I don't know if I want to have sex with one gender or both r none, I feel stuck until I work this out, but if I was to pick one I feel like I should sleep with a female first (I think I want to learn how to do it so that if I meet someone I'm not inexperienced and for the fact I'd feel confident in saying I was bi but I think I'd also like to sleep with a guy (sleeping with a guy seems straight forward, so not as worried about being inexperienced))

I've actually been a bit naive in one or two situations with guys and lucky enough, both of the times I was with a decent one and they stopped because I clearly wasn't sure if I wanted to go through with it or not.

but It's tougher to meet girls.

I don't know how this makes me sound but I'm so confused I don't know what to do and no one in real life really knows much about me

I don't even know how I feel about being intimate with someone, I think kissing is awkward, maybe haven't found the right person or maybe I just don't like it :s

however all I want to do is kiss a certain girl I know :3
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Comments

  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,016 Supreme Poster
    It’s hard to figure out your sexuality, and you don’t have to label yourself straight away. It took me a few years to feel comfortable saying I was bi, I am attracted to women but only ever been intimate with guys. I guess in some ways I’m still confused too haha. But as I said before it’s ok to feel however you feel, and honestly the best way to figure it out is to experiment. And it’s ok if it takes a long time.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 81 Budding Regular
    Hiya @Distraction

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. I understand it can be frustrating to feel this confused but @independent_ has made such a good point. There is no time limit on figuring things out. We have so much expectation put on us by society, so it's perfectly natural to doubt yourself sometimes. It is okay to feel confused, you will get there eventually, I promise.

    You talk about picking which gender to sleep with first but maybe letting the future just unfold is better than trying to plan everything. There is no right or wrong. You don't need to worry about which gender to sleep with first. I guess what I am saying is just see where life takes you. But definitely don't feel the need to rush into things. I'm glad the guys you talk about were respectful of you. Just make sure you look after yourself and remember there is no time limit. Please don't feel that you have to prove yourself to be bi as it is perfectly valid for you to call yourself bi regardless of how much sexual experience you have had with each gender.

    You say that no one in real life knows much about you, but I'm wondering if reaching out to somebody in real life would be comforting? I know it can be difficult to open up about these topics but if there is somebody who you trust it might be worth talking things through with them.

    Hope this helps a little and we are always here if you need to talk through your confusion. But just remember it's okay if everything isn't figured out just yet. Sending hugs <3
  • lovemimoonlovemimoon Posts: 2,318 Boards Champion
    Hi @Distraction

    Thank you so much for sharing with us! <3
    I agree with what @independent_ and @Kat said here.

    I identify as bi and I've had more intimate experiences with men than women.
    You have more than enough time to figure out your sexuality, and it's okay not to put a label on it. :3
    There are people who feel similarly; attracted to females and males but felt awkward about affectionate interactions like kissing, hugging, etc. Take your time to experiment and go at your pace, and see how you feel. Stay safe whilst doing so too! :3<3
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Just got here
    Hey @Distraction

    I agree with what everyone has said above, it is completely okay not label yourself right now, or ever if you don't want to! <3

    Also, I'd like to emphasize what @Kat said, maybe it is best to just let things happen naturally and maybe you will be in a position where you are with one gender first, not because you had chosen between them, but because it just naturally happened. :)
  • DistractionDistraction Posts: 493 Listening Ear
    edited August 2021
    Hi guys,

    I can't thank yous enough! what wonderful advice and understanding <3 I was quite up set and frustrated while I wrote that post in trying to understand who I was and what I liked, sometimes theres just too many labels lol

    I did end up talking to a friend which helped a lot, I didn't realise how lonely it was keeping this all to myself and how isolated I felt. Now I kinda understand why people like to come out. I feel bad about being this way and the comments my parents make about the LGBTQ+ don't help but having a friend to talk it through with was nice and I should have done it sooner, if it weren't for yous I never would have so thanks for that as well :)

    My friend even made a profile picture for discord and I might use it for here (which makes me a little scared but excited) the picture just makes me happy lol and the badge shows who I think I am for the time being which may change later down the line or may not but I'm trying not to stress over it.

    I'm going to take each thing as they happen.

    Thanks again you wonderful people, your kind words meant a lot and helped me so much!

    @Kat @Meg0110 @lovemimoon @independent_
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 187 Helping Hand
    @Distraction Your feelings are valid and you have a right to feel confused. Getting into a relationship is never easy. Please don't feel a need to put a label on your sexuality because it is not that easy. Who you get into a relationship with is individual and it is unfair to assume that all girls are hard to get into a relationship with and that all boys are easy to get into a relationship with-because everyone is different. It is normal to find certain people regardless of gender attractive. Everyone is different and you shouldn't put pressure on yourself to get into a relationship and not all relationship involve kissing. If you ever get into a relationship you should let your partner know about your feelings. Thank you and well done for reaching out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Deactivated Posts: 321 The Mix Regular
    @Distraction

    I only recently identified as bi ( it sounds so weird but it feels good ) You should take as much time to explore, try different things and find the best solution whether you like men/boys, or girls/females whatever you enjoy is okay! being bi don't determine a person in genreal but you are still lovely.

    I want to also say what @Kat said is so true. you don't have to rush to find an answer straight away and taking time is the best way to find different path ways that you feel comfotable.

    You said you want to kiss a girl you know, that is so understandable and i totally hear where you're coming from, that is okay and I hope you can find someone who makes you feel special because you are.

    'Taking time makes better things' “If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.” – Bruce Lee

    take care @Distraction

    Summer :)
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